Rarely Pure, Never Simple
by Arisprite
Summary: The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it. An episode novalization of The Moment of Truth, with missing scenes, introspection and pre/post ep fillers. Completely canon, no slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth. **

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

* * *

><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

* * *

><p><em>Two days ago,<em> Hunith thought, angrily stuffing raw potatoes into a sack, _two days ago, our village was safe._

Two days ago, Matthew, their village leader, had been accosted by raiders on the way back from visiting his wife's family in the neighbouring village, Brigid and their young son in tow. A man and his group of thugs stopped him, and demanded payment on pain of his family's life. They realized he was a village leader, the short time though it had been since his father Matthias had died, and decided that his due should come from the whole of the village.

Hunith was seething when Matthew told them that half their food stores would be required when the bandits came back. Matthew was sure that it would be enough to appease them, and though it would be a lean winter, and a meagre planting when the time came, they would survive for another year. It was the best situation.

Hunith hissed as she threw another tuber into the bag, not caring if it bruised against the rough-hewn wooden table; the raiders certainly deserved to have mushy vegetables.

"Best situation..." She muttered, anger colouring her voice. She wasn't sure the raiders were as honourable as they said they were; she didn't think they would follow this agreement with Matthew, no matter what they promised. Nothing good could come of this.

She fumed for a few more minutes, long enough to gather the rest of the required vegetables from around her small home, and then hung her head, leaning on the table. She was being too hard. Truly, she did not know what else Matthew could have done. Those terrible men would have killed Matthew, Brigid, and their son Matthias if he refused to make the deal. It was the least the village could do, if it meant that their friends survived.

Hunith sighed, and made her way outside, leaving the bag on the table. Matthew hadn't been sure when the raiders would arrive, and the people who weren't gathering half their food, were milling around, not sure what to do next. At least it was a lovely day, the kind that made village life seem idyllic. She leaned against the wall of her home, and watched as people lingered in the main square, half-heartedly attempting to carry on with their daily lives through the tension of waiting. The only ones who managed were the children; playing freely as ever.

She remembered the days, not too long ago, when it was her own son playing in the square. But that was years ago, and Merlin was a young man now. Merlin had been at Camelot for a few months now, and from his letters, seemed quite settled. Gaius had taken him in like his own child, much as he had for her, years ago. He worked as manservant to the prince. She felt her heart swell with pride, as it did whenever she thought of her boy, though a part constricted with worry when he thought of the danger to her son in such a place as Camelot. But she had lived with worry for near twenty years. There was no place for it now.

Hunith shook her head, taking one last look at the town. She then ducked back inside, reaching for her head wrap, and binding her still thick hair up into it. It gave her hands something to do for a few minutes. After that, she bit her lip, nerves growing thin as she glanced out the doorway another time. Matthew had said the bandits were coming today, but no one knew exactly when. It made one's stomach knot up, that was for sure.

Then there came the sounds of screams from the outer edges of the village, and Hunith felt as if the string of nerves within her had snapped, sending an icy bucket of rage down her chest. Running out the door, she looked towards the sounds. The raiders had arrived.

Their leader was an ugly looking man; scarred and mangy, with a twisted beard, and a rough fur cloak. His kohl lined eyes swept over the people, most of who had huddled together in front of their houses; meekly guarding their possessions in the only way most knew how. It did nothing to stop the ruffians.

Men ran about, kicking in doors, and tearing through people's homes like pigs rooting for truffles. Some villagers were dragged out, by the arm, or by the hair, while the thugs searched.

Then the leaders called out from atop his high horse.

"Find him."

The search gained more frenzy, and Hunith frowned, glaring at the raiders. Matthew was dragged out of his home, holding baskets of vegetables. The two men who'd found him threw him to his knees, spilling the food at the feet of the leader's horse.

"It's harvest time!" He crowed, and Hunith felt a wave of disgust at his obvious glee. His men pawed through the things they had pulled from the houses, showing distaste at the pickings. One handed a couple of sacks to the leader, Kanen, Hunith remembered Matthew had said. Kanen looked at it all, face twisted in overblown disgust.

"What's this?" Matthew was on the ground still, trying to gather what had fallen, but he looked up at Kanen's words. "Where's the rest of it?"

"I only kept back what we need to survive." Matthew said firmly, and Hunith felt some of her earlier anger at him ease at his bravery. Kanen was unmoved.

"Survive?" He questioned, like it was unheard of. "I'll be back in one week, farmer, and I want to see all of it."

Hunith felt the rage flare up again, not at Matthew, who still knelt on the ground, but at Kanen, that horrible man.

"You can't take our food!" Hunith said, her voice rough with emotion and determination. She came forwards. "Our children will starve!" She thought of the little Kalyn, who helped her with her herb garden, of the little boys who played in front of her home. They'd die without adequate food in the cold winter months. "I won't let you do this!"

Hunith dove for the bags tied to Kanen's saddle, trying the tear them off, and take them back for the village. "You're not taking any of it!"

The sudden smack to her face sent her reeling to the ground. Her neighbour, the gentle Ethan shouted out her name as she fell. Hunith wanted to rise, tell him she was fine, not to worry, but her head spun. Then the sound of a crossbow release made her breath stop. The world froze, only to begin spinning again wildly as a short grunt sounded. She raised her head in time to see Ethan fall, an arrow in his chest.

Kanen leaned down, glaring at Matthew. "I will give you a week. Don't you dare disappoint me." He turned to Hunith then, who was still on the ground, her eyes filled with tears and a hand pressed to her swelling cheek. "I'll see you later, sweetheart." He leered down at her, before kicking his horse forwards. His men followed until their village was empty of invaders.

Matthew watched them go, before leaning down to help Hunith to her feet. She realized that she still hadn't taken her hand away from her face when Matthew touched her upraised wrist.

"Are you alright?" Hunith didn't answer, her eyes going past him to the figure of Ethan, lying on the ground.

"Oh, Ethan..." She moaned, brow creasing in sorrow. Ethan's wife, Luned, was kneeling beside her husband. Her hand was pressed to her mouth, much like Hunith's was to her cheek. Hunith lowered it, and took a shaky step forwards. Matthew pulled her back.

"Hunith, there's nothing you can do."

Hunith shook her head. "I have to..." It was her duty. She had trained in Camelot under Gaius the physician. She was the one that the villagers brought their sick children to, who fixed sprained ankles and gashed hands. An arrow, she choked on the thought, an arrow couldn't be that different.

But it was. Matthew didn't let go of her arm, and it was a good thing he didn't. Hunith, peering forwards, saw Ethan's lifeless eyes, never to see his young wife again, staring at the sky. Then her knees gave out until she was only held up by Matthew's arms, crouched on the ground. Not crying, but only just.

The village, aside from her small exchange with Matthew was silent, everyone reeling in shock. Luned looked like she wasn't breathing, fingers of the hand not pressed to her mouth were frantically pushing back Ethan's unruly fringe, over and over.

Then a voice piped up. "Well, that went well." A young man said bitterly. William, son of Wilbur, was Merlin's best friend, but with Hunith and the rest of the villagers, he had a more tumultuous relationship, even before his father's death turned him into the bitterly sarcastic person he was now. His words broke Luned's fragile calm, and the shaking hand could no longer hold back her wails of pain. Matthew's wife, Brigid ran to her, enfolding her in her arms, and beginning to lead her away. Two men, Ethan's brothers Puck and Daley, covered Ethan's body with one of their long coats, then picked him up and bore him towards his home. The rest of the people began to mutter, and most were unsavoury things directed towards Will.

Hunith took a deep breath. She was still on the ground, but when Matthew saw her calming herself, he helped her rise. Then he turned to the people, a tortured look on his face.

"I'm so sorry. This should never have happened." His words were rough, and Hunith remembered that Matthew and Ethan had been close friends. "It's my fault and mine alone."

"No." Hunith felt as surprised as Matthew looked at her words, at her denial. Only an hour ago she was cursing Matthew for a coward, but now she could not blame him. "The fault is no one's but Kanen's."

The crowd around her murmured in agreement.

"But, what do we do?" Conall, the village blacksmith asked, echoing the thoughts of them all. Matthew swallowed, and looked around.

"I'm open to suggestions." He said, twisting his mouth. Hunith stepped forwards.

"We cannot allow them to take our food." She simply said, and most nodded along. Will, she noticed, stay silent and still.

"But what can we do?" Someone asked, and debate began, with too many words for Hunith to keep straight who said what.

"We have to fight!"

"With what? Rakes?"

"This isn't lawful, they can't do this."

"We need help."

"The other villages are just as bad off as we are."

Then a whisper started. "The King."

"The King?"

"The King can help us."

Hunith listened, but didn't interject much, as the village's actions were decided. Someone would go to King Cenred, and plead for protection.

"I'll go." A deep, quiet voice spoke, and the crowd, still standing in the square, parted to reveal Puck. He'd returned from bearing his brother's body to rest without their notice. He wore a determined frown, which was odd to see on so gentle a giant. He was the one who'd make daisy crowns for the young girls in the spring; setting them on their heads with such pomp it was as if they were queens in court.

Matthew looked up at him gratefully; glad there had been a decision. "Alright. That's settled then."

"But who says they'll help us?" The bitter voice injected again, and Will folded his arms, determined to bring down the hopeful mood that had taken hold with the presentation of a plan. "They're nobles: rich and mighty, with more important things to worry about than the likes of us."

Matthew frowned, flustered. "We can only hope they will."

Will snorted. "Oh, cause hope's _always_ helped us in the past, has it?" He stalked off, and Hunith was glad he was gone.

Matthew tried to regain control over the impromptu meeting. "We must try." He reiterated, and it was enough. "Puck, can you be ready within the hour?"

Puck nodded and moved away. The rest of the crowd dispersed as well, and Hunith was left in the street to make her way slowly to her little cottage. She gingerly touched her aching cheek, feeling the deep bruise beginning there. She should put something on it, or it truly would be a sight to behold.

Puck would be back in three days hence if he left immediately, for the road was long to Cenred's palace. If he returned with soldiers, it could take even longer. _When,_ she corrected in her mind. Cenred would help them, they were his subjects. She sighed, rubbing her brow; Will's pessimism was getting to her.

Putting that thought out of her mind, she busied herself in preparing a poultice for her cheek, and then some calming tea for Luned. She knew what it was to lose the one you love. Though her own love was alive, somewhere, she never expected to see him again when he left. She'd grieved just as Luned was grieving now. Hunith would help Luned, and be there for her, she vowed.

She wouldn't let those terrible raiders hurt her friend any more than they had already. She would not allow them to destroy the village with their selfishness, and cruelty. This was her life here, and she'd fight for it with anything she had. This was also a promise, and one of life or death.

Four days later, and the village was in a state of tension so great that even the children didn't talk as they played; not understanding, but knowing the need to be quiet and still. Matthew paced outside his home. Puck's remaining brother Daley had taken to chopping firewood, so much that then winter came no one in the village would freeze, even if there wasn't food to cook on the warm fires. Hunith ground herbs to dust, and made poultices for wounds as if she were preparing for battle. Perhaps she was.

Finally, a tall figure was seen on the road into town. Hope flared when the townsfolk realized it was Puck, returned from Cenred's palace. It died just as quickly as it became apparent that he walked alone.

"No soldiers?" Matthew gasped, despair leaking into his tone. He stood at Hunith's side, a line of welcoming villagers waiting for news. It wasn't good. Will, from the back of the group, chuckled darkly, muttering.

"What did I tell you?"

In the end, Puck could not convince Cenred that their town was worth a few soldiers. No help came, and the spirit of the town sank to a new low. Hunith looked around at the faces of fear and hopelessness, and grit her teeth.

"Well," She started, stepping out to face her friends and neighbours with her hands on her hips. "We've appealed to one king. Why not try another?"

Mathew frowned, and everyone else looked at her in confusion.

"You mean...Uther?" Matthew said.

"Why not? Camelot is closer than Cenred's palace is anyway, I can make it there tomorrow. Merlin is there, servant to the crown prince. Surely he could at least get me an audience."

Will cut in. "Uther's not going to be any different than Cenred, Hunith. There's no hope."

"There is always hope!" She snapped, losing her patience with the boy. Matthew, however, looked thoughtful, and Hunith turned her attention to him.

"Hunith's right. We must take the chance." Matthew said. Hunith broke into a smile, before turning away, hurrying home to pack.

She estimated her journey time as she rolled up a few blankets, and tucked away a few things to eat. She could be to the city as early as tomorrow morning, if she hurried and left soon.

There was an old and gentle mare in the fields behind her home, one that she shared with a few others on the road. They divided the costs of upkeep, and all used her various tasks and pleasure rides. She was a sweet thing, and Hunith would be glad of her company on the road.

"Come of then, Latha," She murmured, rubbing the horse's nose. She nickered as Hunith busied herself with saddling her, and securing her small pack. Then she mounted, and with one last look at the town, set off.

The journey was an easy one this time of year. The roads were clear, and safe, especially once one entered Uther's lands. For all his policies on magic, he did run his kingdom well, and Hunith had never heard of undue problems with bandits or other unsavoury characters on the main roads. His knights were legendary and their patrols regular.

Camelot was much closer to Ealdor than their own King was. Esctia was large, and Cenred turned his concerns to other things than his border towns. For most of the village, people knew more friends and loved ones in Camelot than their own king's lands, herself included. Her son resided there, and she had many old friends from when she herself lived there. Merlin wrote to her often of his life, his friends and his work, namely Prince Arthur. He seemed to have struck up a genuine friendship with the prince. It was unheard of for master and servant to be friends, but that was her Merlin, always doing things his own way.

This was a benefit in being the one to deliver the message to King Uther; she'd get to see her son again, and her old teacher. A happy smile filled her face for a moment. Thought circumstances weren't the best, it would be good to see him.

Hunith camped once it got too dark to see the road, and after a few hours sleep, set off again before dawn the next morning. She was anxious to be there, for it was only two days hence that Kanen's men would return. She felt the time limit twist inside her like a pulsing knife.

As the sun rose fully, she ascended a rise and saw the great city, Camelot standing in all its glory. It really was magnificent, even for all the atrocities that went on there. She felt a wave of relief in seeing it. She was so very close.

She gained entrance, and stabled her horse for a coin in the lower town. Then, luggage in hand, Hunith set off to find her son.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

* * *

><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

* * *

><p>Merlin woke to the sun blazing into his room, slashing across his face with all the subtly of a …well, of Prince Arthur. He sat bolt upright, and stared at the window, realizing with a jolt that it was much later than he needed to be awake.<p>

"Why didn't Gaius wake me?" He mumbled in a panic, rising and fumbling into his clothes, running down the stairs. In the main room, Gaius was engrossed in something on the table, involving a large amount of beakers, and bubbling liquids. Merlin didn't stay to see what he was doing.

"Bye Gaius, I'm so late." Merlin shouted, running out the door in a whirlwind of papers. Gaius did not look up.

He rushed to the kitchens, and skidded to a stop outside the great wooden door, trying to stop panting, and pull himself together. Merlin entered, his breath slowing, and twisted through the busy kitchens to where the Prince's meals should be. There was nothing on the board, and Merlin felt a twisting of panic.

"Mary!" Merlin called the head cook, one with whom he had a tumultuous, but rather fond relationship. "Mary, where is Prince Arthur's breakfast?"

Mary turned in her cooking, and eyed him in annoyance.

"You didn't show up, so I sent it up with a serving girl before it got cold."

Merlin groaned. That meant that Arthur had been woken and served by someone already. He was already awake, and probably waiting with a list of punishments on hand. That was so much worse than Merlin simply waking him late, since at least them the prince would have had extra sleep to temper his anger.

"Oh, I'm dead."

Merlin turned to high tail it to Arthur's chambers, and try to damage control the situation, when a hand on the scruff of his neck made his pause. Mary dragged him back, glaring, but underneath was a smidgeon of sympathy.

"'Ere," She said, pushing a hot sweet roll into his hands. Merlin grinned at her.

"Aw, Mary. You do care."

Mary grunted, and swatted him with her ever present towel. "Oh, get on."

Merlin sent one last smile backwards and scampered of, wolfing down the roll. It was delicious, one of Mary's best recipes, but he couldn't still be chewing when he showed up to Arthur. He swallowed down the last of it as he rounded the corner, and burst into Arthur's room, wincing in anticipation.

"Sorry, sorry! I'm late, I know." Merlin said hurriedly. Arthur was sitting at his table, with the empty plate of breakfast before him. He was glowering, and Merlin knew that Arthur wanted to give the impression that he had been waiting for ages, when Merlin knew he probably had just finished. He was still in his nightclothes, and wore an impressive glare.

"What excuse do you have this time?" Arthur asked. Merlin winced.

"Ah…It's not my fault? Gaius didn't wake me…" Arthur rolled his eyes.

"So you're blaming Gaius?" Arthur said. Merlin shook his head.

"Not blaming, no…he was busy. With something. And I was asleep, so I didn't get up."

"Obviously." Arthur finished, sighing. "Well, you're here now. So you can draw my bath. I have a council meeting in less than an hour, so hurry up. If you're capable of that?"

Merlin muttered something about lazy, annoying princes, and Arthur put on his best pleasant voice.

"What was that?" Arthur asked with a terrifying smile.

"Nothing." Merlin said, and fled the room towards the water pump.

* * *

><p>The path to the Court Physician's chambers was familiar to Hunith, as was the jostling crowd. Camelot was as she remembered; busy, loud and fast. Merchants shouted their wares, and everywhere people bustled to and fro.<p>

Hunith's elbows recalled their long forgotten practice of jabbing and jerking to get her way, and in a few moments time, she was heading up to the citadel. The morning sun reflected off the white stone just as it had done years ago, and she stood still for a moment. This city was the place of much pain in her life, but there were also moments of joy including the wonder of the city itself, the beauty and majesty of the castle. Then she turned, shaking her head. Merlin lived here now, not Hunith, and there was no time for dallying.

She entered the square below the castle, and began searching out the pathway that would lead to Gaius' quarters.

It was then that she heard a sound that made her heart soar.

"Mother?" Her son, Merlin's voice came to her ears, and she turned around with a smile already on her face. He looked the same as ever, fetching water, but he set it down as she gasped out his name, and ran to him, intending to sweep him up into her arms and never let go.

Merlin smiled delightedly at seeing her, but as she neared, his face changed to confusion and a bit of anger. His eyes focused on her bruised cheek. He took her shoulders, stopping the embrace, and raised one hand to hover uncertainly above her face.

"What happened?" He asked. She pursed her lips, wondering how to begin, but she wasn't answering fast enough, and so Merlin leaned in urgently. "Who did this to you?"

Hunith realised that her earlier thought that Merlin looked the same as he'd done when he left Ealdor was wrong. He did look different, and sounded different too. Older, more mature, as if he'd seen things, and done things he would never tell her about. When had Merlin begun sounding so...almost threatening?

She sighed, putting her hands to Merlin's face, taking him in sadly. Hunith knew the news she brought would hurt him. His home was under attack. Ethan, a few years older than Merlin, had always been kind to him and now he was dead.

"Some things have happened in Ealdor, my son." Merlin let out a breath, scooping up her bedroll as well as the bucket he'd set down when he saw her, before turning to lead her to Gaius' chambers.

"I can see that." He eyed her face, anger still darkening it. "Who hit you, Mother?"

"I'll tell you and Gaius together." Hunith said, walking forwards with him. Merlin nodded, biting his lip the way he did when he was anxious. Then, suddenly, Merlin leaned over, and kissed her unbruised cheek.

"I'm glad you're here, regardless. I've missed you." He smiled at her then. Hunith felt her eyes well up at the look; that at least hadn't changed. She kissed him back, having to lean up on tiptoes to reach his cheek.

"I've missed you too, Merlin."

They quickly covered the distance between the square and the physician's chambers, catching up from the time they last saw each other.

Merlin made her laugh more than once with stories about his life as a servant to the prince, and she told him who's gotten married, and what changes had gone on since he left.

When they reached Gaius' chambers, the man himself was engrossed in staring at a bubbling vial, and didn't look up.

"I'm very busy at the moment, so unless it's an emergency, kindly close the door on the way out." Gaius said, scribbling something down frantically. Merlin's mouth quirked and he shut the door behind them with a decided click. Gaius continued on, still not looking up.

Hunith hid her smile behind her hand, remembering Gaius from years ago; he hadn't changed a bit.

Merlin folded his arms, and leaned against the door, smiling openly. He cleared his throat.

Gaius spared a single glance up, before turning back to his experiments in annoyance

"Merlin, can't you see I'm busy..." He trailed off, doing a double take towards the door, and his former apprentice standing there. "Hunith!"

Hunith smiled at Gaius, coming forward to be enfolded in a warm hug. "It's good to see you."

"My dear girl," Gaius said, pulling away. However, his smile faded when he saw her face. "What's happened to you?" His hand hovered over her cheek, like Merlin's had done.

Merlin meanwhile, moved her things further in, and pulled out a chair for her to sit. Hunith sat gratefully, feeling the effects of her day of travel. Merlin pushed a cup of tea into her hands, the steaming liquid moments from being cold water. Hunith murmured her thank yous, but Gaius gave Merlin a chastening look. He returned a sheepish look to his guardian, and Hunith felt a chill at how easily she'd dismissed that blatant magic use. She realized how much more careful Merlin had to be here, than he'd ever had to be at home. A pang of guilt and nervousness crossed her heart at sending her boy here, where a single mistake would result in getting him killed.

Hunith blinked away her thoughts, focusing on the two expectant faces perched on the bench across from her. She sighed, and rubbed her brow, wondering how to start.

"Why don't you tell us what happened, my child?" Gaius said, patting her on the knee. Hunith nodded, taking a sip of the tea. There was a bitter flavour after swallowing, which coated the tongue; a mild pain reliever which would ease the tightness in her face, and the tired ache of her head, but leave her wits intact. Her son had been learning. She raised an eyebrow at Merlin, before shaking her head, and taking another gulp.

Thus fortified, she began her story. As she finished, she had to fight back tears of relief and stress. Merlin, who'd taken in the story in tense silence, with anger and grief crossing his face in turns, knew now. He would help. Hunith wondered when she'd come to depend so on her boy, who really was a man now.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden slamming as the door to Gaius' chambers was thrown open violently. A voice, commanding but young, then bellowed her son's name.

"Merlin! Where have you been, you lazy idiot? I called for a bath an hour ago!" Merlin had jumped when Arthur stormed in, and now stood, looking apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Sire. I...forgot." Merlin glanced at his mother, a blush creeping over his face. So, this was the prince Merlin worked for. She studied him, where he stood in the doorway, mid tirade. He looked so very...knightly: Blond, muscled, (handsome, if her mature eyes could still judge aright) and arrogant.

"You _forgot_." Arthur's voice dripped with an _I-should-have-known _quality, rolling his eyes heavenward. He threw his hands into the air. "I had to go straight off to a council meeting, and I was nearly late, and I feel bad for the poor sod who sat next to me, all because my useless servant _forgets_ to draw my bath. Honestly, Merlin, what could possibly..." He stopped suddenly, seemingly realizing that there was something different in the room. Arthur's eyes came to rest on her, and his brow inched upwards. She stood in the moment of quiet, and curtseyed, her form still good after years of disuse. She had to hide and amused smile at the look on his face. Oh yes, at first glance he was rude, arrogant and oh so manly, but there was no venom in his voice, only honest exasperation (and really, Merlin seemed to inspire that emotion in many people, herself included, so she couldn't blame him that!) Other masters would have beaten their servant for forgetting a chore, but Arthur seemed a different type.

Merlin seemed frozen, stuck between being on the end of a lecture from Arthur, and the news from his mother. Finally, his brain seemed to wake, and gestured sharply to Hunith.

"My mother!" Merlin blurted. Arthur's face cleared of its mild confusion as comprehension came. "Arthur, this is Hunith, my mother. Mother, Prince Arthur."

"Pleasure to meet you." Arthur responded, his manners kicking in.

"Hunith arrived this morning, sire." Gaius interjected. Arthur then seemed to notice the bruise on Hunith's face, and the tense atmosphere he'd interrupted.

"What's happened?" His tone had shifted, subtly, to a prince, instead of an exasperated but fond master. Hunith could almost hear the protective instincts coming to the fore.

"My home village is being attacked by raiders." Merlin said, his face serious. "They've killed one, hurt others," He looked at Hunith worriedly, "And are intending to steal all the food the villagers have."

Arthur frowned, taking in the news. Hunith stepped forwards, speaking boldly to the prince.

"I've come to speak with King Uther, and ask for his help, my lord."

Merlin looked to the prince. "Please, Arthur. Can you get her in to see the king?"

Arthur's eyes held her sons gaze, and then swept over her, lingering on the darkening bruise, before nodding.

"I'll see what I can do."

Hunith felt her knees go almost weak in relief. "Thank you," she murmured, and her son echoed.

"Thank you, Arthur."

Arthur said nothing, but clapped Merlin on the shoulder and strode out, leaving three hopeful gazes in his wake.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>A mere hour later, a miracle by anyone's standards, Arthur watched Merlin usher his mother into the throne room. It had taken some convincing for his father to see the peasant woman; Uther was busy with court matters throughout most days, and it usually took days if not longer to see the king in anything but the direst of circumstances. But Arthur had insisted that as his manservant, Merlin was entitled to an audience, as was his immediate and only family (that he was aware of). Uther had acquiesced, and Hunith was allowed in.<p>

He'd returned to Gaius' chambers to find them all in the midst of a morning meal. Merlin stood the moment he came in, face tense and questioning.

"Well, what did he say?"

Arthur came further in, putting a gentle hand under Hunith's elbow and raising her to her feet.

"The king will hear you, but it must been within the hour. If you're ready, I'd come now."

Merlin's face broke into a grin, and he whooped. Hunith smiled widely at him, and for a moment, Arthur thought she was going to hug him.

"Thank you, sire." Hunith's voice was earnest, and she curtsied low. Arthur waved a hand.

"It was nothing. Come quick as you can."

Arthur turned, and strode out, and this time the faces he left behind were joyous.

He hurried to the throne room, finding it filled with various people, including Morgana and Gwen, and Uther looking bored upon his throne. He stepped up to Morgana.

"Morgana, Gwen." He greeted. "Merlin's mother is in town." He cut off their gasps, and looks of excitement with a held up hand. "She's in trouble, her village is under attack. She's on her way here with Merlin to speak to the king."

"Oh my," Gwen murmured. Morgana tightened her jaw.

"What can we do?" She asked.

"Be a support to Merlin, and Hunith. I'm sure the king will help."

Morgana and Gwen nodded, and turned to the entrance, where Merlin was leading in his mother with perfect timing for once. Arthur went to stand beside his father on the dais.

Arthur watched as Morgana and Gwen greeted Hunith and Merlin, and led them in towards Uther. They looked delighted to be introduced to Merlin's mother.

Uther watched from his throne, looking impressive as always, leaving Hunith by comparison looking small standing alone in front of the throne. Her hands were shaking as she wrung them together, though she stood tall in the light from the window, which threw her bruises into high relief. Merlin and Gaius stood back, and Morgana and Gwen watched from alongside the throne, turned towards Hunith to make it clear that their hearts were in this plea.

"What is your complaint?" Uther asked, and Hunith began the tale.

"My lord, I come from the village of Ealdor, seeking aid. We are overrun with raiders who demand our food and harvest. One man has already been killed in trying to protect those who couldn't fight back. Our winters are harsh in Ealdor, and there are many children. Some of them just won't be strong enough to survive. We barely have enough food as it is, and if Kanen takes our harvest, our children won't live to see another summer." She swallowed, and continued. "Please, we need your help."

This was the first time that Arthur had heard the details of Ealdor's attack, and he frowned to hear of the man killed only for protecting his right to survive. She did not say, but Arthur was willing to bet that those bruises came from the attacking men as well.

Uther, however, looked unmoved.

"Ealdor is in Cenred's kingdom. Your safety is his responsibility." Arthur glanced at his father, disliking his flippant tone. Isn't a king responsible for all innocent's safety, whether they are in their kingdom or not?

"We've appealed to our king," Hunith continued."But he cares little for the outlying regions. You're our only hope."

There was a moment of tense silence. Hunith's face was pleading, humble, while Merlin from behind her, was giving a hard stare to Uther. Arthur turned to look at his father, seeing his pensive face, and dared to hope that Uther would agree to the request.

Finally, Uther shifted, and Arthur knew he'd made his decision. He clasped his hands together and leaned forwards, speaking to Hunith more personably than before.

"I have the deepest sympathy for you, and would have this barbarian wiped off the face of the earth." Arthur almost smiled, standing up straighter to agree to lead a band of men to Ealdor when the order came. Merlin's face lit up, and Hunith's showed amazed disbelief.

"You'll help us?"

"I wish I could."

Arthur's heart sank, and the faces of all before him fell in terrible disappointment. But, Arthur could not let it rest there.

"Surely we can spare a few men?" It would be nothing at all; his knights could take a group of raiders with their eyes closed.

But Uther was relaxing into the back of the chair, his decision made, and Arthur realized it would be very hard to change his mind now.

"Resources are not the problem." The king said, rubbing his chin with a gloved fist. He still looked troubled, but determined.

Morgana could take no more of this, and turned to speak sharply.

"Than what is?"

"Ealdor lies beyond the ridge of Aesctir. For an army of Camelot to enter it would be an act of war." Uther said, his voice matter of fact, and Arthur realized with a heart further dropping that he was right. Cenred would not stand for an armed force to fight within his kingdom.

Hunith then sank to her knees, a look of humble pleading on her face, and peered up at Uther. Merlin behind her started, looking at her uncomfortably. Arthur thought it must be unsettling to see one's parent begging on their knees, and he frowned deeper.

"I know you're a good king. A caring man. I'm begging you, help us please?" Her voice cracked at the last syllable, and Merlin bit his lip, still staring at his mother. Arthur tightened his fingers around his folded arms. He knew that Uther was correct, at least in the matter of warfare, but that didn't mean they had to turn her away with no help at all. Arthur could not speak up so blatantly against his father in public court, but he found himself hoping that Uther would think of another way, some matter they could ease her burden on.

To Arthur, the king did look genuinely regretful now, but it made no difference. Though Hunith's pleading had been sincere, Uther stood by his choice.

"The accord we've struck with Cenred was years in the making." Arthur knew as soon as he heard those words that this was useless. Uther would not help. He turned his head to the side, and tried not to let his disappointment show. "I cannot risk hundreds of lives for the sake of one village. I'm afraid Camelot cannot help."

A wash of despair rushed over the room, and Hunith's head bowed, her eyes closing as her hopes were crushed. Morgana stepped forwards towards Hunith, but not before sending a bitter glare at the king. Her feelings were plain. She reached Hunith, and lifted her off the floor. Hunith smiled weakly at Morgana as the other woman murmured something in her ear. She turned then to lead Hunith from the room.

Merlin was angry as well; his eyes were dark, fixed on Uther in a glare. Arthur thought it was the most furious he'd ever seen him.

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><p>Merlin could feel his shoulders tense, and his strides getting longer and longer as he led Gaius and Hunith back to their chambers. It filtered in that both of them were struggling to keep up with him, and so he forced himself to stop as he reached the doorway to the main room of the chambers, waiting for a good minute for them to catch up and pass by him into the room, all the while, holding himself stiff as a board. When they'd cleared the doorway, he shut the door, slamming a bit harder than necessary.<p>

Gaius took a slow seat on the bench, and Merlin just knew he had a lecture coming. He clenched his teeth, not sure if he could take it right now. Sure enough...

"Mer—"

"No, Gaius." Merlin cut him off, voice sharp, and started pacing. "I don't know why I even hoped that Uther would help. He doesn't care about anything except himself!" Merlin found that his fists were clenched, and he was breathing heavily, ready to do something, anything. Perhaps take on Kanen's men himself, or run up to the throne room and punch Uther in the jaw. Power filled him as his anger rose, and jars and vials began to rattle ominously from the edges of the room. Gaius stood, concern lining his brow.

Merlin knew he should be controlling himself more than he was; he hadn't lost control of his magic and emotions like this since he was much younger. The magic was crackling around him, wanting to help, to protect...it made the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rise. Then a gentle touch, long not felt, made it through his rage, and Merlin took a deep breath. The magic in the air calmed, and the jumpy dishes settled as Hunith pulled Merlin closer, and he buried his face in her shoulder. He breathed heavily again, against her dress, and spoke.

"I'm coming with you. I can help." He could, he knew it. More now than ever. If she knew the things he'd done...

She pulled back, an automatic look of worry crossing her face, before it cleared and she searched his gaze. Merlin was calmer now, but she could see the hidden anger rolling inside. He gave her a small smile, and she returned it.

"Oh my wonderful boy," She murmured, putting a cool hand to his face. "Thank you."

Merlin swallowed, and pulled her close again, not letting go of his embrace until Gaius put a hand on his shoulder. He held Merlin's empty pack, and was looking at them both gravely.

"You must leave soon. You have only two days left." Merlin nodded, feeling his worry jump at the statement. He took the pack, intending to run upstairs and gather up his things, when he realized: There was something else that he needed to do first.

Merlin set down the pack, and ran out the door without another word, leaving Hunith to look at Gaius and smile.

"He still does that?"

Gaius smiled, and looked out the door fondly. "He never stops."

Arthur stayed behind in the throne room as it cleared, watching his father prepare to leave for a mid day break. His jaw was tense, but Uther was relaxed, the appeal that morning probably already buried in mindless affairs of state.

Arthur stepped forwards as Uther turned to follow the other counsellors out of the room.

"Father, a word?" Uther turned back, a smile on his lips.

"Ah, Arthur. What is it you need?" Arthur stared solemnly at his father.

"Why did you turn away that peasant woman's plea?" Uther looked at him, confused for a moment.

"Peasant woman?"

"Merlin's mother." Arthur ground out, offended beyond what was reasonable that his father didn't even remember. Uther's eyes cleared; if nothing else, Merlin's uselessness, and general annoyingness made him at least, hard to forget.

"Of course. You know my reasons, Arthur. My decision is final."

Arthur breathed in. "Her plea was reasonable. She did not ask for an army, simply help. One or two men would be able to—"

"A single armed knight, fighting in the name of Camelot, would be enough to bring Cenred down upon all of our heads. Now you would have me risk that for the sake of one village?"

Arthur shook his head, anger silencing him for a moment. Then he spoke again, as if Uther hadn't interrupted. "Furthermore, Merlin is her son, and my personal manservant. One who saved my life. On those grounds _alone_, she should be granted help. Something!"

Uther turned fully to his son, fierceness on his brow that wasn't there before.

"It does not matter who she is, or who her son is. I cannot risk war. Now, you'd best get your priorities straight, Arthur. Would you really condemn hundreds to die, hundreds of your people? Think on that."

With those words, Uther left, leaving Arthur's anger fading, and his shoulders slumped.

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><p>Morgana led Hunith away as soon as they were clear of the throne room, still smiling gently to reassure the older woman. Once she was safely at Gwen's side, and heading to her chambers, she let her true emotions show, tightly glaring at anyone who dared make eye contact. She swept through the corridors, leaving Gwen scurrying to keep up. She was trembling with anger at Uther, Uther who would not help a poor woman, or her defenceless village. A woman who's son is manservant to the prince, and a trusted member of the royal household...not that that fact held any weight with Uther. Nothing could move his stubborn pride.<p>

She entered the room, and Morgana began pacing, wishing she could do _something_.

The door clicked behind her, and Morgana whirled to the doorway only to see Gwen enter, looking as troubled as she felt. Morgana felt a flash a guilt for leaving her in the corridors in her anger.

"Gwen!" Morgana rushed forwards, hands held out. "We must do something."

Gwen took her hands, and patted one. "I know. Merlin has helped so many people. He deserves some help of his own."

Morgana smiled. "My thoughts exactly." A plan was forming in her head. One that would give Merlin the help that he needed, and would most definitely upset Uther terribly. It was perfect.

"Gwen, what if we go back with him to Ealdor?" Gwen looked startled.

"Is he going back there?" Morgana huffed, releasing Gwen's hands and turning to sit on the bed.

"Of course he is. His mother came to him for help, and got none. You know him, he'll go. He would not deny her."

Gwen's eyes widened. "To fight the raiders..."

Morgana nodded, grim ideas flitting through her mind. "Which is why he'll need all the help he can get." Merlin had helped them, and would help them with anything they asked. Why could they not do the same for him?"

Gwen stepped forwards and joined her on the bed, looking pensive.

"We could ask Arthur. I'm sure he would feel the same." Morgana said then, voice firm.

"He'd be in so much trouble, as would you, my lady." Gwen looked even more worried, but Morgana shook her head as if that was nothing to be concerned about.

"Arthur cares about Merlin. He'd come, even if it meant getting in trouble. He'd better, anyway." Morgana stood, her decision made, and looked to Gwen. "You go get your things and see if you can get some chain mail and maybe a sword for Merlin. I doubt he has anything to use as a weapon. I'll gather my own things and then talk to Arthur. "

Gwen nodded, and stood. She still looked a little unsure, and Morgana frowned lightly.

"Gwen, are you with us in this?" Morgana met her eyes, almost pleading. The look seemed to give Gwen some determination.

"Yes, I am. For Merlin."

"For Merlin."


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

* * *

><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Merlin found Arthur staring out over the battlements, leaning on the wall. He approached softly, and stood beside him, slapping his hands firmly on the low wall, and leaning against it. Merlin looked out over the lower town, not sure what to say.<p>

He was going to leave with his mother. Merlin was coming to realize that he didn't necessarily mean coming back afterwards. His mother had been all alone in Ealdor, no one there to protect her. The bruise on her face was evidence of that. If he'd been there, he could have stopped the raiders from hurting his sole kin. He was becoming more sure with each passing second; he could not leave his mother undefended.

Merlin breathed out, shifting, wanting to start but not wanting to break the news.

"I'm sorry," Arthur then said, taking the choice from him. Merlin blinked. It was so rare to hear those words from the prince. "If it were up to me, we'd on our way there now."

Merlin's face softened, some of his tension and remaining anger leaving him at Arthur's heartfelt words. He knew without a doubt that what Arthur said was true, and the thought touched him.

"You tried." Merlin half shrugged, trying to let Arthur know that it was enough. Then he turned to Arthur. "And thank you, for getting an audience with the king."

Arthur was still staring, and did not acknowledge him. Merlin could see how upset Arthur was at his father's refusal to help.

"I wish Camelot were able to help people regardless of how far away they lived." Arthur then murmured, and Merlin had to look out over the horizon again to hide his emotions. How he wished that too.

But he still hadn't told Arthur what he needed to say, and time was running short. Merlin whipped back around, deciding to just get it all out at once.

"I'm going back to Ealdor." He said, his voice firm. Arthur turned to look at him momentarily, meeting his eyes.

"Of course." Arthur agreed.

Merlin worked his mouth, realizing Arthur didn't understand. The prince thought he meant until the trouble was over, until his mother was out of danger. Then he'd be back, and life would go back to what it always was. But Merlin meant to stay longer that just a quick trp. He meant for good.

But how could he tell Arthur that although his life in Camelot was everything to him, that he loved the city and was glad to have found the friends that he did, he felt ashamed of leaving his mother? He looked back at himself, only months ago, and saw a young naïve boy, stupidly leaving his mother alone and unprotected, while he went off to have adventures. The knowledge that his mother had been harmed in his absence churned in his stomach like a snake. He could not do that again.

"It's been an honour serving you." Merlin blurted, for truly it had. Merlin will miss this arrogant, princely man before him. He tried not to think of the dragon's words of destiny and coins, and friendship. What could be more important than a man's mother? Family before destiny, even if it hurt.

Arthur turned to him again, noticing Merlin's tone, and frowning in confusion.

"You'll be coming back." It was almost a question, but mostly an order. One that he'd have to disobey.

Merlin smiled a little. "Well, she's my mother." He said softly. "I've got look after her before anyone else. You understand?" Arthur did not meet his eyes, looking again out over the town as if it held all the answers. Then he lifted his jaw sharply, an almost nod.

"I'd do exactly the same."

A moment passed, as they both realised that this was most likely goodbye.

"Well," Arthur started, looking down at the stone of the wall, as if he were gathering his courage, before swinging around to really face Merlin for the first time. "You've been terrible." It was so like Arthur, that Merlin began to smile, knowing how much he'd miss this. "Really, I mean it. The worst servant I've ever had."

Merlin nodded, laughing a little. "Thank you, sire."

They held each other's gaze for another moment, before Arthur turned back to the view. Merlin, taking this as his dismissal turned to go. He was a few steps away when Arthur called him back.

"Merlin," Merlin turned, and Arthur gave him one more small smile. "Good luck."

A nod of gratitude and goodbye and so much Merlin couldn't say, and then Merlin walked on.

After packing a few things, and changing into a travel tunic and trousers (and earning a few curious looks along the way) Morgana approached Arthur's chambers.

He was by the window as she entered, staring out of it like he liked to do. He turned suddenly to her, a strange mixture of hurt and hope on his face, before it quickly morphed into wariness when he saw it was her. Morgana wondered who he'd thought she was.

"Morgana," Arthur greeted carefully.

"Arthur." She returned, coming closer to stand beside him, peering down into the square. She couldn't fathom what it was he always was staring at, when he got in a brooding mood. Arthur turned back to the windows, and then did a double take.

"Why are you dressed like that?" He asked.

"Why, do you think a woman had to always wear frilly dresses?" She shot back, unable to resister their usual sniping. Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Father does." He stated, and Morgana huffed. She then turned towards him fully.

"I'm going back to Ealdor with Merlin. I'm going to help him fight the raiders." Before she'd even finished her sentence, Arthur was shaking his head in a negative.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am Arthur. He would do the same for you or any of us. He has done so, and he deserves the favour in return." Morgana argued. "And if you're any kind of friend to Merlin, you'd come too."

"Merlin is my servant, nothing more." Arthur's voice was flat.

"That's a lie, and you know it, Arthur Pendragon!" Morgana saw red for a moment, and then she took a breath, controlling her anger. Shouting would not convince Arthur, she knew.

"Gwen and I are going to help fight. That village is full of helpless people, and they need a leader in battle. Innocent people will die if we don't help."

Arthur turned to her fully, face to face in front of the window. "And what if you die as well? Do you think that because you are women, that these raiders will not strike you down as soon as look at you?"

Morgana raised her chin, and smiled. "I was able to beat you."

Arthur ignored the jab. "And what about Gwen? She has had no training in fighting. Would you send her to her death?"

"Would you send Merlin to his?" Morgana snapped, anger again colouring her voice. Arthur looked away.

"Merlin can defend himself—"

"No! If you send him out there, if he goes alone, he won't be coming back." Morgana hissed. Arthur rounded on her.

"So you think sending two women with him is going to raise his chances?" Morgana went to challenge that, but Arthur waved her off. "No, it doesn't even matter, because Merlin isn't coming back anyway!" Arthur ranted. "He just told me, he intends to stay with his mother."

Morgana blinked, taken aback. She hadn't been expecting Merlin to make that kind of decision so quickly, nor for Arthur to be so obviously torn up about it. She sighed, thinking.

"Gwen and I are going with him, and perhaps once the danger is passed and his mother is safe, he will return to Camelot with us."

Arthur waved his hand in dismissal, turning back to the window.

"He said he means to stay. He said, it had been 'an honour serving me.'" Morgana could hear emotions in Arthur's usually controlled voice, but could not identify them.

"Come with us. Perhaps over the journey we can convince him to stay."

"No." Arthur's voice held no trace of the previous emotions, toneless and determined. He sounded as he always did when he was doing something he did not want to do, but felt was his duty. "He's made his choice, and I will respect that." He rubbed his brow. "If you and Gwen want to go...I will see that you aren't missed for as long as I can."

Morgana sighed, and then smiled. It was something at least. "Thank you, Arthur." She turned to go.

"Morgana," Arthur called back, and she met his worried eyes. "Both of you come back safe. And take care of Merlin." Morgana nodded, and then shut the door on her way out.

Gwen caught him on his way back to Gaius'.

"Merlin!" She grabbed his arm, and tugged him to a stop. "I have some things for your journey, err...back at my house." Merlin blinked at her.

"How did you know...?"

"You are going back to Ealdor with your mother, aren't you?" Gwen asked, still trying to tug him along towards her home. Merlin felt a trace of hurt whisper through him, at the casual way she said it. Did she care he was leaving? He shook it off, and turned his attentions to attempting to return to his long list of tasks that still needed doing.

"I only just told Arthur." Merlin said, and Gwen shook her head.

"I know you, Merlin." Was all she said.

Merlin looked at her, and then pulled back again.

"Wait, Gwen, I've got to get back. Mother will want to leave right away..."

"It will only take a minute."

Gwen tightened her grip on his elbow, and pulled him forwards. Merlin sighed silently, and moved with her.

She led him into her small house, where a few things sat packed on the table. Merlin eyed them curiously, but Gwen moved passed them, and to a few stacks of chain mail against the wall. Merlin stepped up to the table, and fiddled with the top of the bag, remembering how much he still needed to pack. It seemed so much, to gather up his life here, and start again back in Ealdor.

"Here," Gwen said, and he turned to her. Merlin was surprised to see her with a sword in her hand, seemingly expecting him to take it. He reached for it gingerly.

The hilt was warm leather and the grip fit his hand nicely, he found to his surprise. It wasn't as heavy as Arthur's swords were, but it seemed strong regardless.

"Tell me how it feels?" Gwen asked. Merlin blanked a bit.

_Uhh... _

"Yeah," He swung it around a bit; similar to how Arthur swings a sword before charging, except that in his hands it felt hopelessly awkward. Nevertheless, he nodded a bit to Gwen. "That feels...that feels really good. Very, erm..." He knocked on the blade and felt the vibrations up the handle. "Swordy." That was the best he could come up with. A glance at Gwen showed her raised eyebrows, and he shrugged a bit at her helplessly.

Then, Merlin's mind clicked, and he realized that Gwen was letting him take this sword to Ealdor. He looked down at the blade in his hand, nervously eyeing it as if it would jump out at him. Somehow, knowing this sword was meant for him made it so much more sharp and dangerous than Arthur's swords; perhaps because Arthur knew what he was doing, and Merlin really didn't.

Gwen moved back to the other bags along the wall. "I've packed some armour for you." She said, hefting a bag of chain mail. Merlin knew from experience how much that weighed, and it would be too much to pack back. He and his mother only had one horse between them, and they couldn't weigh either themselves or Latha down with heavy armour.

"I won't be able to carry all that—" He started, but was interrupted by someone coming in the door.

"You won't have to." Morgana smiled at him. She was wearing trousers and armoured braces on her arms. "We're coming with you."

Merlin looked at them in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Gwen answered. "You're going to need all the help you can get. I can mend armour, and sharpen swords."

"And I can fight." Morgana finished.

Merlin stared, looking back and forth between the others. "But, you can't. I mean, why would you?" Gwen looked at him earnestly.

"If it were the other way round, you'd help us. You already have. You saved my life."

"And you helped me get that druid boy out of Camelot." Morgana added, flashing unpleasant memories through Merlin's head. "We owe it to you. Both of us." She smiled, and Merlin felt a warm feeling in his chest. He felt a relief that he'd have people with him. If they were coming, wasn't it a better chance than going alone?

"I wouldn't ask this of you." He said, still not wanting to drag them into this. It would be dangerous. They shook their heads.

"We're asking you, let us help you." Morgana said earnestly. Merlin looked to them both, and then he smiled, and nodded.

"Alright," Merlin said, taking a breath. "You can come with me. Have you both got your bags packed? We're leaving as soon as we can gather everything we need."

Morgana and Gwen nodded, and Merlin clapped his hands together once. "Right. Okay. Meet me in the stables, I suppose. I'll have to go get my mother's horse from the lower stables, and find a horse for me, since we'll all be riding..." Merlin's voice descended into a mumble of all the things he still needed to do. Gwen and Morgana made eye contact, and smiled.

"Go on then, Merlin." Gwen shooed Merlin out, and at the last minute, handing him the mail and sword. "And don't forget these!"

Merlin looked helplessly at the things in his hands, and chuckled a bit. "Ah, right. Of course. How could I?" With that, he took off at a jog, still listing things in his head, while Gwen and Morgana laughed.

Merlin met Hunith on the way down from Gaius' chambers. Well, in actuality, he nearly knocked her over, if not for her quick reflexes. She caught herself against the stone wall, and then put a hand to her chest for a moment.

"I haven't had to do that since you were young, and always running into my legs."

Merlin smiled, remembering the countless times he'd fallen flat on his face, while his mother always seemed to stay standing. He wondered sometimes if he had gotten his lack of grace from his father, for his mother never faltered in any move she made.

"Where are you going?" Merlin then asked, moving so she could pass him on the stairs.

"To get Latha ready," Merlin noticed she held her bedroll, and he took it from her.

"I was going to get her for you." He said, but she shook her head.

"You haven't even packed for yourself yet, my son." Hunith smiled at him, and took the bedroll back. "I'll go and get her ready, and you can meet me at the stables." Merlin nodded in agreement, and started running up the stairs. Then he skidded to a halt, turned and ran back down to where his mother stood.

"Bring Latha up to the royal stables once you've saddled her. Gwen and the Lady Morgana are coming with us." He turned to dash off again, leaving Hunith standing in the stairwell, with her mouth open in shock. Why in the world would the Lady Morgana come with Merlin and herself to Ealdor?

Merlin skidded into the physician's chambers, stopping in time to avoid crashing into the table, saving Gaius from having to replace the delicate glassware that bubbled atop the surface. He hadn't, however, stopped in time to miss the broom leaning on the table. It fell with a clatter, and Gaius jumped and turned around from his work, eyebrow raised.

"Hullo, Gaius." Merlin said, wincing at the noise, before picking up the naughty broom. Gaius sighed, and muttered.

"I suppose I should be used to it by now."

Merlin jogged up to his room, and began to gather up his things. He didn't really have much, but he already had more than he'd brought with him from his village, more clothes and papers, not to mention his spell book. He packed most of it, lastly ducking under his bed to pry up the loose floorboard that housed his magical paraphernalia. His spell book he buried deep in his bag, but he left the staff, simply because it would be too hard to conceal with Gwen and Morgana there. He'd come back for it someday, he supposed.

Floor board replaced, Merlin straightened up and took one last look around at the room that had been his; clean and empty now. He frowned. He wasn't sure of what it was that he was feeling, about leaving. He did want to be with his mother again, to be able to protect her, especially now with all he'd learned from Gaius and the spell book. But...

Merlin turned, and peered out the high window at the town below, and then towards the sky. He'd done much the same on his first day here. There was a pang of loss in his heart. He did love this city, the people, the busyness of the town, the comings and goings of all sorts. He'd miss the castle, and the people in it: Gwen, Morgana, Gaius...and Arthur as well. He didn't want to leave any of them. The dragon had said he had a destiny to protect Arthur, to help him take his place as king. But, surely, he was allowed to take care of his mother too? He couldn't be expected to look after Arthur at the expense of his own family. That was a price he would not pay!

Merlin turned from the window, shutting it firmly. His mother came first, she always would.

He descended the stairwell for the last time, and found Gaius packing a few things.

"Here," He held out the package to Merlin. "Food for the journey, and I'll get you a bottle of wine, I think. Let me see..." Gaius trailed off, turning back to the supply cupboards.

"Thank you, Gaius." Merlin said, placing the items in his pack.

"Do you want another blanket?" Gaius continued from across the room.

"No, I'll be fine." Merlin said, adjusting the pack so it would fit comfortably.

"You've got the food I prepared you." Gaius asked, coming over with the wine.

"Yes." Merlin said, as Gaius came up beside him, handing him the bottle.

"Be careful with the wine. You know what you're like. One whiff of a barmaid's apron, and you're singing like a sailor." Merlin winced inwardly at the embarrassing memory...or, less than a memory, really, as he didn't exactly recall much from that night.

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure you don't want another blanket?"

Merlin sighed. He'd gone on longer trips with Arthur, with much less supplies, in even colder weather. He didn't know what the old man was worried about this time.

"It's okay, really. I'll be alright." He would be. Gaius watched him, as he swung the now full and heavy pack onto his shoulders.

"Well, make sure that you are." Gaius said, then suddenly solemn. "Do whatever it takes."

Merlin nodded, unsure what he meant. The moment seemed significant though. Then the tone changed, and Merlin realized that this was it. He was leaving Camelot, leaving Gaius; the man who had grown to be like a father to him. Suddenly, he felt a bit choked, and he opted to pat Gaius on the shoulder. He didn't trust his voice. He hoped it would convey what he needed it to.

Apparently it wasn't enough for Gaius, for as Merlin turned, he opened his arms and enveloped him in an embrace. Merlin smiled, patting the physician's back a bit, before they drew apart. He met Gaius' eyes, hoping Gaius understood the parting words in them, things like _thank you_, and _I love you_. From the answering look, Merlin guessed he did.

Then, looking around the place for the last time, he picked up the sack of armour and the sword, and left.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

* * *

><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

* * *

><p>Hunith led Latha to the royal stables on the upper level of the city, as Merlin had told her to. She tied the mare to a post, and stood beside her a bit nervously, petting the brown flank as she waited for someone to come. She expected Merlin to come barrelling in, bags flying behind him, or the Lady Morgana and sweet Gwen to enter, since they were apparently coming with them. She made a note to have words with her son about that.<p>

Who she did not expect to see was Prince Arthur, uncertainly looking around the stables. It was an odd expression on his princely face. He caught her eye, and came over.

"Prince Arthur," Hunith nodded respectfully in greeting. He waved away her address.

"Please, just Arthur." He said, then smiled. "Though, your son, I have to say, favours _prat_."

She gasped. "No!"

"Oh, yes," He laughed, and she smiled as well. That did sound like her Merlin. She renewed her pledge to have words with her son, many words. Arthur quieted, and met her eyes. "He's quite a special person, Merlin."

Hunith nodded, he fingers fiddling with Latha's bridle. "I know."

Arthur raised his jaw, clearing his throat, before reaching over to stroke the horse's velvety nose.

"Morgana and Gwen are coming with you. Morgana can fight, and Gwen, her maid, was the daughter of a blacksmith. They both will help as much as they can."

Hunith nodded in gratitude. "Merlin told me, in passing. He was running up the stairs at the time."

Arthur smiled, a knowing look in his eyes. Hunith blinked, and looked closer, seeing his discomfort, his sadness. Internally she laughed a little in disbelief. Her Merlin had made a friend of a royal prince, who, judging by his mood now, would be sad to see him go.

"And, are you coming as well, Arthur?" She asked. He blinked at her.

"Me?" Arthur said, surprised. Then he shook his head. "I won't be coming."

Hunith watched him, her mother's instincts coming out. She stepped closer, and laid a gentle hand on his arm.

"Just know, that if you did decide to come, we would all welcome you. Merlin included." Hunith gave him a pat, and then stepped back, propriety returning. "And thank you, for the help you given already."

Arthur nodded, looking at her with a small smile. "Good luck." He said, before taking his leave. Hunith stood in the stables for a few minutes longer, before the rest of her party arrived.

Gwen appeared first, leading two pretty mares. Morgana walked beside the horses, a hand resting on the flank of the lead. They saw her and smiled in greeting. At that moment, Merlin flew in, causing the horses to snort in surprise.

"Sorry, sorry." Merlin said, rushing to a stall and beginning to pull out tack, presumably to saddle a horse for himself. Gwen and Morgana grinned at each other, and then turned to her.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long?" Morgana said. Hunith smiled and shook her head.

"Not at all," Hunith's smile widened. "I had some company."

"Oh?" Morgana raised an eyebrow.

"Prince Arthur was here until a moment ago." Hunith said.

"Really?" Gwen said, looking surprised. Morgana was less so.

"Yes," Hunith nodded. "He looked troubled."

Morgana nodded, glancing over to where Merlin was struggling with the girth strap.

"I told him he should come with us, but he seems to be under the impression that Merlin wouldn't want him to. That Merlin intends to stay permanently with you in Ealdor." Morgana gave her an unreadable look, almost accusing, though Hunith's eyes widened in surprise.

"He does? Why?"

Gwen's eyes had also widened, and she looked between Merlin, and the two women next to her.

"Why would he do that? I-, I mean..." She broke off, blushing as she looked at Hunith. "Not that he'd not want to, or that I, err, we, I mean..."

"I'm sure Merlin wants to do what is best for you, Hunith." Morgana broke in, earning a grateful smile from Gwen. "But, we would miss him so."

Hunith shook her head, exasperation at her son coming through as she looked at him.

"I don't think Merlin should stay in Ealdor. There were reasons why he left, and I think life is better for him here, than it ever was there." Hunith murmured.

Morgana looked at her earnestly. "Then you'll help us convince him to stay?"

Hunith nodded, though inside a large part of her wailed, for she did long to have her son nearby again. How perfect would her life be if she woke to Merlin's smiling face each morning as she had for nineteen years? But, most of all, she wanted what was best for Merlin. And that wasn't staying in the village.

The boy in question came up to their huddle, leading a saddled and packed horse.

"Are we all ready?" Merlin asked, looking between the three women. They nodded, and all four mounted, Merlin leading the way out of the city.

* * *

><p>Arthur leaned out over the battlements, much as he had when Merlin had found him earlier, and as before, his emotions swirled uncomfortably. He was watching as Merlin, Morgana, Gwen and Hunith rode out of the royal stables and disappeared into the lower town. He sighed angrily, annoyance flaring up at himself. It wasn't as if Merlin had died. He was going home. He couldn't be a manservant forever.<p>

It was just...Arthur had somehow come to the idea that Merlin would always be there. But now he was leaving, and there was no idiotic servant to come distract him from his thoughts, nor would there be again.

Arthur shook his head in exasperation.

He found himself at a loss of what to do. Morgana's words, and Hunith's repeated in his brain, and he drifted over to the stables, not really knowing why. They were slightly emptier than normal, missing three horses. Merlin had taken the one he normally rode on their patrols, a gentle brown gelding. Arthur assumed that he meant to send it back with Morgana and Gwen afterwards.

He rubbed his own horse's nose, a lighter brown stallion. The horse nibbled his coat, searching for a treat, and nickered when Arthur pushed him away with a smile.

"Sorry, boy. I don't have anything for you." The horse snorted, flicking an ear. Arthur scratched his forehead; right in the place he liked the most. The horse neighed happily. Arthur smiled, giving him another pat, before turning to leave.

Arthur then realized he had never had a bath. Merlin had gotten them all so distracted that morning that it had completely slipped his mind. He turned away from the view, and headed to his chambers. He caught a servant on the way (unknown, unnamed, and subservient, and when had that become a bad thing?) and told him to have someone prepare a bath in his chambers.

When he arrived, there was someone already there, warming the water by the fire. Arthur paced his room while he waited; listening to the near silent preparations of the bath by another unknown servant. The quiet grated on his nerves more than Merlin's chatting ever had.

He sighed then, and turned his mind to other things. Arthur had interrupted his father that morning with the meeting with Hunith (he'd have to thank his father for hearing her, Arthur remembered, and he reflected over the content of the meetings, boring as they were.

Then the bath was ready, and he let the steam chase away his churning thoughts.

Later that afternoon, Arthur's father caught him. "Arthur, have you seen Morgana?" Uther asked, and Arthur suddenly remembered his promise to cover for the girls. Inwardly he winced, and tried to construct a believable story on the spot.

"Uh, they went for a ride. She and Gwen. To clear their heads." Arthur said, trying to sound as firm as possible. Uther looked thoughtful.

"Was something the matter?" Uther asked. Arthur felt a jolt of anger inside as he realized that Uther had no idea the effects of his refusal that morning. Merlin's entire life had been turned upside down, and his father had no idea.

"No, nothing." Arthur said.

"They took a guard with them?" His father then asked, turning away. Arthur nodded.

"I believe so, yes." _If Merlin could count as a guard._

Uther nodded, and strode off, leaving Arthur with a sick feeling in his stomach.

The rest of the day passed as normal, but evening found him pacing his chambers. He no longer deny it, he was worried for the others. They were headed off to face a band of raiders, with only two women and _Mer_lin for an army. The thought made Arthur frown. Why did he let them go without him, what was he thinking? Had he really let his hurt feelings almost kill the three of them? For he had to admit that Merlin's leaving had hurt.

Arthur exhaled heavily, before we moved to his wardrobe, and grabbed a bag.

Arthur stuffed an extra shirt into the pack, looking around the more-messy-than-usual room. He hadn't allowed another servant in to clean yet, and Arthur had spread items around the room attempting to find everything he needed.

He huffed a breath. Merlin wasn't as useless as he always told him. Arthur knew Merlin could have a bag packed in half the time it had taken him, both Arthur's and his own. But that was the reason he was packing in the first place.

He was going to catch up to them, and help Merlin defend his village. His stomach had been churning about letting the four of them go off without him, no matter how confused his emotions were. He'd lied to his father, saying that Morgana and Gwen had gone off on a ride that morning, which was true, and that they'd taken some guards with them, of course, Father. That part was a lie. At least, it would be until he caught them up. Merlin didn't count as a guard.

Arthur adjusted his armour, still on from training, and grabbed his pack and his sword. Then as a last thought he grabbed an apple leftover from lunch. His horse deserved a treat.

* * *

><p>They travelled for most of the day, Merlin riding ahead while the women chatted amicably behind him. Their laughter reached Merlin's ears, and he grimaced. He wasn't used to feeling so outnumbered, and he had a feeling that his mother was telling stories. His neck had been burning for a while now.<p>

Once the light started to dim, Merlin called a halt, and began to gather wood for a fire, while his mother explored the pack of food Gaius had sent, combining them with the supplies Gwen had gathered. Their fire was warm and merry, and the food was light but filling. There were more stories around the campfire, but these were of a kind that Merlin could laugh at as well, remembering the happy times in his childhood, and Hunith's past. Gwen and Morgana told stories as well, and Merlin almost fell over laughing at the trouble Morgana and Arthur had gotten into when they were young. Gwen's stories were sweet, speaking of her father. Merlin learned she had a brother, Elyan, who was travelling. Merlin also got to hear some of his mother's stories, ones he'd never heard before. Hunith told of living in Camelot, and working under Gaius. Merlin smiled to hear of the life she'd had, and she even dared to mention magic as a day to day occurrence. It seemed to have been a wonderful time.

As the fire died down, and the younger women began to yawn, the stories dropped off. Gwen and Morgana laid out their bedrolls, falling asleep quickly, while Hunith sat beside Merlin. He picked up the stick to stir the fire, and began to poke at the coals.

Hunith smiled at her son.

"They are lovely people." She said, whispering. Merlin glanced at her with a soft smile. "You're lucky to have found them."

Merlin nodded. "I know."

Silence fell for a moment. Then Hunith sighed.

"They shouldn't be here. Especially the Lady Morgana. Isn't she the king's ward?" Hunith murmured. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Not that you'd know it," he said, glancing back at the lady in question. Still asleep. He turned back to his mother with a smile. "She's the only person I know who isn't frightened of him."

Hunith looked worried, and didn't return his smile.

"It won't make any difference to Kanen that they're women."

Merlin's smile faded. "I know. But I couldn't talk them out of it."

Hunith frowned further and glanced over at the others. The movement threw her face in to the firelight, and Merlin could clearly see the fading bruise on her face. He frowned, reaching out to gently touch her cheek. Anger rose up again, at this Kanen.

"I'm going to make him pay for what he did to you." Merlin said, voice tight. Hunith's brow furrowed more in alarm, and she leaned in closer, her voice so quiet Merlin could barely hear it.

"Promise me you'll be careful." Her eyes bore into his. "No one can find out about you."

Merlin looked at her intently. "They won't." He said, thinking back to all those times he'd managed to keep his magic a secret. "They never do."

Hunith smiled sadly, and then leaned up to kiss his forehead. She sat back, and Merlin met her eyes, and gave her a slight nod. A promise.

"Get some rest." She said, and Merlin nodded again, as she got up. Her hand rested on his head for a moment, seemingly having to resist the urge to ruffle his black hair, as she'd done when he was younger and shorter. Two strokes and the motherly touch was gone, and Hunith lay down on her bedroll.

Merlin sighed, resting his chin on his knees. Hide, never tell, keep it a secret. He was tired of it all. He missed those days of helping his mother with her chores in their small village house, showing off for Will in the words. At least for those two people, he could be himself. Smiling, he reached down, and picked up the stick, lying in the fire. The top was red hot with coals by now, and he could feel the heat of it on his lips He blew on it gently, and sparks flew out in a cloud. He caught them with magic, holding them in place for a split second, then breathed a spell.

"_Draca_," The sparks rearranged themselves, making the shape of a dragon, sitting in the air, peering at him. He smiled, breathing out and letting the glowing shape wink out and fall to the ground as bits of ash.

Later, Merlin turned one more time on his bedroll, trying to convince himself that after this last adjustment, he'd finally be comfortable enough to sleep. He tried not to think of his little bed in Camelot, and how he'd better get used to sleeping on the ground again. He also tried not to think of other things left behind in Camelot, and how much he wished Arthur were there with them. Perhaps if Arthur were there, the pit of nerves in his stomach about facing this man Kanen tomorrow would be lessened. Arthur would help.

But he wasn't here, so there was no point in wishing he were.

Merlin also didn't think of past tomorrow, where he'd have to go back to helping farm, and running around with Will, and patching the roof when it got leaky, and seeing all the same people, day after day. It would be as if he never left, never learned all those things, never met all those people. Arthur would have to find a new manservant, and Gaius a new assistant. The Dragon would have to find a new destiny fulfiller, for he was leaving Arthur behind. Who would protect him, help him? Help him survive; help him not be such a prat.

Merlin took a deep breath, twisting over again. But he wasn't thinking about all that was he?

Suddenly, a sound came to his ears, and he jerked his head to the right. It sounded like a horse galloping, and coming closer. Merlin swallowed, remembering that he was the man of the group. It was his job to protect them.

He tugged his blanket off, and fumbled to get up, pulling out his sword. Merlin held it awkwardly, though he hoped that whoever approached would not be able to tell that, as he crept away from the camp to investigate. He nervously looked around, not knowing if the noises he was hearing were people coming closer or just noises from animals. He gulped and tried to slow his breathing, still glancing from side to side, until suddenly he felt the tip of something press into his upper back. He froze, knowing what the tip of a sword felt like from the trainings with Arthur. Ice churned in his stomach as he raced through thoughts of bandits, and if he could use his magic to protect the others without them finding out. His magic, responding to the danger, began to build inside of him. Then an impossibly familiar voice came from behind him.

"I'd ask you for money, but I know you don't have any."

"Arthur!"

Forgetting he held a sword he swung around, forcing Arthur to duck as he nearly took his head off. Merlin winced, and then smiled as Arthur straightened. He was here!

Arthur scowled at him, and grabbed the sword from his grasp as he passed him.

"Put the sword down, Merlin, you look ridiculous." Merlin couldn't say he wasn't glad to let him have it. He couldn't stop grinning. Arthur passed him, and Merlin jogged to catch him up.

"You're here!" Merlin exclaimed, still smiling. Arthur glanced at him.

"You've always had a talent, Merlin, for stating the obvious." But a smile tugged at the corner of Arthur's mouth too. Merlin turned fully to him as they entered the campsite again.

"Why'd you come?"

Arthur ducked past him, grabbing one of the logs from his previously gathered stack, and stoking the fire up. "Well, someone has to look after your useless backside. Besides," Arthur cleared his throat, "I couldn't let you face them alone."

The fire leapt up larger at Arthur's ministrations, and that is what Merlin blamed for the sudden stinging in his eyes as he sat next to the prince, where his mother had sat hours ago. He met Arthur's eyes with a smile, but said nothing, and a comfortable silence fell for a moment. Merlin rubbed his hands together, eying Arthur's fur lined gloves enviously.

"How much further is it?" Arthur said suddenly, gesturing with the stick he held, the one Merlin had use to conjure the dragon earlier.

"Err, maybe a few hours." Arthur nodded slightly, eyes on the flames

"And how many men does Kanen have?"

Merlin cast his mind back to his mother's description of the raiders. "Erm, from what my mother said, perhaps as many as forty." Merlin saw battle strategies and plans in Arthur's eyes, and he tapped the stick against the air in thought.

"You should get some rest," He then said, turning back to Merlin. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow." He poked the fire again, while Merlin sat by him.

"Thank you," Merlin said quickly. "I know you didn't have to come." Arthur looked down at the ground, and then stood.

"Get some sleep." He said shortly, picking up his bag and crossing in front of him. The edge of Arthur's bedroll accidentally-on purpose clipped Merlin around the head, and Merlin grinned. Merlin watched Arthur go position himself at the edge of their camp, standing guard. He breathed out quickly in something that was almost a laugh, before doing as Arthur said and lying back down. This time, he fell asleep quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks. **Sorry I'm so late! The Christmas holidays have been extraordinarily busy! I got an art job, which has taken up all my spare time, plus I haven't had a computer of my own for some time...it makes writing difficult. As a reward however, here's two chapters! **

* * *

><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

* * *

><p>"Arthur!" Morgana's exclamation woke Merlin from his rest, and apparently Arthur too from where he sat dozing against a tree. He jumped to his feet, already looking wildly around for his attacker, hand on his hilt. Merlin smirked, closing his eyes and snuggled deeper into his blankets. "What are you doing here?" Morgana continued, while Arthur slowed his breathing. "Merlin, Arthur's here!"<p>

"Mmhh..." Merlin murmured, still not opening his eyes. Morgana huffed in exasperation.

"Well, aren't you going to get up?"

"Why should I?" Merlin, still not very awake, was however aware enough to realize he was infuriating her; she probably hoped they'd jump up and give each other a hug.

"But, he- Argh, Arthur!"

"What?" Arthur sounded asleep again, probably having sat back to try to catch a few extra moments of sleep. Morgana pouted, and stomped off. Merlin smiled into his blankets, body relaxing again.

At least until a trickle of water splashed his cheek and ran into his ear.

"Ah, ah, ah!" He huffed, sitting up and shaking the icy liquid out of his ear. He glared balefully up at Arthur, for who else could it be?

"She's right, though, Merlin. It is time to get up." He grinned down at Merlin, and Merlin smiled tightly back.

"Of course."

He heard laughing, and turned to see Gwen and his mother giggling behind their hands at his predicament. He laughed as well, giving his head an extra shake for their amusement.

They packed up camp fairly quickly, and set out after a light breakfast. The sun was still low in the sky; it was early yet, on the day the raiders were due to return. Merlin felt the tension from last night coil into his stomach, tightening with each hour. Merlin hoped against hope that they made it to Ealdor before the ruffians did, though as time passed, he found that hope dimming. He wished they'd gone further last night, or started earlier.

It was mid-morning, about four or five hours since they had set off, that Merlin recognized the landmarks around them, and with a start realized they were within ten minutes.

"We're very close." He announced, looking towards the road ahead. "Ten minutes, at most."

Arthur nodded in acknowledgment from atop his horse. Then a moment later, Arthur stiffened, and his horse pricked his ears forwards. Arthur stared forwards, a new frown on his face.

"What is it?" Merlin whispered, kicking his horse level with Arthur's. Arthur's next words made Merlin pale.

"Screams,"

Then Merlin heard them too, in the distance. They were too late!

Merlin kicked his horse into a gallop, and Arthur was moments behind.

Matthew had risen before the dawn, and had been pacing all morning. The raiders were due back today, and this time Matthew held no ideals that they'd be fair about anything. He glanced towards the pigpens, underneath which were wheat kernels, enough to plant for next year. It was all he dared hide, and it wouldn't even be enough. He hoped other families in the village managed to save some things for themselves as well. He bit his lip. If they hadn't, there truly wouldn't be enough to live, for anyone.

His silence was broken by the boy Will, stepping up beside him. Matthew did not look at him, instead staring out into the fields.

"Did you manage to hide any food?" Matthew asked quietly. Will shrugged.

"Some," He said, "Not that it makes any difference. They'll find it anyway." Matthew rolled his shoulders, as if letting Will's words run down his back.

"We can only hope they won't." He said, and Will laughed bitterly.

"You know my views on hope, Matthew." Will turned to walk away. "It didn't work two years ago, and it won't work now."

Will paused then, as horses broke from the woods surrounding the town, and screams broke out. The raiders were here.

"Here they come." Will murmured, his voice slightly accusing, before he ran off.

The raiders treated the village the same as the last time, roughly tearing everything to pieces, pulling people out of their homes while they stole everything that would allow them to live.

Some bandits found Matthew were he stood, and he was dragged out to speak with their leader Kanen again.

Kanen didn't turn around before speaking.

"If you're hiding anything from me..." He warned in a harsh voice. He didn't need to finish.

Matthew looked around nervously, seeing bags of food being pulled out of homes, people kneeling in submission. His eyes flickered to the pig pen, where a man dug through the straw. He prayed he wouldn't find their stores.

"Kanen!" The same man bellowed in excitement, and Matthew's heart sunk. He closed his eyes in despair, already seeing the lines of bodies that would come this winter.

Kanen slowly turned, an overly shocked look on his face. Matthew tried to reason with him, one last time.

"Please, please we have to eat. And re-sow the fields for next year." Matthew took a step forwards, begging for his village. "We only kept the bare minimum! Everything else, you can take." Kanen was right in his face now, still holding that look of innocent surprise. He then pulled back, and considered for a moment.

"That sounds fair." He said, and Matthew nodded encouragingly, even as his heart told him that it couldn't be that easy. A moment later, he was proved right as Kanen's fist sunk into his stomach. Matthew bent over, gasping. Kanen then kneed his shoulder, sending him to the ground. Matthew, looking upwards in pain, saw the axe head rise, and he cried out in fear, raising his hands to cover his face, not that it would do much good.

Suddenly, Kanen jerked, and it wasn't to bring down the axe. The raider jumped back as a knife embedded itself in the fence beside Kanen's chest.

Both Kanen and Matthew looked at it in astonishment, and then turned to see where it had come from.

Riders were falling upon the town, riders bearing weapons. The lead horseman leaped off his horse, his long sword already drawn, swiftly engaging the raiders in battle. Four other horses rode up, and Matthew recognized Hunith in the rear, and...was that Merlin? She'd returned from Camelot, then, and returned with help!

Merlin dismounted quickly, already seeing Arthur fighting with the raiders. He dispatched the man he was fighting with as quickly as ever, and moved on to the next. Merlin lost sight of him them. He heard someone order, "Kill them!"

Merlin turned, and saw a large man coming towards him. For a split second he drew his magic forward inside him, then he remembered. His sword! He drew the blade slowly, turning to face his opponent. He blocked the first few blows, the technique behind them not much different that Arthur's training practice, even if the power behind was stronger. This man was aiming to kill. After a few paces back, Merlin returned a blow, and they began to fight in earnest.

There was more fighting picking up around him, as the villagers took courage from these people come to fight for them. A small boy, Matthias son of Matthew, ran to pick up the dropped bags of grain, and hide them somewhere safe. Gwen and Morgana threw themselves into the fight as well.

Merlin's fight with Large Man picked up, and he began to feel that this wasn't all that bad. He did have some reflexes, he realized. It seemed those practice sessions with Arthur were not simply to torture him.

Then the balance changed, and Large Man pushed him, until he was backed into a wall, the sword crossed in front of him the only thing stopping his head from being separated from his shoulders. Well, he had more than fledgling sword fighting skills.

Merlin focused on the sword handle, and whispered "_Hætende,__"_

The man's sword glowed slightly as the metal heated. He gasped and stepped back, leaving Merlin the opening to slice into his gut. He fell, and Merlin stepped away quickly. He looked down at his sword, and the gore on it. He'd think about that later. Glancing over, he saw Arthur cut down a masked man, and turn to fight a new man a moment later. However, before he could even raise his sword to block the blow, a small figure stepped in between them, and took the strike. To Merlin's eternal amusement, Morgana expertly defended against the man's sword, and then defeated him a moment later.

She grinned, dancing away, but not before calling out to Arthur.

"Bring back memories of when I used to beat you?"

Arthur gave her a look he usually reserved for Merlin when he was being his most idiotic.

"That never happened."

By this point, Merlin could see the raiders did not like their new odds. Kanen had remounted his horse, and yelled out for his men. Then he addressed the village.

"You'll pay for this with your lives! All of you!"

He rode away, and his men followed. Merlin looked around, locating his friends, when someone to the side of him spoke.

"Still up to those same old magic tricks again?" The other boy said, and Merlin walked closer, knowing his part. "Look I thought I told you I didn't want your kind around here?"

Will couldn't keep his scowl though, and his face broke into a grin, which Merlin returned.

"Missed you too, Will." They both laughed, and Will pulled him into an embrace.

"It's good to see you again!" Merlin said as they pulled apart, and Will smiled broader.

"How've you been?" He asked, "I hear you're skiving for some prince." Merlin's smile faded into an exaggerated frown.

"No, I wouldn't say I'm skiving." He protested. At that moment, Arthur called him, negating his statement.

"Merlin! Gather the villagers; I need to talk to them." Merlin sighed, calling back.

"Yeah, in a minute. I'm just talking-"

"Now, Merlin. There isn't much time." Arthur did sound stressed, so Merlin gave up. Yeah, he did skivvy a bit.

"Yes, sire." Merlin turned and pursed his lips, looking apologetically to Will, before running off to do Arthur's bidding.

*~*~*~*  
>Once everyone stood gathered, Arthur looked at the village where his manservant-and friend- had grown up. These were the people who had reared him, and perhaps some of what made him such a unique person came from these surroundings. He stepped up onto a mound of earth at the foot of the well, until he could see everyone.<p>

He was a prince, born to lead, to make speeches until all and sundry cheered. These people, though not of his country, and unknown to him, were looking to him. The thought strengthened his heart.

"I know Kanen's kind. He'll be back, and when he is," He met the eyes of a few of the men in the front row, and their determined faces stayed with him as he continued. "You must be ready for him." Arthur began outlining a sketchy strategy for the villagers. "First of all, we have to prepare for-"

A voice near the front broke in. "Am I the only one wondering who the hell this is?"

Arthur paused, taken aback at the open hostility in the man's voice. He was young, his own or Merlin's age at the least, and his face was twisted into a sneer of dislike. But, never let it be said that Arthur could not be courteous.

"I'm Prince Arthur of Camelot." He introduced himself, realizing that perhaps he should have done that from the start. The man scoffed.

"Yeah, and I'm Prince William of Ealdor." Arthur frowned at William, and beside him Merlin shifted uncomfortably. Hunith had no qualms about speaking up. Probably where her son gets it from.

"Keep quiet," She snapped. "He's here to help us." William turned on her, and Arthur frowned deeper.

"But he'd made things worse! Kanen will be back, and when he is," William turned back to Arthur, glaring. "He'll be looking for revenge. You've just signed our death warrants."

"He saved Matthew's life!" Hunith shouted, and Arthur took an instant disliking to the man. Hunith was as Arthur liked to imagine his mother to have been. Arthur didn't think he'd want to know a man who could so anger her.

"That's alright, Hunith." He said, raising a hand, preferring to deal with this man William himself. Also, Arthur could not contest that he made a valid point. "This is his village. What would you have us do?" Arthur addressed William, not able to keep the slight challenging tone out of his voice.

William looked startled, as if he couldn't imagine Arthur asking for his opinion. He obviously hadn't thought further than simply disagreeing but he made a valiant effort.

"We can't fight against Kanen. He has too many men." Pleased that William had at least made an effort, Arthur slipped into his lecturing knight's tone.

"So what's the alternative?" He asked. William shook his head.

"We give him what he wants." Arthur felt slightly disappointed.

"Then what?" He asked sharply. "Those of you who don't starve to death," He paused slightly, looking around at the faces, young and old. "Will face him again next harvest. And the harvest after that."

Arthur saw the villagers believed him. They looked around discomfited. William, however, did not back down.

"We'll manage. We'll survive."

But his village had turned against him. Murmurs of denial, and incredulity rose up, and Arthur raised his voice slightly to overpower them.

"The only way he can be stopped is if you stand up to him." He said, making eye contact with William, and raising an eyebrow. It was the same tone he'd use for young, discouraged knights. He used it now, hoping to give the young man the courage to fight with them.

William wasn't moved.

"No, you just want the glory and honour of battle," William sneered, and Arthur suddenly realized that there was more going on than fear of fighting. "That's what drives men like you! Look, if you want to fight then go home and risk the lives of your own people, not ours."

Arthur did not react as William turned to go and stormed off, but Merlin stepped away from Arthur's side, following the other boy.

"Will."

Arthur watched him go, frowning in the awkward silence that followed Will's departure. Then, Hunith spoke up.

"I'll follow you," She said. "If I'm to die, then I want to go out fighting." Her voice was hard, determined, and Arthur's respect for her ratcheted up.

Another man spoke, the one who Kanen had be threatening with an axe earlier. "That goes for me too." Then a chorus of agreements came from the rest of the crowd. Arthur nodded as the voices died down, leaving a sense of unity and conviction.

"Thank you." He said. Arthur remembered the plans and strategies that he'd been about to mention, before Will's words-and suddenly felt exhausted. By the looks on the faces of the others, everyone could use a break. He reminded himself that these people, though used to hard work and long days, weren't accustomed to life and death situations and the stress of fighting for your life. Arthur would talk to them once they'd had some rest.

He stepped down, the people dispersed. Hunith approached him, smiling at him.

"The people will follow you, my lord." Arthur smiled.

"Hunith, I've told you to call me Arthur." She nodded, giving him an almost proud look.

"You did well." She said, and Arthur was inordinately touched.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Will stormed away from the impromptu meeting the prince had called, kicking clumps of grass as he went. The village was in tatters after the raiders left, and Will entered his father's home to find the benches turned up, and dishes and clothes thrown all about. He stooped to right a bench, his teeth clenched. That pompous royal had just stormed in here, taking over, and expecting everyone to bow down and follow him. It set Will's teeth on edge.<p>

But what was worse, his friend Merlin, who'd always stood up for what he believed in, just followed around after him like a puppy. Where was the Merlin who'd stood up to the bullies when they were younger, and smaller than all the other boys? This Merlin bowed to a prince that wasn't even his own. Will hated it. He hated Prince Arthur for changing his friend.

The door sounded behind him, and the man himself strode in. He spoke without preamble.

"He knows what he's doing. You've got to trust him." Merlin sounded so bloody sure, like a prince would keep his word. Will gave him a look that said as much, before he chased a chicken off the table-she'd probably been fleeing the battle raging outside. Merlin sighed, and moved further inside.

"Look, when I first met Arthur, I was just like you." Merlin said stooping to right the bench, as Will carefully stood up the stand that held his father's chain mail, "I hated him. Thought he was pompous and arrogant."

Will adjusting the mail and hauberk, interjected, "Well, nothing's changed there then."

"But, in time, I came to respect him for what he stands for, what he does."

Will didn't turn around, even though he could imagine Merlin's earnest face.

"Yeah, I know what he stands for: princes, kings, all men like him."

There was silence, and Will reached out to fix the tunic once more. It just wouldn't hang right...

"Will," Merlin started, and Will heard the seriousness in Merlin's tone. "Don't bring what happened with your father into this."

Anger flared up, because there was still so much they didn't say about that time. So much they hadn't had a chance to say, because Merlin had to go and leave, and come back a different person. He turned around before he realized, enraged eyes meeting Merlin's.

"I'm not!" Merlin gave him a slight nod, looking down. He remembered that time too; Will knew he could feel the unsaid words hanging above them. But this new Merlin didn't say them. He just falls over himself for some stuck up prince, licking his boots, and doing what he ordered. It made Will see red.

"Why are you defending him so much? You're just his servant."

Merlin straightened up. "He's also my friend." He protested. Will nearly laughed.

"Friends don't lord it over one another." Friends have each other's backs, friends don't leave...

"He isn't like that." Merlin shook his head. Will was smiling bitterly, remembering a father saying the same thing.

"Really?" Will countered. "Well, let's wait until the fighting begins and see who he sends in to die first. I guarantee you it won't be him." _Just like my father. Come on Merlin, wake up and remember. I've seen this before. _

"I trust Arthur with my life." Said Merlin, so earnestly that Will was taken aback.

"Is that so? So he knows your secret then?" Will asked, trying not to feel hurt. Trying not to feel that, if that was true, then he'd been replaced as best friend, cause Merlin hadn't even _told_ him. But, Merlin's face told him the truth. Arthur didn't know about Merlin's magic. Will felt a twinge of satisfaction.

"Look, face it Merlin. You're living a lie, just like you were here." Merlin's face shuttered and he turned away. Will persisted, wanting Merlin to realize that nothing had changed, his life hadn't gotten better for going away to Camelot, that he was still in the same situation as he'd been here, or worse. Ealdor didn't execute sorcerers, even if they didn't like them. Arthur wasn't Merlin's friend, he couldn't be. He was royal, and royals didn't make friends with commoners. "You're Arthur's servant, nothing more. Otherwise you'd tell him the truth."

Merlin looked at him then, and Will could tell he'd gotten through to him, at least a little. Will shook his head, turning back to cleaning his home. Merlin helped without a word, and Will could tell he was thinking. He knew him, after all. He'd come around, he always did. They got everything straightened up, and Merlin turned towards the door. Will stopped him with a hand on the shoulder.

"Merlin?"

"Yeah?" Merlin said, turning back.

"I am glad you're back." He said, trying to apologize for upsetting him. Merlin gave him one of his easy smiles, nodding.

"Me too."

Dinner at Hunith's was a quiet affair, with what little there was shared around between them. A thin rabbit soup, courtesy of Arthur's provisions was supplemented by a few potatoes and carrots that had evaded the raiders sweep. Morgana and Gwen were in their element, helping cook and clean up, and chatting quietly with Hunith as if they'd been the best of friends for life. Merlin watched them nervously from across the room. He couldn't hear what they were saying, and it was like the horse ride again. Arthur was sitting next to him on the low bench, finishing his soup. Merlin caught his gaze, and there was laughter in his eyes. Merlin groaned.

"We're never going to get them away from here," He murmured, gesturing to the three women. Arthur smiled broadly, and nudged him.

"You should thank me for coming to save you being the only man on your journey." Arthur said. "Morgana's bad enough, when she gets going with Gwen. I can't imagine what three women have to giggle about all day." He glanced and Merlin, "No offense to your mother."

Merlin laughed. "Don't worry. She loves all the attention. And the chatting. On the way here, she was telling my baby stories."

Arthur slung an arm around him, his voice that same high pitched whinging it'd been when they met.

"And I _missed_ it!" He jostled Merlin until he almost dropped his own bowl. "You have to tell me about cute little baby Merlin! Come on!"

Merlin winced, trying to hide a smile. "Not a chance. Not unless you tell me about tiny Prince Arthur. Running around, probably being a right terror."

Arthur chortled, and dropped his arm. "Probably right. I chased away enough nursemaids."

Merlin put on a shocked look. "No! You?" Arthur cuffed him.

"We were talking about _your_ childhood, Merlin." Arthur said. Merlin rolled his eyes.

"You'd have to ask my mother, I'm sure she'd love to tell you all the horror stories."

"Oh, Merlin was an angel, wasn't he?" Morgana cooed, coming over, and taking both boys' empty bowls. "A blue eyed charmer from before he could talk." Merlin blushed a bit, standing to help with the dishes, but she waved him off. Morgana laughed about Arthur's scowl, and Merlin sat back down grinning. Hunith came closer, joining in.

"That he was. He still is." Hunith said with a smile, and Merlin laughed a bit, feeling awkward about being the centre of attention. "I should tell you about the time..."

"Mother..." Merlin most definitely whined. But he felt it was justified. Hunith simply laughed. "Alright then, another time." There were protests from the others, but Hunith stood, smiling serenely.

"I think it's time for us to get some rest." Arthur's face stilled, as he remembered his responsibilities to this village, and the preparations they'd start tomorrow.

"Hunith's right. It's a big day tomorrow."

They all helped clear up the rest of dinner, and then they laid out their bedrolls across the ground, Morgana and Gwen near to Hunith's bed, and across the fire pit, Arthur and Merlin lay down head to feet. The girls tittered for a few minutes, but seemed to drop off quickly. Merlin, however, was kept awake by Arthur's turns and twists. He was having trouble getting comfortable, it seemed. Probably thinking longingly of his big, soft bed, Merlin smirked in the dark.

Merlin's suspicious were confirmed, when Arthur, finally laying flat on his back, with his arms behind his head, spoke in a soft voice.

"Have you always slept on the floor?" Merlin was glad to hear honest curiosity in his tone; a few months ago, that sentence would have been dripping in condescension. Arthur _was_ different from other nobles, Merlin knew. No matter what Will said.

"Yeah," Merlin answered Arthur, trying to keep Will's words from his mind. "The bed I've got in Camelot's luxury by comparison."

"Must have been hard."

"Mm, like rock." Merlin said, deliberately misunderstanding.

"I didn't mean the ground," Arthur said, sounding impatient, "I meant, for you. It must have been difficult."

Merlin decided to stop giving Arthur a hard time for the moment, and for once in his life, answer honestly.

"Mm, not really," He said, adjusting his head on his pillow. "I didn't know any different. Life's simple out here" So simple, no danger, no magic, no destiny. "You eat what you grow, and everyone pitches in together. As long as you've got food on the table and a roof over your head, you're happy."

Merlin paused, remembering his terrible boredom, his restlessness, his own unhappiness. Not everyone was happy with enough to eat, and shelter from the elements. He sighed. Arthur had taken a moment to take it in, and now he responded.

"Sounds...nice." He murmured, trying not to be impolite, Merlin guessed. He smirked.

"You'd hate it." I did.

"No doubt." Came Arthur's quick answer. Then he asked the question that Merlin had hoped he wouldn't. The one with such a complicated answer. "Why'd you leave?"

Will found out, Mother got angry, and I was sent somewhere safer. Except it wasn't safer, not at all. He was meant for something more than being a farmer, and his life was purposeless before he got to Camelot, before he met Arthur. He settled for,

"Things just changed." But Arthur wouldn't leave it at that.

"How?"

Merlin stared at the ceiling, trying to find a way to express his feelings of that time, one that wouldn't expose his magic, of course. Arthur was getting impatient. He could feel him shifting.

"Come on, stop pretending to be interesting." Arthur said, and then a large princely bare foot came out of nowhere to jostle his face. He squawked in protest, batting it away. "Tell me."

Merlin huffed a little, shaking his head minutely. Arthur would be Arthur. Then he took a breath.

"I just didn't fit in anymore," He said, shrugging a little. "I wanted to find somewhere that I did."

"Had any luck?" Arthur asked, smile in his voice, and a part of Merlin frowned. He sounded so sure that he'd answer yes, Camelot, at your side, sire, of course. Will's words echoed in his head, saying things that perhaps were true about other royals, but weren't usually true of Arthur. But he still found himself giving a short answer, and not the one he knew Arthur expected to hear.

"Not sure yet."

Arthur shifted around, changing the subject. "We'll start training the men tomorrow. It's going to be a long day." He drew out the sentence in a tired groan and he turned on his side, facing away from Merlin. "Get the candle."

Merlin rolled onto his elbow to blow it out, and as he did so, he had the thought that he'd hurt Arthur's feelings. Not some pompous royal. _Arthur. _As if he'd deserved it. Merlin lay back down, frowning at himself.

He didn't sleep for some time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** Sorry! Christmas break, an insane but very productive art job, and a conspiracy of technology has kept me from this story for ages. What's sad is that it's completely finished, and it was only editing left, yet I still managed to procrastinate this story obscenely! But not to worry, I will get it up. Back to school now with less distractions, and a new computer on the way!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Hunith woke early to the sound of the rooster crowing, and she rose to begin preparing breakfast for the four young adults she'd found herself hosting. Once the porridge was bubbling away in the pot, she began getting ready for the day, hearing sounds of movement coming from behind the dividing curtains. One by one they emerged, tousle-headed, and bleary, accepting bowls of porridge from her. All awoke fully over breakfast, and they too started dressing and getting ready. The girls retreated behind one of the curtains, while Merlin helped Arthur with his coat. Hunith took a moment to watch her son's practiced hands smoothly pull Prince Arthur into a state of readiness. Even with his rough travel clothes, he looked every bit the Prince. Hunith turned back to the table, clearing up the bowls.<p>

"You still not learned to dress yourself?" Came Morgana's taunting voice towards Arthur, and Hunith smiled. She had once had a brother, and she remembered the teasing that had gone on. Anyone would think that the prince and the king's ward were actually siblings from the way they talked.

"You don't have a dog, and fetch the stick yourself." Arthur replied, "No offense, Merlin."

"None taken," Her son said.

Hunith meanwhile, had found a near full bowl in the place that Arthur had eaten. She bit her lip. From what it sounded like, they were to have a full day training the village men. Arthur would need his strength, even if the food wasn't exactly to his liking. She sighed, and then picked up the bowl.

"Prince Arthur, you didn't finish your breakfast," She said, handing him the bowl.

"Didn't I?" He said, his face lighting in what looked like genuine surprise. But she had a son, and she knew that innocent look. No matter, she gave him credit for trying not to offend her.

"Come on," Morgana interjected, looking challenging. Hunith remembered that Morgana had eaten all of her meal. "Eat up."

Hunith turned back to see Arthur lifting a spoonful to his mouth, face expressionless. She turned away to hide her smile, and heard him give an utterly unconvincing murmur of approval, before turning to go.

"Right, let's get going." He said, placing a hand on Merlin's shoulder, before heading out the door. "We need wood, lots of it."

"Of course," Merlin answered.

Hunith turned back as Morgana followed Arthur, and Gwen, the dear, was taking a bite of the porridge (though she also had finished her bowl) covering for Arthur. She came up beside her, and Gwen handed her the bowl.

"Arthur said it was lovely." Hunith took it with a nod, as Gwen left as well. She realized that this was the first time she'd been alone with her son since that night in the woods. Not that she was complaining. Merlin's friends were lovely, and just the sort of people she'd prayed he find in Camelot. But Hunith did miss her boy. She absently played with the spoon of Arthur's bowl, glancing up as Merlin prepared to go as well. She turned to watch where Arthur had gone.

"He must care for you a great deal." She said, as Merlin picked up his jacket. She expected Merlin to agree, or get embarrassed, like he had last night. But he answered her shortly.

"Arthur'd do the same for any village, that's just the way he is."

Hunith lowered the bowl, looking at Merlin in disbelief. "It's more than that! He's here for you."

But again Merlin denied it. "I'm just his servant."

"Give him more credit than that. He likes you." He wouldn't have looked so lost in the stables back at Camelot, when he thought you were leaving for good, if he didn't.

Merlin grabbed the axe from against the wall, and then turned around.

"That's because he doesn't know me." He said, "If he did, I'd probably be dead by now."

Hunith felt a chill. "You don't really believe that, do you?" She asked, shaking her head in denial. He looked at her, an I'm-trying-to-joke smile on his lips that slowly faded nonetheless. Hunith saw the seriousness in his eyes, before he turned to leave.

"I'll see you later, Mother." He said, going out the door, and leaving Hunith alone with her thoughts.

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><p>Did he believe what he'd told his mother? Merlin walked along towards the woods outside the village, Arthur's order to find wood driving his feet, while his mind was far away. He didn't think he'd have said those things back in Camelot. But, somehow, coming here had muddled him up. Was Arthur the friend he'd thought he was? He was a royal, and prince, and so much higher above Merlin's station in life, that being friends should have been laughable.<p>

But, it had seemed like they were, hadn't it? Yes, Arthur ordered him about, and made fun of him, and was a general prat, but it had never seemed like that much of an issue.

But now, now his mind was conjuring all the worst things Arthur had brought to his life, from the embarrassing (two days in the stocks) to the dangerous and deadly (poisoned cups came to mind). Not to mention, that if he ever found out about Merlin's magic, then his life was forfeit. There was no doubt about it.

And there it was. Will's words. If he was such a great friend, Merlin would trust him with his powers. And Merlin didn't. Did he?

"Merlin!" His thoughts were cut short by Will, running up behind him. Merlin turned to greet him, when Will's eyes focused on the axe in his hand. "Where you going with that thing?"

"What does it look like? We need wood." He turned, entering the trees.

Will gave a short laugh, putting his hands on his hips. "We both know you don't need an axe to fell a tree." Merlin smiled at the memory, and he turned, flinging his hands out.

"And I remember the trouble it got me into. I nearly flattened Old Man Simmons." Merlin still didn't know how he'd managed to explain himself out of that one. Will laughed again.

"Yeah, well, he deserved it. Stupid old crow." Will said. Merlin pretended to think.

"Mmm. He never did like me anyway."

"Well, even less after that."

Merlin laughed then, remembering. This was the Will he remembered. Before the magic. Before his father. Before Camelot. His smile faded, and he realized how different Will had been since he'd gotten here.

"Why are you being like this?" The question was out before he knew, but he realized it was just what he meant to ask. Will reacted immediately, striding forwards, but avoiding his gaze.

"You know why." He snapped, pointing sharply at him, while looking off into the undergrowth. Merlin watched him come closer, and then take a seat on a nearby log. Merlin sighed, and sat down beside him. He stared off towards the village, waiting for Will to get whatever was bothering him off his chest. Merlin had a sneaking suspicion he knew what it was.

"Why'd you leave?" Will then asked quietly, and Merlin's heart sank. He looked to the ground, then over at Will.

"It wasn't what I wanted." An almost truth. But Merlin had gotten very good at lying, even to his best friend. "My mother was worried. When she found out you knew, she was so angry."

Merlin shook his head.

"I wouldn't have told anyone." Will muttered.

"Well, I know you wouldn't." Merlin said, and he did. He really did know that part. That trust, that was what made him not afraid that Will knew in the first place. Then, he thought of Arthur, and what he wouldn't give to have that kind of trust with him. He blinked a little quicker, and looked at the ground again, not trusting himself to speak for a moment. He swallowed.

Will then looked at him closely. "You'd be able to defeat Kanen on your own, wouldn't you?"

Merlin still didn't look up, the change in conversation taking him by surprise. He shrugged a little.

"Not sure, maybe." Probably.

"Well, so what's stopping you? So what if Arthur finds out?" Will shot out, and Merlin felt a wave of annoyance. He stood.

"I don't expect you to understand." Will followed him up.

"Try me." He challenged, and Merlin whirled back around.

"One day, Arthur will be a great king, but he needs my help." The Great Dragon's words now rung in his head, along with all the things he had told himself when things got _so hard_. He had to believe it too, or what point was there in any of it? "And if anyone _ever_ found out about my powers, I'd have to leave Camelot for good!"

Will was looking at him incredulously. "Are you telling me that you'd rather keep your magic a secret for Arthur's sake," And he said Arthur with a particularly derivative twist, "Than to use it to protect your friends and family?"

Merlin sighed, pursing his lips. He turned, and stared out at the village buildings.

"I've got to get the wood." Merlin said finally, picking up the axe, and heading further into the forest. Will huffed angrily, and left without a word.

Merlin fumed, but he took out his anger on the trees he chopped, so by the time he was trekking back into the square, carrying an armload of sticks the men could use for practice, he was much calmer.

"Ah, Merlin. There you are." Arthur said, as he approached. All the able-bodied men in the village were lined up behind the prince (save Will, Merlin noticed) and watched as he came closer. They were eying the long staff-like sticks in his arms with grins on their faces, he noticed, and he wondered when he'd become so familiar with martial training that he smiled knowingly at their enthusiasm. Just wait, my friends.

Arthur grabbed a staff from his pile, and motioned for the rest to come take some as well. Merlin held onto one himself, half expecting Arthur to send him into the men's ranks to learn with them.

"Should I, err, go over there with the men?" Merlin asked Arthur, gripping the staff. Arthur gave him an unreadable look.

"Actually Merlin," And here, Arthur looked the sort of uncomfortable he got when doing something his father really wouldn't like. "Your training had already surpassed all I'll be able to teach these men."

Merlin stared at him. "My...training?"

Arthur nodded. "You can't think all those sword practices were to get me in shape, could you Merlin?"

Merlin's eyebrows rose. "You were training...me?"

Arthur raised his chin, exasperation colouring his features. "Well, with all the trouble you get into, I shouldn't have to always come save your sorry behind. It couldn't hurt if you were able to defend yourself." Arthur stated firmly, but stole a glance out of the corner of his eye to Merlin. Who was grinning.

"You were training me in sword fighting? Arthur!" Merlin laughed. He'd never even thought of it.

Arthur was embarrassed now, huffing. "Well, you had to have noticed you aren't as hopeless as you used to be..." He grumbled. "I can't believe you didn't even realize."

Merlin smiled again, and Arthur gave him a half one in return, before turning back to the gathered men. All of whom also had smiles on their faces. Merlin blushed, and Arthur started shouting for them to line up. He moved to the front, where his sword was waiting, sticking up from the ground.

"I won't be able to teach you everything there is to know about fighting with a sword. But you can learn the basics: the stance, how to parry a blow, how to land your own. On my count!"

Merlin had watched for a moment, but now he headed away, knowing from experience that they'd need more wood before the day was over. Arthur was a good teacher, but a harsh one at times. Staffs would break and people would be bruised before the day was out.

One his way out of the village, he glimpsed Will watching from a doorway, an unreadable look in his eye. Merlin hoped he was listening to the sword fighting lecture. Will may have inherited his father's sword, but he'd never trained, and Merlin wanted him to have a chance when they fought the raiders.

The sounds of Arthur's teaching voice, and the crack of sticks followed him out to the forest, and he chopped the wood with a happier disposition than he had before.

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><p>Matthew listened intently to Prince Arthur's lecture. Sword fighting, for Matthew son of Matthias? Who would have thought it. Arthur paced in front, handling a sword like he had been born with one in his hand-and who know, maybe he was? Matthew held the staff, white-knuckled until they started.<p>

Blows cracked, and staffs jarred terribly when they hit each other, but it was better than the feeling when they hit another person. A soft _fump_ or a snap across the knuckles or elbow and someone was down, perhaps gasping in pain. Not that Matthew ever hit his partner that hard. He didn't want to think about an actual blade...

As the day went on, Matthew came to one conclusion. He was rubbish with the sword. He really was. He clumsily blocked his partners strike, grimacing. How was he meant to protect his village, if he couldn't even fight to defend it? He glanced around. Most of the other men had picked up the general idea by now, swinging their staffs in movements that actually looked like they could do some damage with a real blade. Matthew just looked like he was swinging a stick.

Arthur met his eyes then, and came over.

"Matthew," He said, taking his stick, and speaking to him seriously. "I want you to organize sentry duty, to keep an eye out for Kanen and his men."

Matthew stood a little taller. Sentry duty! He could do that. "Be glad to." It would be protecting his village, and that was all he wanted to do.

Arthur then continued. "If there is any sign of attack, I want you to ride straight back here. I don't want you fighting all on your own."

Matthew imagined fighting the hordes of Kanen's men with his clumsy stick fighting, and gave a nervous little laugh. Arthur returned the smile, as Matthew nodded fervently. Yes, he could do this.

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><p>Gwen finished up the last sword in her pile, grinding the edge to a sharp line. Morgana stepped back from where she'd been cranking the file's handle, and wiped her brow. Gwen last sword joined the rest, stabbing down into the ground from Hunith's strong hands.<p>

Gwen wiped her hands together, frowning.

"Look at them," She murmured, seeing the men Arthur'd been training that morning, most in various states of collapse. "They need help."

Gwen thought back to their earlier conversation. Morgana had said that there was no way these men would be able to hold Kanen's men of, not on their own, anyway. Her own words '_men aren't the only ones that can fight,' _echoed through her brain, and she felt her back straighten in determination. Morgana felt it too, and she looked at Gwen with her familiar fire behind her eyes.

"We have to let the women fight too, Gwen." Morgana said. Hunith overheard them.

"I agree." She said firmly, "I always intended to fight. No matter what Arthur, or Merlin for that matter, says about it. Other women here feel the same."

Gwen and Morgana grinned at her. "Well, then." Morgana said, clapping her hands together. "We need to talk to Arthur."

Taking their leave of Hunith, the two women approached Arthur, as he poured water from the well bucket. Morgana announced her presence, as always with a snip at Arthur, though her tone wasn't harsh.

"Looks like the battle's already fought and lost."

Arthur turned to look at the men, lying out in the hot sun, where they fell. Women walked among them, handing out drinks. They all looked pained and tired.

"They'll toughen up." Arthur said, firmly.

"They'll need to," Gwen murmured.

"How are we doing for weapons?" Arthur asked, taking another drink.

"There isn't much, but we should be able to scrape together what you need." Morgana answered, and Gwen shifted. She was sure that Morgana had some plan about how to approach convincing Arthur to let the women stay and fight, but Gwen could not stay silent. Not when the men collapsed after a mere day of training, and the number of swords far outnumbered the hands to wield them.

"It's not the weapons that worry us; it's having the people to use them." She glanced at Morgana, who continued where she left off, her voice gentle and convincing.

"You haven't enough men. If they were trained soldiers maybe you'd stand and chance, but they're not." But Arthur did not even look their way, and Gwen felt a sinking feeling. Then he met Morgana's eyes.

"It's too dangerous." He said, and his tone was final, that it came as no surprise that he walked away then, calling to the men to get up and start again. Gwen and Morgana looked at each other.

"We won't give up on this." Gwen murmured, and Morgana gave her a half smile, seeming proud of her fight.

"No, we won't. We'll get Hunith to help; we'll get all the women in the village who want to help. He won't be able to refuse."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I've always loved this episode,and I wanted to go more in depth on some of the scenes. As I got going, however, I couldn't narrow it down. The entire episode just had to be done. Therefore, the monster that would not stop, is this episode novalization. It is as close to canon as I can get, non slash, missing scenes, introspection, character studies, and pre and post ep story. Enjoy! It is finished, and will be going up in it's entirety in the next couple of weeks.

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Their second evening in Ealdor passed somewhat the same as the first, though all were more subdued. It had started to sink in what they were attempting, and Arthur especially was brooding. Merlin wondered for a moment if he missed his window back at Camelot. There were no balconies to look out off of in Ealdor, so Arthur had to make do with staring into the fire.<p>

Gwen and Morgana were quiet as well, having worked hard throughout the day gathering, and sharpening weapons.

Arthur had had Merlin join in the sword practice in the afternoon, and it was odd that, while swinging around sticks with his old mates and village friends was something they had done often while growing up, he actually had some skill now. He was better than most of the men who'd been learning today-not by much, admittedly, but some. Merlin couldn't imagine how he hadn't noticed.

But that meant that tonight he was feeling his bruises, for Arthur had often used him as an example, and he wasn't looking forward to the hard ground again tonight. He'd grown soft from his little bed at Gaius'.

Soon after dinner, they all lay down in the same places, and it wasn't long before they'd dropped off.

Merlin awoke sometime later. It was still dark, but he could hear some whispers floating over from the girl's area.

"...can't see that. He's too stubborn."

Merlin vaguely recognized Gwen's voice speak next.

"Why do you think he came?" Suddenly Merlin was much more awake, realizing they were talking about Arthur.

"The same reason we did. Merlin." Morgana said, "He may act like he doesn't care, but he wouldn't be here if he didn't."

Merlin's eyes were wide open now, though he didn't move an inch, hoping to hear more. But the sounds a shifting came, and then both women's breathing slowed until Merlin was the only one left awake, alone with his thoughts.

Were they right? Did Arthur care? Merlin wanted it to be true, but Will's words came back to him, contesting Morgana's. _You're just his servant, nothing more._

But Morgana knows Arthur better than Will. Surely she'd know when he cared about someone?

But Merlin was around Arthur the most, he'd know. And his own voice had echoed Will's words, speaking to his mother only a day later.

Merlin sighed, rolling to dig his face into his pillow. What did it matter? Surely he hadn't cared if Arthur had any feelings of friendship for him, before he'd come to Ealdor again. They'd just gone about their normal days, and Merlin had been happy to Arthur's friend, manservant, destined protector or some combination of all three. So why was he so hung up about it now?

Shaking his head at his foolishness, he closed his eyes, trying to get back to sleep. It truly didn't matter, anyway. It wouldn't change anything. Arthur could care or not care, but Merlin would still be there.

Arthur was silent over breakfast, barely eating anything, and when he rose to go outside before everyone had finished, Merlin followed him.

He found the looking at the village from the small rise Hunith's house sat on. His face was pensive, and worried. Merlin came up behind him silently, and did not speak.

After a long moment, Arthur turned to him.

"Morgana and Gwen are right." He murmured, "We don't have enough men to fight them off."

Merlin worried his lip, staring out beside Arthur. He knew that was true. Few of the men would be of much use in fighting aside from pure strength. One day of sword training was not enough to fight off a band of ruffians, and there was little an extra knight, and a half trained servant could do to even the odds.

But, perhaps there was something else they could do...

"What if we evened the odds out a little?" Merlin mused, still staring at the town.

Arthur looked at him. "What do you mean?

Merlin rubbed his eye, thinking for a moment. "Well, we won't beat them in a full out fight, but what if we could do something to give the raiders a bigger disadvantage?"

Arthur's eyes lit up, and then his face took on his strategizing face, the one Merlin told him made him look like he'd swallowed one of Gaius' particularly nasty tonics.

"Merlin, you may be something of a genius." Arthur then said, clapping him on shoulder. Merlin grinned until Arthur stuck a finger in his face, and glared at him.

"Don't let it go to your head." He growled, and Merlin wiped the smile from his face, shaking his head in agreement.

"No, sire,"

Arthur gave him a suspicious eye for another moment, but then his excitement over his idea won out.

"We need to use our knowledge of the village to our advantage." Arthur said, breaking into a small smile.

"Great! How do we do that?" Merlin said, and Arthur turned him roughly to the view of the village, pointing out.

"We take control over where they can go, and stop them from having free reign over the town. We can trap them in places, and not let them manoeuvre." He was gesturing, and Merlin began to see what he was going on about.

"Like corralling horses."

Arthur nodded. "Exactly."

They grinned at each other, the tension lightening as they finally felt like they had a plan that could work.

"Gather the men, Merlin," Arthur said, turning round. "We'll need their help to figure out the best way to do this." Merlin nodded, and ran off to do so.

They gathered everyone in the large barn they'd been using as a common meeting place, save for the men out on sentry duty. They looked expectantly at Arthur as he moved to stand in front, and waited for the murmurs to calm before speaking. Merlin stood behind him, a silent support that, though he'd never admit it, he was grateful for.

"First of all, I wanted to thank you for your hard work yesterday. Sword training is a big undertaking, so I want you to understand that I realize that you are doing all you can for your village. However," Arthur paused, and the men watched him patiently. "We're not going to be able to defend Ealdor with sword and sinew alone. We're going to need a plan."

Arthur walked back and forth as he talked. "We need to find some way of limiting their mobility, and drawing them into a trap. If we fight them on their terms, then-"

A shriek interrupted his words, and he froze for a moment, glancing outside from where it had come from. Another scream threw everyone into motion, and Arthur, Merlin and the men ran outside.

Hoof beats reached Arthur, and his eye was drawn towards the road leading out of town. A horse trotted in, and there was something on its back. A man.

He ran forwards, towards where a basket bearing woman was still crying out in fear. Then Arthur felt his heart sink. It was Matthew, lying over the horses saddle, and arrow sticking up out his back.

"Get him down from there." He barked, and men moved to comply. Maybe there was still a chance...

But Matthew's body was limp and unmoving, and when the two men got him to the ground, and his face came into view, Arthur could see his gray face, and half opened eyes. He was dead.

The crowd that had gathered at the woman's screams was now completely silent, and out of the corner of his eye, Arthur saw Merlin had his wrist pressed to his mouth, as if holding back his cries.

The arrow stuck out of Matthew's back at an angle, and Arthur saw a paper fluttering in the slight breeze, pinned to him.

Arthur knelt down, resting a hand in silent apology, against Matthew's back. He wouldn't even have been out there if it weren't for him. Then he tore the paper from the arrow shaft roughly, reading it quickly. Merlin broke the silence, his voice a bit rough.

"What does it say?"

Arthur glanced up, saying words he'd already had seared into his memory. "Make the most of this day. It will be your last."

Merlin gave him a solemn look, and silence descended once more, until a shout of horror made everyone jerk.

"Matthew!"

A young woman, Matthew's wife Arthur remembered, broke through the gathering, screaming in denial. She fell to her knees by Matthew's body, shaking him and trembling with her sobs. Arthur stared at her, sympathy and sadness freezing him in his place. Then another voice called out, one bitter and angry. Arthur's head jolted up to meet Will's eyes, and flinched at the rage there.

"You did this! Look what you've done!" Will shouted out. "You've killed him!"

Arthur couldn't meet his eyes anymore, looking to the ground.

"It wasn't his fault." Merlin defended him, but Arthur could hear the shakiness in his voice, as if he weren't sure.

Will would not be stopped, however, and he threw a finger out, pointing it at Arthur in accusation. "If he hadn't been strutting around treating us like his own personal army, this never would have happened!"

Arthur raised his own arm, his voice trembling. "These men are brave enough to fight for what they believe in, even if you aren't." Arthur at least knew that was true. These men were brave.

"You're sending them to their graves!" Will returned, and Arthur could not deny his. He bowed his head, letting the rest of Will's words wash over him. "You killed one man." And Arthur's eyes rested on Matthew and his sobbing widow. How would she live now that he'd killed her husband? "How many more need to die before you realize that this is a battle that can't be won." Will locked eyes with Merlin then, giving him a look that Arthur didn't understand. "When Kanen comes, you haven't got a chance. You're going to be slaughtered."

Will turned, and both Arthur and Merlin watched him go, and the village was silent except for a widow's sobs.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I'll be updating much more often now that I'm at school again, and I have my own computer. Thanks for being patient!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>A moment after Will spoke his words, leaving the rest of the town staring after him in shock, Merlin saw Arthur jerk his head down, focusing his eyes on the ground, and not looking up even when Merlin tried to get his attention.<p>

Will had said those harsh things in order to hurt Arthur, hurt him as much as his father's death had hurt Will. And it had worked. Arthur was hurt, Merlin could see it. See it in the slightly hunched shoulders, and the downcast eyes.

Merlin looked at the retreated back of his childhood friend, and felt only anger, and betrayal. With another look at Arthur, hoping to meet his eyes-no such luck- Merlin tore after Will, his teeth gritted.

He entered Will's house, to see Will almost frantically stuffing items into a pack. He was leaving.

Merlin opened his mouth, not sure what would come out, but not particularly caring-but Will cut him off.

"Don't bother Merlin, I'm not interested." Will said, glancing up once, but continuing with his packing.

"You should be." Merlin shot back. "Because tomorrow Kanen attacks, and whether you like it or not, we'll have to fight."

"Not if I'm not here." Merlin took a breath, trying to tamp down on his anger.

"Well, that's up to you, but the rest of us are staying." Merlin watched his friend for a moment, watching him prepare to run, and he felt a sudden longing to have Will fighting by his side, drowning out his previous anger. Didn't Will see how it could be? They'd take back their village, and Kanen and his men would never come back. They could protect their friends and family, just the two of them, like they'd pretended as children, playing with stick-swords.

"Join us Will!" Merlin stepped forwards, unable to stay still, wanting to make Will _see_. He leaned on the table, peering earnestly into Will's face, but he avoided his gaze. Some of the anger came back.

"This isn't about Arthur, this is about your friends. Are you really going to abandon them?" _Are you really going to abandon me?" _

"What, like you did?" And for a moment, Merlin was sure that Will had read his thoughts. Will had finally met his gaze, and his eyes were challenging.

"I'm here now." Merlin defended.

"Yeah." Will almost choked out, turning away back to his bed, grabbing something else. "Yeah, you are, and you could end this. If you used your magic, then no one else would have to die."

Will had turned back by now, glaring with burning eyes. Merlin met his gaze, but the strong denial he'd meant to say only came out a broken whisper.

"You know I can't."

"Can't or won't?" Will came up in his face now, staring at him, waiting for an answer. But Merlin couldn't say the truth, and Will wouldn't hear it even if he could. He stayed silent.

"I'm not the one abandoning these people, Merlin. You are."

Will walked away, and Merlin blinked a few times, trying to understand that it really had been Will saying those things. He wanted to run out now, and protest that they weren't true! That he'd never abandoned anyone, and that it wasn't his fault he couldn't use his magic tomorrow.

But were they true? Was it beyond his control whether or not to use his power? After all, it all came down to a choice, and he chose to lie to Arthur every day. Every _damn_ day, and what did he have to show for it? Why did he even try?

Merlin stood from his place against the table, and made his way out into the village. There wasn't much activity going on, and there were people gathered at Matthew's family home. Merlin felt a new pang of sadness, for Matthew had always been kind to him, with enough years between them that he was too old to be part of the rough older boy's crowd, and too young to have been a stiff old man as they were growing up.

He glanced around for Arthur, as saw him sitting beside his mother's home, sharpening his sword. He felt a momentary flash of guilt, since that was technically his duty, and he hadn't done it once since they'd come out here. Not that Arthur had told him to either.

Merlin could tell that Arthur was still troubled by Will's harsh words; his movements were unfocused, and Merlin felt afraid for a moment that he'd slice his finger on the blade. He really should save his brooding for staring out windows or into the fire-much safer.

He took a seat next to the prince, and clasped his hands, not sure if he should speak or wait for Arthur. Merlin wanted to explain, to defend his friend, even as he still fought anger for what he'd said, and what he was planning on doing. Will did have reasons that Arthur didn't know, and Merlin felt it fair that Arthur be told them.

And since Arthur wasn't going to speak, he started, while Arthur continued sharpening.

"William's father was killed fighting for King Cenred." Merlin shrugged. "That's why he doesn't trust anyone of nobility."

Arthur stopped, looking at the sword. "Do you think the villagers believed him?"

"No," Merlin shook his head, a slight smile coming to his face as he remembered their childhoods and all the rubbish they'd got up to. "He's always been a trouble maker. They're used to ignoring him."

"And if he's right?" Arthur still hadn't looked at him, and his face was hard, but Merlin could see the insecurity, so foreign on the prince's pale face. Merlin shook his head firmly.

"He isn't." Not about that. His tone, however, seemed to cause the opposite affect than he'd been intending. Arthur's stern face broke, and he glanced around almost desperately.

"I'm treating these men like soldiers, and they're not." He waved his arm, swallowing. "You've seen them fight. They haven't got a clue!" Arthur leaned forwards, elbows on knees. "You need to tell them all to leave the village before Kanen returns." Merlin was chilled to realize that Arthur was handing the command of his village over to him. He was bowing out, giving up.

Merlin glanced over at the village, and the few men that milled about. It was strange to see it so quiet; since Arthur had come, the place was a whirlwind of activity, preparations going on nonstop. Arthur had brought life, and determination to his home village, and Merlin was saddened to see that same spark of life seemingly gone from Arthur's own face. He bit the inside of his lip, worry pulling down his brow.

Arthur needed to know that they could win, and Merlin was realizing that it all came down to a choice. His choice. Will was right. His friends were people he should be able to trust. If he could trust Arthur with his life, as he'd said he did, then he should trust him with his magic.

People were dying, two had already, and Merlin would not let it be increased. His secret wasn't worth the lives of his friends and family. It never should have been like that in the first place. With Merlin's magic on their side, the raiders would be easy.

"No, we're going to stay. We're going to fight. And we're going to win." Merlin's voice was determined, but Arthur shook his head, giving him his you're-an-idiot look, but tinged with real defeat.

"Merlin, it can't be done. The odds are too great!"

"It can!" Merlin met his eyes, willing him to not give up hope. "We're going to make Kanen rue the day he ever came to this village."

Arthur turned his head, raising a hand to rub at his eyes, but Merlin kept talking, hoping _something_ would get through.

"All you have to do is get the men ready for battle. The rest, will take care of itself." Merlin spoke with absolutely surety, for he would not allow them to fail, no matter who saw. The surety came through in his voice, and it caused Arthur to meet his eyes again, this time in disbelief.

"How?" He said, annoyance now tingeing his voice, but it was better than hopelessness.

"You've just got to believe in them." Merlin said, firmly. "Cause if you don't, they'll sense it. And the battle will be lost before it's even begun."

Arthur met his eyes for a long moment, and then turned away, looking forward at the village square, but his gaze was contemplative instead of despairing, and Merlin believed he'd gotten through to him. He recognized the princes mood now, and knew he'd want some time to think. Merlin stood and took his leave. The better to let Arthur mull over what he'd said.

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><p>Hunith watched her son leave Arthur sitting outside her home. The opening through which she'd accidentally eavesdropped was big enough to see the top of the two boy's heads as they'd sat talking in seeming privacy. She felt bad about invading that, but she'd been unable to move as Merlin's words filtered in her mind, and his meaning became clear.<p>

Merlin was planning on using his magic.

Her heart was in her throat as she listened to Merlin's assured words, comforting Arthur and promising they would not fail. It was almost said out loud that Merlin would make sure of it, by any means necessary. She realized that it no longer mattered to Merlin if his secret was kept safe, not if it meant sacrificing the village.

Hunith put a hand to her heart as the full extent of her son's courage and strength became clear to her. He was willing to sacrifice himself to save lives. Her hero. Tears threatened.

Because sometimes heroes didn't come back.

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><p>Morgana sidled up to Gwen while the villagers bore Matthew's body to his home, whispering in her ear.<p>

"The women should fight. Now more than ever."

Gwen nodded. "Yes. They have a right to fight for their homes, Arthur should see that."

Morgana shared a look with her, and then they looked to the village. People were milling around, aimlessly. Those who were close to Matthew, the village leader, gathered at his home, but the rest acted as if they didn't know what to do.

Gwen realized that Arthur had been leading them, inspiring them since they got here. But since that boy's words to the prince, he'd been nowhere to be found. Gwen worried her lip, knowing that there were things to do today, and not enough time to do it. She hoped that Arthur would turn up, for the people needed him.

She shook herself, and turned her thoughts back to the problem at hand. The women of the village needed to band together and stand up, or Arthur would surely send them away with the children.

"We need to talk to them, all of them. Find out how many would be willing to stand up with us, how many want to fight." Morgana agreed, and they spread out to gather them. The men may stand around waiting for the prince, but they surely wouldn't.

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><p>Will didn't know why he hung around town after he'd finished packing. He'd told Merlin that he was going to leave, and he was. But he still found himself leaving his bag, and wandering around the village, lost in his thoughts.<p>

Anger still coursed through him, especially as he thought of their village leader. Matthew was about fifteen years older than him, and Merlin, and as such, had always fondly treated the two of them as annoying younger brothers. He remembered going fishing with him, or gathering berries in the fall. He frowned as his eyes prickled. Crying was no use.

Will scowled, and wished that things could go back to the way it was before the prince and his company had gotten here, before the raiders had come, before Merlin had left. Things were so much simpler, then. Will could have lived like that forever, and he didn't understand how someone would ever want to go off and leave.

But Merlin had.

Things had changed when his father died, and Will had been so angry when Merlin refused to use his magic for him. Hunith had sent him away then. But even before that, Merlin had been unhappy.

Will saw nothing strange about his best friend having magic, and he took advantage of it as another tool in his arsenal in mischief and trouble-making, (Old Man Simmons never quite forgave Merlin). Merlin simply delighted in another person sharing his secret, and did whatever Will wanted him to do, often things his mother would have disapproved of, but that was neither here nor there to the young men. Life was carefree, for the most part.

But there had been times that Merlin grew frustrated. One time in particular stood out.

_Will entered Merlin's house, striding in as he always did. Merlin was sat beside the fire, and unusually he held nothing in his hands, but was simply staring. It was a chilly day in mid-fall, so Will just assumed he was getting warm, and thought nothing else of it. He sat next to his friend on the bench, nudging him to get his attention. _

"_Hey," Will said. "Don't think so hard, your face will stick like that."_

_Merlin glanced over. "Hi Will." _

_His voice was low, morose sounding, and Will felt a flicker of concern. What was wrong with his normally overly cheery friend?_

"_Let's go do something." He said, in an effort to distract Merlin out of whatever mood he was in. "There's a new crop of apples in, they looked tasty..." He trailed off with a grin, but Merlin shook his head. _

"_No thanks." _

"_Come on, it'll be easy. We'll just..." Will wiggled his fingers, in a approximation of the way Merlin moved his hand when he did magic. He expected Merlin to smile, agree, and they'd be off, like they always were. However, Merlin frowned, scowled down into the flames. _

"_I don't want to." His voice was almost a snap, and Will leaned back, startled. _

"_Why not-"_

"_Because I hate it!" Merlin jumped up, pacing around the fire, and Will sat frozen to the seat, staring at his friend. "I hate having magic. I hate lying to people, and then you...we go and do things, getting into trouble, and getting away with it. All because I have this thing, this power, that lets me do things that no one else can do. And all I do with it is tricks and playing around."_

_Merlin waved his arms about until his rant died down, and then he stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at the ground. _

"_Do you understand? I want to be normal. But I'm not. And if there isn't a purpose, a reason, then what is it even for? What's the point?" _

_Will didn't know what to say, and he sat there awkwardly for a moment, watching Merlin simmer. He hadn't met his eyes, but Will could see a shimmer there from more than just the firelight._

"_I don't know what to say, Merlin." Will murmured. He wasn't good at this sort of thing. _

"_No." Merlin said, quietly. "You don't know what it's like. No one does."_

_He turned and strode out of the house, leaving Will sitting beside the fire, confused and upset. _

The next time he'd seen Merlin, later that evening, he seemed to be back to his normal self. He didn't mention his outburst, and Will didn't ask, but he didn't forget either. Merlin's words kept him from arguing harder for Merlin to stay when that time came. He didn't understand. But he didn't fight Merlin's choice.

Thinking about it, it was like Merlin didn't _fit_ here. He was too big, too important somehow (though he'd never tell Merlin that) and Ealdor wasn't able to hold all of him. Even since he came back, there were shades of that feeling. The wide world was for Merlin, and only a small bit of him could stay here in the small village.

Will kicked at a fence post as he went by, hands deep in his pockets. He wasn't looking where he was walking, but he simply let his feet carry him where they led. It wasn't surprising that they led him to Merlin's old home; he'd practically lived there for years, before Merlin went away. Hunith had been a sort of mother to him, one he'd never had, and he felt bad for letting his anger change that lately.

Sighing, he stepped closer to the house, peeking inside the open windows to see it any of Merlin's friends from Camelot were inside. He didn't particularly want to meet them up close, especially not after those words (_true ones!) _he'd said, shouted at the prince.

The only one inside was Hunith, sitting on the bench. He turned to go, but then her eye caught his movement, and she met his gaze.

He ducked his head, and almost moved on, but something stopped him. So, swallowing, he stepped up the path that led to the door, wondering what he was doing.

Will entered slowly, taking in Hunith pensive look, and the emptiness of the home. It was almost as if Merlin had never come back.

"Hello Will," Hunith murmured, not lifting her gaze. Will, now berating himself for even entering, muttered a hello back, and found himself glancing about the room for something to say. He noticed that on second glance, he could see the signs of the visitors: rolled up bedclothes, and more bowls waiting to be washed than normal for the solitary Hunith.

Will scratched the back on his neck, wondering what to say, why he'd even come, when Hunith turned to him.

"He missed you, you know."

Will started. "What?"

"Merlin. He missed you." Hunith was calm, but there were undercurrents in her tone that Will did not understand. That seemed to happen often of late. But, Will couldn't help but doubt her words.

"Please," He scoffed. "He's got his new city friends now. He doesn't need me."

"You're right. Merlin does have new friends, one's who would do anything for him." Will felt the truth of her words pierce him to the core, a certain thickness choking his throat for a moment. He nodded, agreeing with her. She continued, gazing at him with a piercing look. "But Merlin doesn't abandon people, Will." She said softly. "No matter how much it may feel so. He's far too loyal. You know he would drop everything in a heartbeat for anyone he considered to be worth his love."

Will shifted against the wall, fidgeting as a twisty feeling squirmed in his gut. He remembered his argument with Merlin an hour ago. He'd accused Merlin of abandoning his village, his family and friends. He knew now that Merlin would never do that. He'd known before.

Shaking his head, emotions not allowing him to speak, he gave Hunith a shaky nod, and fled, going out to the woods.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** I'll be updating much more often now that I'm at school again, and I have my own computer. Thanks for being patient!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>The word spread that Prince Arthur wished to speak to all of the people of the village, some last words before tomorrow morning, and the raiders arrived. This fact had been present in the minds of all throughout the day, and as such it was a sombre group that gathered in a circle around a crackling fire pit in the centre of the old barn.<p>

Merlin ushered people in, and at the last, took a seat in the front, near the fire, and directly in front of where Arthur distractedly stood, leaning on his sword. Merlin recognized Arthur's face, he was gathering his thoughts, and would not speak until he was ready.

He paced for a few minutes in silence, and Merlin felt the crowd around him shifting, curious and some impatient, all waiting to see what this prince from another kingdom would say to them on this eve of battle.

Arthur paused in his steps then, and his voice was solemn when he spoke.

"Thank you all for coming." He looked around briefly, meeting many people's eyes. Then he looked back to middle ground, and continued.

"Tomorrow morning, the women and children should gather what belongings they can carry, and go to the woods."

There was a sudden uneasiness behind him, and Merlin turned in his seat to see Gwen of all people stepping forwards, a determined look on her face.

"We're not going anywhere." She said, her jaw set. Arthur turned, less surprise on his face than Merlin would have thought. Instead he looked resigned, but firm, resting his hands on the hilt of his sword.

"I know you want to help," He said, reassuring and calm. "But women can't stay here. It's too dangerous." Gwen, however, would not be dissuaded.

"The women have as much right to fight for their lives as the men do."

"None of you know how to fight." Arthur was trying to appeal to their reason, though his statement was not technically true. Morgana knew how to fight, better than Merlin did definitely, and the other women of the village were more than adept at swinging a broomstick, as Merlin's backside could attest to. He'd gotten more than one swat as a child, running around with Will.

Gwen had an argument for that, and Merlin turned his mind back to the present to watch what unfolded.

"The more of us there are, the better chance we stand."

The women behind Gwen shifted, stepping forwards as one, in a solid line. Their commitment showed on their faces, and not one backed down from Arthur's gaze.

The prince looked at the determined women. Morgana and Gwen, fighting for their friend, Luned and Brigid, both widows from this whole debacle, Merlin's mother, with a grim frown on her face, and the many other women his own age or older. They were ready to fight for their home.

Arthur met Merlin's eyes, and he could read the question in the blue gaze, asking his approval, permission for his friends and family to be put in danger such as this. But the women were ready, and did not need his permission. Who was he to deny such bravery? Merlin jerked his head down, hardly even a nod, but it was enough for Arthur.

He nodded, and spoke to the women.

"This is your home. If you want to fight to defend it, that's your choice." Arthur looked up at Gwen and the other women standing beside her. "I'd be honoured to stand alongside you."

Gwen, as the spokesperson of the group, gave Arthur a grateful, respectful nod.

Arthur stepped forwards then, speaking now to the whole of the gathering.

"Kanen attacks tomorrow. Kanen's brutal, he fights only to kill. Which is why," Arthur paused, looking at the men and women he'd gathered and led these past two days. "He will never defeat us. Look around, in this circle, we're all equals. You're not fighting because someone's ordering you to, you're fighting for so much more than that. You fight for your homes. You fight for your families. You fight for your friends." Arthur met Merlin's gaze for the for the barest flash. "You fight for the right to grow crops in peace. And if you fall, you fall fighting for the noblest of causes; fighting for your very right to survive. And when you're old and gray, you'll look back on this day, and you'll know, you earned the right to live every day in between. So you fight, for your family. For your friends. For Ealdor!"

Merlin, listening to Arthur's words, watching him rouse his village, inspiring them to action, then seemed to see another sight, superimposed over the one in front of him. In reality, Arthur circled the fire grate, shouting out the name of his village, his sword pointed to the sky. In Merlin's eyes, the circular area became a great hall. In the centre, a round table, filled with knights bearing the crest of Camelot. Arthur stood at one of the spaces, a ornate but modest crown upon his brow. He saw himself then, wearing robes of blue, standing at Arthur's right hand. Arthur's words came back to him, "In this circle, we are equals."

Tears filled Merlin's eyes, and he blinked them back, in the process, blinking away the vision which had filled his senses. Only being hidden in the crowd had prevented notice from coming to him as he reeled from the effects of the scene. This was the future that Merlin worked for, that he would give anything to achieve.

Merlin beamed then, and he stood with the rest, shouting out cheers for his village, but more for his prince, his future king.

"For Ealdor! For Ealdor!"

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><p>Will left the main hall, the cheers of his fellow villagers still ringing in his ears. The prince had spoken to them, and despite himself, Will had listened, and had felt a frisson of understanding, of willingness to follow, which helped him realize why Merlin was so devoted to the nobleman. Arthur had this charisma, this aura about him, that inspired. Will walked away, wishing he could feel angry. But he really wasn't. Arthur was a noble. He'd come rushing in, telling them to fight, thinking he was going to <em>save<em> them. He was Merlin's new best friend, even though Merlin still hadn't told him about his magic, Will knew that he would. After all, Will himself had found out by accident, and only a few years ago. And Arthur was the son of a king who hated magic. Merlin probably had no choice, no matter how good of friends they became.

Will winced as he recalled the words he'd spoken, almost all the words he'd spoken to his supposed best friend since Merlin had arrive. He'd mocked him, ridiculed him, and accused him of cowardice. He had been worse than those bullies that had used to pick on the boys as children. If anyone was abandoning, betraying their friends, it was him. Running away, for what? Anger? Pride?

Will groaned, and entered his home, eyeing the packed bags on the bed. He needed to think.

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><p>Hunith left the gathering soon after the prince finished his speech, knowing that the high of excitement that the young people were enjoying after Arthur' speech would need time to wind down, or they'd never sleep. She, however, found herself longing for quiet. Her home was chilled, since Merlin and Arthur had been hard at work for most of the day, preparing traps and outlining plans with the men of the village. Hunith had been with Brigid, Matthew's young wife, helping as best as she could, while pushing down her own feelings of sadness. Matthew had been a good friend, and she couldn't process that she'd never see him again.<p>

Hunith shivered, wrapping a shawl around her shoulders, and stoking a fire in the circle of stones. She tried to put Matthew's sacrifice out of her head, and in turn began to think about her son's words to the prince earlier that morning, the ones that she'd not meant to overhear, but ever since had not been able to stop replaying.

"All you need to do is get the men ready for battle. The rest, will take care of itself."

Hunith felt more chilled at the memory, even as the fire warmed the room. She leaned forwards, her elbows on her knees, staring into the fire. Merlin was going to reveal himself, she knew it. His words had held too much significance, too much confidence to be just general advice. He would sacrifice himself for them, to protect them. Because that's who he is.

The boy himself chose that moment to walk through the door, giving her a quick smile in greeting, shrugging off his coat and tossing it in the corner, just like he'd always done. The image was so normal, that for a moment Hunith imagined that he'd never left, and that he was still here at home. She had to blink back a sudden rush of tears.

She sat upright, laying a hand on the bench beside her.

"Come here," Hunith said softly, and Merlin stepped over without question, peering at her a little curiously. She gazed at her son for a moment, noticing how much older, wiser he looked, after only a few months. She raised a hand, stroking his defined cheekbones, no longer hidden under a layer of baby flesh. Her little boy was growing up into a man; he was nearly there already.

"I do love you, my boy." Hunith whispered. He was confused, she could see, and he shook his head a little.

"What's wrong?"

Merlin's voice was so unassuming, so kind, Hunith felt her throat close, and she looked down to her lap, trying to regain control.

"I should never have gone to Camelot." She thought of the life he'd had, and how, with what he was planning to do, everything would change. She kept her eyes down, not wanting him to see the tears of guilt building "I've ruined everything for you."

"You haven't, why would you say that?" Merlin protested quickly, now looking at her with full concern. Hunith looked up, and met his eyes solemnly.

"I know what you're planning to do."

Merlin looked shocked for a tiny moment, and then blew out a breath and looked away. A small part of her heart crashed to the floor, and she realized that she'd been hoping he'd deny it, that she'd been mistaken. But not now.

He worked his mouth for a moment, finding the words to say what she feared. Then he tilted his head, not making eye contact, but allowing her the view of his face.

"If it comes to a choice between savings people's lives," His blue eyes met her, glittering in the firelight. "Or revealing who I really am..." Merlin smiled a small smile, and shrugged, as if there was nothing wrong in the world. "There is no choice."

Panic clutched her breast, and she leaned forwards, alarm and fear lowering her voice to the barest whisper.

"You can't let Arthur know about your gift!" For here and now, Arthur was the embodiment of everything that had threatened her son since the day he was born. Arthur was the one whose father would kill Merlin as soon as look at him, if he ever knew the truth. Hunith liked Arthur, she thought he was a good person who would make a good king someday. But she could not trust him with her son.

"Why not?" Merlin protested, and Hunith realized that Merlin had already made his choice. He_ was_ trusting Arthur. The thought filled her with fear. Merlin kept her gaze. "Maybe, it's meant to be this way."

He seemed to read her thoughts, and Merlin turned away to gaze into the fire again. "And if he doesn't accept me for who I really am, then..." He seemed to have to search for words. "He's not the friend I hoped he was."

Hunith wanted to either reassure Merlin, or forbid him from telling anyone ever, and she stared at him for a space of a breath. Then said friend walked through the door, and the moment was lost, as Merlin glanced up at the prince, his eyes now shadowed with his secrets.

"Hey," Merlin greeted, standing. "Good speech."

Arthur snorted, tugging off his own jacket. Merlin went to help, almost unconsciously.

"Thanks, Merlin." He nodded in greeting to her, as she watched with a smile on her face now. She was good at hiding secrets too. "Hunith."

"It was a good speech, Arthur." Hunith said, taking a stick from the fire to light the lamp with. "The people will follow you tomorrow." Arthur held her gaze, and gave her another, more serious nod.

"Thank you."

The two moved further off, towards the end of the room they'd slept in last night, preparing to sleep. Hunith watched as Merlin easily took Arthur's mind off the coming morning by teasing and Arthur responded with jabs that rolled off his tongue like breathing. A few minutes later, and Arthur's shoulders were no longer tense with stress, and Merlin was genuinely smiling as well.

Hunith's face creased into a sad smile. Tomorrow, everything would change. She wasn't sure if Merlin realized that, not fully. This easy camaraderie may well be a thing of the past. She, for one, would be sad to see it go.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N: **This chapter is one of my favorites. It was actually the scene in this part, towards the end of this chapter that inspired me to write this at all. I hope you enjoy it as much I did!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Morning dawned over Ealdor, and Arthur groaned as he rolled away from the intruding sunshine, feeling the hard floor, and wishing sleepily for his bed back in Camelot. His foot nudged someone, and Merlin beside him snorted, and flipped over, nearly missing Arthur's head with his own foot. He lay there, more awake, and staring at the bony ankle of his manservant, inches from his nose.<p>

Grumbling, he shoved the offending foot, sitting up in the process, and causing Merlin to gasp in alarm, and wake, blinking at his foot. Arthur waited a moment, then sighed.

"Merlin!" He said, quietly, for he didn't want to bother the other occupants of the house. Merlin started, and shook himself, finally waking up properly.

"Arthur?"

"Awake then, Merlin?" Arthur asked, glaring while inwardly grinning. "Now come on, get moving."

Merlin nodded quickly rising to his knees.

"Of course, yes, I'll just..." Merlin stopped rambling, and blinked at him again. "What did you want me to do?"

Arthur could hold back his snort no longer, and he broke into quiet laughter at Merlin's confused face. Still smiling broadly, Arthur lay back down, folding his arms behind his head.

"Nothing, Merlin. No one's even awake yet." It was true. Hunith lay on her bed across the room, and Gwen and Morgana's soft breathing filtered through the hanging fabric. Merlin gave him a petulant look.

"So why did you wake me?" He whined, laying back down as well, burying his face into the pillow. Arthur half smiled towards the ceiling, a retort 'for the entertainment of it' hanging from his lips. That wasn't the real reason, however. He hadn't even know it at the time, but now the memories of last night, and what would happen today came back, and his chest tightened in anticipation and nervousness. He'd woken Merlin so he wouldn't be alone in this thoughts.

The other man groaned into his pillow, and roughly turned to face the ceiling, pose mirroring Arthur's.

"Now I'm awake, I can't get back to sleep, prat." Merlin said, annoyed. Arthur huffed a laugh.

"You're welcome."

Silence came, and Merlin shifted a little. Arthur felt a sudden urge to talk, to not let Merlin go back to sleep and leave him alone to his musings. He already was having trouble not thinking about Kanen and his men, riding here in mere hours.

"Merlin,"

Merlin hummed in response, but Arthur couldn't think what to say. Then in his odd way of knowing Arthur's thoughts, Merlin continued regardless.

"Why'd you wake so early?" He twisted, trying to see out the cracked window, judging the position of the rising sun. "My mother won't be up for a while yet..." Merlin murmured. Arthur shrugged.

"The light, I suppose. You always wake me with that blasted curtain back home, just used to it."

Merlin moved a bit again, his feet making the blanket by Arthur's head lift then billow back downwards.

"When I was a child, I'd always wake ridiculously early." Arthur snorted, picturing his perpetually late servant now. Merlin laughed. "Hard to believe, I know. My mother tried everything to get me to sleep in longer, heavier curtains, warm milk, what have you, but nothing worked. Eventually, she just ignored me when I woke up early, though I'm sure she was awake, and just listening for the trouble I'd get into."

Arthur lay still, listening to Merlin's story. He was oddly intrigued; he'd never thought overly hard about his manservant's home life or childhood, but he found the picture Merlin was painting compelling.

"Funny thing was, once she stopped getting up and trying to make me go back to sleep, I'd wake, then lie in bed and actually fall back asleep again, just as she'd wanted." Arthur smiled.

"You always do have to do things your own way, don't you Merlin?"

Merlin shrugged. "Well, you know me, sire. Always the rebel."

Arthur laughed, and nudged Merlin's side with his knee. Merlin nudged him right back, and things may have degenerated into some type of wrestling match, which Arthur would have invariably won, if not for the sudden stirring from the other side of the room, and the noises of people waking.

Arthur and Merlin both sat up. It was time for the day to start. A sudden solemnity fell over Arthur and he met Merlin's gaze for a moment. Today would decide the fate of Merlin's home, and that fate rested on Arthur's shoulders. It was a heavy burden to bear.

Clearing his throat, Arthur looked away, standing, and beginning to tug on his clothes for the day. He'd get into his armour later. He dressed quickly, brushing aside Merlin's offer to help, and grabbed his sword.

"I'm going to go stand watch." He announced, earning looks of surprise from Hunith, who'd risen and was stoking the fire pit, and the still abed Morgana and Gwen. "Get ready quickly. We don't know when Kanen and his men will arrive."

He strode from the house, feeling Merlin's concerned gaze follow him out the door.

Going to keep watch, alone in the woods with the silent landscape his only company, turned out to be a phenomenally bad idea -at least as far as his own mental state went. He was left with nothing to do, beside stare into the distance, and think. There was no movement anywhere he looked, and as such he was left with only his mind to engage him, and his mind was a vindictive creature.

Arthur sighed, leaning against a tree. He didn't want to think about the words William had said yesterday. He didn't want to think about how this was his first real command away from the knights, and the protective influence of his father in case something went wrong. He didn't want to think that more people were going to die today, perhaps ones he knew, like Hunith, or Morgana or Gwen or Merlin. He didn't want to think that if Morgana or Gwen was hurt, it would be on his conscious, not to mention his head. He'd allowed them to fight. He really didn't want to think of all the villagers, barely trained, and following his direction, fighting armed robbers.

Of course, thinking of all the things he didn't want to think of was rather counterproductive.

A stick broke from behind him, and he breathed out. Someone coming to relieve him? No, light footsteps, a woman. A distraction at the very least.

He turned slowly to see Gwen, carrying a bowl of what looked suspiciously like Hunith's morning porridge.

"Arthur, Hunith made you some food." Arthur tried not to make a face. Truly, ask Hunith to make anything else, her dinner meals were good, but the morning porridge...

"Thanks," He said, taking the bowl. Gwen nodded and turned away. Arthur looked down at the congealed mass in distaste. "I think," He muttered, under his breath.

Gwen heard him, and she turned back sharply.

"Food is scarce for these people, you shouldn't turn your nose up at it." She reprimanded.

Arthur looked at her, startled, that she'd heard his words, and that she'd say such to him. And, though he'd not admit it, a bit shamed.

Her eyes widened as she realized what she'd said, her face growing adorably flustered.

"Oh, no...I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm sorry." She turned to walk away, wringing her hands in embarrassment.

"Gwen," Arthur called her back, but she didn't listen.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. It won't happen again..."

"Guinevere!" Arthur used her full name, stopping the rambling apologies. She froze, then turned on the spot to face him, looking abashed. Arthur looked at her, then nodded.

"Thank you." She looked startled, but Arthur continued speaking, looking at her firmly. "You're right. And you were right to speak up."

About more than the food, Arthur realized. "I should have listened to you and Morgana." All his previous ruminations came to the forefront, and his voice was quiet as he looked back to the woodlands, picturing the trees overrun with raiders. "We're going to need all the help we can get."

Gwen stepped forwards, her previous unease forgotten.

"We'll be fine." Her voice was firm. Arthur looked at her, his gaze unblinking.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have faith in you." Arthur frowned very slightly, not breaking her gaze. What? Some of her awkwardness returned, as once again her mind caught up to her mouth, "I mean, we all do."

Arthur felt his throat close, as her strength rushed through him. He was touched, and moved by her assurance that he could do it. For, before that moment, he wasn't at all sure if he could. He swallowed, then nodded jerkily.

"Thank you," The corner of his mouth twitched in what he hoped was a sort of smile, what he hoped would convey his gratitude. For at her words, he felt some confidence return.

She smiled, and nodded, turning to go. Arthur watched her walk off, noticing that his chest breathed looser, and he no longer felt as if a sudden move would snap his careful control. He took a deep breath. He was ready for this day. Arthur raised his jaw, straightening his shoulders. Let them come. He would lead this people, Merlin's people to victory today.

And to start with, he glanced down at the bowl of porridge in his hands, studying the whitish paste, he'd take Guinevere's first piece of advice. Raising the spoon, he scooped up a generous mouthful, and took a bite.

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><p>The reports came mid-morning, after Merlin had helped his mother tidy the house, seen the last of the older women and children, all who'd not stayed behind to fight, off into the caves within the woods, and checked the traps that dotted the village, just waiting for hapless raiders to wander into them. Arthur had come running in, saying that the riders had been spotted on the other side of the woods, about a half hour away. The village flew into a flurry of activity in a matter of moments.<p>

Morgana and Gwen were drawn into the preparations, gathering the other women, and Merlin's mother laid out bandaging and herbs. She wasn't a true healer, but she'd do what she could until the physician from the next town over arrived. They'd sent for him the night before, but it was a full day's ride, and so would probably be here once the worst had been done.

Arthur hadn't put on his armour yet, and was directing people's movements with all the skill he'd cultivated over the years. But the fool was going to get himself killed if he didn't dress properly. Merlin grabbed Arthur's arm, and all but dragged him into Hunith's home, where they'd stored the armour.

He reached for Arthur's bag, and then Merlin remembered the borrowed armour Gwen had given him, chain mail, that was slightly too big for him. He had armour to put on too. The thought was strange, just as was the thought that he was actually going to fight today, defend his village, and probably kill, if he had to. Not that he hadn't done that before. There was the witch that began it all, who he'd dropped a chandelier on to save Arthur for the first time. Then Edwin, Sophia, Aldrich...perhaps there were others, accidental, unknown or unnoticed.

Death by sword was unpleasant, he knew that. He'd already done it, he recalled, when they first arrived, and had put it out of his mind. But it wouldn't stay buried forever, he knew.

Then, the realization flooded into his head, that if he did what he'd planned on doing, there would be no need for people to die, not by the sword, and certainly not by his sword. Then his mind was consumed with a whole new nervousness. If Arthur saw, then everything would change. His life would either end or begin, and he was sick with worry about which one it would be.

Merlin realized he was kneeling on the floor, clutching both his and Arthur's armour bags, so he stood, and handed Arthur his chain mail, letting him dress himself in it, while Merlin wiggled into his. The under tunic was thick, rough, and the mail was heavy, but he could still move. Swallowing, he turned to the table, where the metal plates of Arthur's armour were laid out. He lifted it, the movements feeling strange today, where for many months they'd been a habit. Merlin turned, going to raise it above Arthur's head, the way he _knew_ it was meant to go, but Arthur's hands stopped him. He paused, confused.

"No, not today." Arthur said, taking the plating from Merlin's hands, and meeting his eyes solemnly. "Put on your own." Merlin stared for a moment, then looked at the remains of his own armour on the table. Arm bracers, and he knew how those were put on.

Soft clanging echoed from beside him, Arthur donning the armour, while Merlin concentrated on slipping on and fastening the metal cuffs. The left went on with no difficulties, but his weaker hand fumbled with the buckle on the right.

Then, Arthur's large hands took his arm, and moved his fingers out of the way, buckling the brace for him, not a word said. Merlin let him. Then Arthur moved his hand to Merlin's shoulder, clasping it in the way Merlin had seen with the knights. Blue met blue gaze, and Arthur gave him a little smile.

"You ready?"

Was he? Merlin's stomach churned with nervousness. Not for the fight, not solely. But it was the moment of truth, and he was terrified. "My throat's dry." He didn't think he'd meant to say that out loud.

Arthur's hand fell from his shoulder, and he gave Merlin an unreadable look. "Me too." The prince admitted, and Merlin twisted his lips, not entirely believing him, but appreciating what he was trying to do.

Then Arthur took a step back, and stuck his hand out between them. To shake hands like equals, like friends.

Merlin took his hand, callused from sword play, as his own was callused from work, and shook it firmly. They nodded to each other.

"It's been an honour." Arthur said, and Merlin remembered his goodbye atop the battlements back in Camelot. He'd said those words to Arthur, meaning them entirely. To hear them said back... He didn't know how to respond save another nod. He hoped it conveyed all he wanted it to.

Arthur seemed to understand, nodding back, before turning to pick up his gloves.

The exchange served to lessen Merlin's fears, and as he turned back to the table, his face was determined.

"Whatever happens out there, please don't think any differently of me." _Don't think we're not friends anymore, don't think I've betrayed you, don't think I'm evil. _

"I won't." Arthur replied, and Merlin turned back around to see his face. "It's all right to be scared, Merlin."

Merlin stood still. "That's not what I meant."

Something in his tone seemed to catch Arthur's notice, and he turned back to Merlin, curiously. 'What is it?" Merlin opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. Arthur looked at him expectantly now, not sure what Merlin was trying to do. "If you've got something to say, now's the time to say it."

How easy would it be? To just let his eyes flash gold, to pluck the still unworn glove from Arthur's hand, and let it flap about. Arthur would know. The secret that hung over his head _every day_ would be lifted. He'd be able to stop hiding from the person he wanted least to keep secrets from.

The possibility that Arthur would not accept him, that he'd tell him to leave or take him home and lock him in the dungeons to be executed, now seemed impossibly small. Arthur was his friend! Merlin opened his mouth once more, letting magic build inside him for a practical demonstration, and-

"Arthur," Morgana's voice cut through his thoughts like icy water. Arthur turned, giving his attention to her report. "They've crossed the river."

Merlin's shoulders slumped as Arthur left with her without a backwards glance. He watched them go, frowning in disappointment. He'd been so close!

He sighed, and looked at the sword in his hands. Blade it was then, rather than magic. He drew the weapon, hearing the familiar ring of metal against the sheath. Then, with the sword in hand, and magic in his heart, he followed his prince to the battle field.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N: **Posting this tonight, because I'm joining the protest against the American censorship bill by not going on the internet tomorrow for Black Out Day (though I'll have to get on my school stuff). So I'll be absent tomorrow. Enjoy this chapter!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Merlin tried to get his stomach to settle as Arthur gave quick orders, and as people fell to follow them. He truly was in his element. Arthur was a great warrior, and a great leader. Merlin lined up with the others as Arthur went down the queue, reassuring and shaking hands, doing so much to calm the hearts of his neighbors and friends.<p>

"You ready?" He asked Conall. He nodded, and Arthur moved on, clapping hands to shoulders. He came to Gwen, standing next to Merlin, and paused.

"You frightened?" Arthur asked, shaking her hand. Gwen gave him an unreadable look, shaking her head, with her jaw set.

"Not in the slightest." She turned then, towards her assigned task in the battle. Merlin put that slightly strange encounter from his mind as Arthur grabbed his shoulder, and they went off to their own tasks.

Their plan was a simple one: trap, distract and divide to make the party of bandits easier to take with their small numbers, and lack of those with great skill in fighting. It unnerved Merlin that he was considered one of the trained ones...

Arthur led Merlin over to the edge of a building, his sword drawn in his hand. They leaned down, trying to avoid attention as they peered through the wooden fencing towards the edge of the woods in the direction the raiders were coming from, and Merlin watched the trees for the slightest sign of movement. A glance at Arthur showed him doing the same thing.

Tension tightened the muscles in Merlin's back, as he waited with held breath for the moment Kanen and his men would arrive.

The silence was suddenly broken by a shout, and Kanen's horsemen appeared through the tree line, galloping towards the village as if the wolves of hell were behind them. Merlin had startled badly when they appeared, and now he watched as they rode closer, drawing their swords.

Arthur and Merlin were visible where they stood, the fence did little to hide them, so Merlin didn't take telling twice when Arthur grabbed his arm, and they ran to a more covered spot, before the raiders got too close. Their whole plan would be blown if Kanen caught sight of them before the time was right.

They joined the line of villagers behind the stone building, watching, unmoving, as rough men rode through the village, bursting through the fence lines, and entering the centre of the square.

"Hold," Arthur murmured, for the men weren't in place yet. "No one moves until I give the signal."

Finally Kanen and his men seemed to realize there was something strange going one: no movement, no sounds, no screams. Kanen pulled his horse to a stop in the middle of town, waving to his men to look around, and removing his face covering to get a better look. The town was silent, and all those who watched did so from around buildings and through crevices. Kanen could see none of them.

"Hold," Arthur breathed again, and Merlin swallowed, the wait worse than the fight would be. His stomach churned with nerves, and he kept his eyes on Kanen; the man who'd threatened his home, hurt his mother, killed his friends. His nerves lessened.

Kanen was wheeling around, staring at the empty village.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." He sang, a slight smile on his face as he thought of those silly villagers trying to defy him. There was a moment of quiet.

Then, Gwen's voice rang out, and order to pull. The hidden wall raised up when she did, and the slats that had lain on the ground covered with straw became a enclosure, like the type used for horses, save it was in the middle of the village. The raiders were surprised, their horses startling at the sudden barriers that surrounded them.

A moment later, the wall of fire they'd set up was supposed to scare the horses the other way, trapping them. But the seconds passed, and there was no fire.

"Now, Morgana, what are you waiting for?" Arthur ground out tensely. Merlin glanced over at Morgana's area, though he couldn't see the woman herself. "Something's gone wrong."

Those had been Merlin's thoughts exactly, and Arthur's words spurred him to action. He dove out from their cover, and ran full pelt to Morgana, ignoring Arthur's whispered shout of his name.

He could tell the moment he got into the open, feeling like there was a target painted upon his back. The raiders thought so too.

"There's one! Get him!" Came the shouts, and then Merlin heard the familiar sound a crossbow being released. He ducked, and his magic instinctively slowed time enough for him to see the bolt fly over his head. A second one he dodged the same way, though this one was much closer to his stomach than the last one.

Merlin kept running, grasping his sword, and hoping he didn't trip and impale himself on it. He was gasping now, running in chain mail was not something he was used to, and dodging arrows was something he didn't want to get used to.

Finally Morgana's hunched back came into view. She was panicking, still trying desperately to light the flame. She started when he came up behind her, but Merlin gave her no time to recover.

"Give me the flint." He ordered, holding out his hands, and she obeyed him without question, gratefully pushing them over. He took her place, as she took cover behind him. Good, that avoided awkward questions when his eyes went suddenly gold.

He clicked the flint for effect, but it was too slow for his tastes. Holding out a hand, Merlin whispered a spell.

"_Baerne_" The flames sparked into life, and leapt up, rushing down the line of powder, and creating the wall of flames, just as they'd planned. Horses reared, and men cried out. Merlin heard Kanen shouting something, probably calls for his men to stay, but most seemed to be ignoring them.

Some did follow Kanen's orders, unfortunately, and Merlin watched, panting from his run, as riders skirted the flames, and entered the rest of the village. However, the bones of their plan had worked: now they were scattered, spooked, and half were running from the leaping flames. They could come out this day victorious.

There was pause as the raiders got closer to where Merlin knew Arthur and the others were hiding. Then,

"NOW!" Arthur yelled, and the men and women answered from across the villager, screaming battle cries and emerging from hiding. Merlin and Morgana leapt from their place, and ran out, swords held high. Suddenly the raiders were surrounded, and these villagers were ready for a fight.

Raiders were already engaging villagers in battle when Merlin charged in. His sword was tight in his hand, and his heart was pumping fiercely, but he no longer felt afraid. It was on the edge of the square that a raider turned towards him, and noticed the skinny chainmail clad man running towards him. Merlin wasn't aiming to pass by him so closely, in fact, he actually wanted to avoid him, and get closer to Arthur, but the other man's sword swung out, and Merlin barely ducked, raising his blade in near panic. The sword hit his, as hard as Arthur's had ever done, and Merlin felt a rush of relief that maybe this wouldn't be that different from sword practice with Arthur.

Merlin's pause let the other man swing back, and attack again, which again Merlin barely avoided. Focus, Merlin! He told himself.

The man attacked ferociously, seeming to realize he was a inexperienced swordsman at the best of time, and a flurry of blows rained down. Merlin blocked again, the jolts hammering up his arm each time. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his friends fighting hard as well, Arthur holding his own, and giving back tenfold, as usual, Morgana living up to her claims, and Gwen a menace with her own weapon.

The raider he fought was skilled, and it was all Merlin could do to duck and dodge the blows. Merlin's breath came in gasps as he swung back, the blades clashing together. The other man's eyes widened in surprise that he'd fight back, but Merlin could not let him win. He gripped his sword in two hands, and raised his arms for another blow, trying to knock the man out, or slice his neck or something...The man didn't block, but took his opening, swinging the sword into Merlin's side, but Merlin's sword impacted with the raiders neck at the same moment. Blood spattered from the slice, while Merlin took the aborted hit, the flat of the blade slamming into his ribs, fortunately not penetrating the mail, but that would bruise.

The hot liquid flecked Merlin's face as he tugged his sword free, letting the body fall gracelessly to the ground. He stared at the man, what was left of him, and he felt that perhaps he should be more upset. But he'd killed before, and he would kill again, probably today, and there was no time. He wiped his face, and ran off, towards the rest of the melee.

A quick glance around showed that Arthur was still fighting strongly, and his mother was alright, swinging a broom for all it was worth.

Another man ran up to him, and Merlin turned quickly attacking this time. He was able to parry the blade, and after a few swings, take an opening and stab the man through the heart. He fell, and Merlin looked with a sort of sickening pride at his blade. His blood sang with adrenalin, and the fight was coming to a head, Merlin could feel it.

He had a moment where no one was near him, and the sudden quiet in the midst of the battle field was strange. Merlin stared, panting, at the rest of his village, until the sounds a hoof beats reached his ears, coming from behind him, and approaching at a rapid pace. Then a shout, and the sound of a body falling, before he could even process the thought to turn around.

There was Will, bludgeoning the rider who'd been about to attack him, and stealing his sword. Will, who he'd thought had left, had saved his life. Will stood, and gripped the sword, more naturally than he'd ever done, for all his fights with Arthur, and backed over to him, still on the lookout. Merlin felt a smile break across his face.

"I didn't think you were coming!" Will returned his smile.

"Neither did I." They nodded to each other, and then they were surrounded by raiders again. Back to back, Will and Merlin fought the men. Merlin parried, and attacked, feeling Wills movements as he did the same, perhaps less technique than Merlin had, but he had the raw grace, that Arthur looked for in the knights of Camelot. He took after his father, for sure. Their opponents fell almost at the same time, either dead or knocked out, and then Merlin and Will were able to look around once more.

Kanen, was calling attention to himself, still on horseback, and barreling through the lines of men, swinging an axe with heavy, powerful blows. Men fell one by one.

The tide of the battle seemed to have shifted at some point, and Merlin could see the desperation slowly filling the villagers faces, and the surprise filtering out of the raiders. Their tricks at the beginning, trying to throw them off balance, had only irritated them, nothing more. Now the people fought bravely, but they were losing hope.

"There's too many of them." Will said, echoing Merlin's thoughts, as he'd always done.

There _was_ too many. Too many for a small gathering of feisty villagers who refuse to give up. The raiders were overcome them, and many if not all, would die, if only for the crime of defying Kanen. It was time.

"Not for me there isn't." Merlin glanced backwards for a second, seeing Arthur engaged with another man. He would be too busy to see. Merlin couldn't decide if he was relieved or disappointed with that. Internally shaking his head, he cleared his thoughts, raising his hand and letting the magic that he'd had at his disposal since birth flow through him. He muttered an incantation, his powers instinctively doing what needed to be done, a scare tactic, but one that would work.

"_Cume theoden_,"

At his feet a small whirlwind kicked up the straw. It began to grow larger, blowing dust into their faces. Merlin strengthened the wind, raising his hand and letting it swell until a twisting dust storm encompassed the square they stood in, blowing his hair back, and making his eyes sting. People were starting to notice, and horses neighed and reared in fear. Straw and dust filled the air, making seeing difficult. It grew strong enough to throw a full grown man to the ground, and that was when the raiders realized something was going on that they did not understand. They began to run, and the villagers, elated, gave chase, waving brooms and sticks and shouting threats if they ever came back, laughing and cheering.

"Pendragon!" An angry voice roared from behind him, causing Merlin, Will and to his surprise Arthur, who was almost directly behind him, turn. It was Kanen, stalking towards them, swinging his axe. He tore off his cloak, preparing for hand to hand combat. Arthur responded to his unspoken challenge, raising his sword, and arcing it around his wrist, settling into a fighting stance. Kanen removed his helmet to match Arthur's bare golden head.

There was a moment's pause, and then Kanen stepped forwards, throwing his momentum into an overhead swing, bringing his axe crashing down towards Arthur's head. Arthur dodged, and then ducked another blow from the other side, bringing his shield up. Then, with a shove and some quick footwork, Arthur was on the opposite side, and Kanen was off balance. He tried for another swing, but Arthur disarmed him of the heavy axe, causing it to clatter to the ground.

Then, Kanen regained his footing well enough to plant a strong kick to Arthur's chest, sending him staggering backwards. That gave Kanen enough time to tug a sword free from a fallen raider's sheath. He met Arthur's swing, and they parried and struck for a second, finding a rhythm. Then Arthur caught Kanen's sword hand in a circular motion, Merlin had had used on him many a time, and never failed to disarm.

But Kanen stomped his foot, jamming Arthur's own sword, holding it motionless. Arthur struggled for a moment, breaking into a growl. Kanen shoved at Arthur with a shoulder, and Arthur burst free of his hold, arms pin wheeling for a split second to regain his balance.

Kanen charged towards him, and Arthur knocked his shield against Kanen's blade a few times, blocking angry blows. Kanen seemed to be growing desperate-with good reason, Arthur was probably the best swordsman in the kingdom. Every swing, Arthur halted, and then Kanen made a fatal mistake. He raised his sword to try for one more attack, leaving his side wide open...Arthur took it.

Arthur's sword slid easily through Kanen's leather armour, and with a grunt, Kanen paused in shock. Then Kanen's back arched in pain, even as Arthur pulled his sword out. The raider stayed standing for a few moments, then slowly, almost gracefully, if such a word could be applied to such a man, he sank to his knees, then fully to his stomach. Arthur watched him fall, still breathing heavily, until the man was limp. Then his eyes turned to Merlin and Will, who still stood, watching.

"Who did that?" His voice was sharp, face twisted in anger, disbelief. He stalked towards them, still holding his bloodied sword and shield.

"What?" Merlin wondered if his face was as pale as he thought it was, because he felt like he was going to faint. Panic, and fear fluttered in his breast, his stomach was trying to rise up into his throat. Still he found the presence of mind to attempt to discover how much Arthur had seen.

"Wind like that doesn't just appear from nowhere." Arthur continued, coming closer until he was standing directly in front of the two of them. Merlin attempted to keep his breathing steady. He hadn't thought Arthur would sound or look this _angry_. "I know magic when I see it." He was looking between him and Will now, trying to figure out which of them was the lying magic user. Merlin swallowed.

Then tearing his eyes from the ground, he met Arthur's gaze, which took considerably more effort than he remembered it taking before this day, Merlin opened his mouth.

"Arthur," Arthur's eyes widened, his mouth was open. Shock, surprise, anger, betrayal...Merlin fancied he saw all of those flash through the prince's face in that split second. He tried to finish, tried to say _I'm the sorcerer..._ but no words came, his throat felt stuck.

Then Will, who up to now had stayed silent, suddenly gave a shout. His quick eyes had seen something neither warlock nor prince had caught, and moved immediately to action. Merlin was right, Will had taken after his father.

"Look out!" Will ducked forwards, ramming his shoulder into Arthur's side, and shoving him out of the way of what Merlin now saw was a loaded crossbow. Kanen wasn't dead yet, and he was armed.

The bolt flew.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N: **We start to get back to my inserted scenes after this. The popularity of this story seemed to go down at the battle parts, I think I need to work on writing fight scenes. :/ Hope you like this installment! Thank you to those who have reviewed!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Will, still in the act of pushing Arthur to the side, jerked with the hit.<p>

Merlin jerked with him, startled. His mind seemed to take a long while to realize what had happened. In the long seconds after Will was hit, Kanen collapsed, and then the world seemed to rush back to its proper time, roaring in his ears. He vaguely heard someone shout.

"Will!" It was only his own throat burning on the word, that made him realize it was him. He dove forwards, catching Will even before his knees weakened, grabbing his shoulders. His body fell against him, and Merlin lowered him to the ground, wincing at the gasps of pain from Will's mouth.

Arthur, who'd staggered when Will pushed him, urgently knelt before Merlin's friend.

"You saved my life." He said, mild disbelief colouring his words. Will struggled to answer, still gasping.

"Yeah. Dunno what I was thinking."

Merlin barely heard them, his eyes were riveted on the arrow that protruded from Will's chest. He kept looking from that, to Will's white face. Will's head lay against his arm, and it was warm through Merlin's chain mail, warm like the blood that was beginning to dribble from around the arrow shaft.

"Come on! Get him inside!" Arthur yelled for help, putting his arms around Will's shoulders. Two men hurried over, and with their help, Merlin and Arthur lifted Will gently, being careful not to jar the arrow or the wound.

They took him inside Hunith's home, passing by sorrowful villagers. Gwen and Morgana looked on in sadness. As Hunith held open the door, Merlin met her gaze.

"Mother?" He gasped, desperately, pleading. His voice was thick. But she shook her head.

"There is nothing I can do, my son. I have not the skills for such a wound." She said, pain in her voice. Merlin heard the words, and turned his head sharply, disappointment flooding him. His movement brought his eyes in line with the arrow, which jerked with every agonized breath his friend made. A rock stopped up his throat.

By the time they lay Will on the table, he was panting, gasping for breath. His face looked tortured, but calmed when he was finally still, and not being jolted by the men who carried him. He even smiled a bit, addressing Arthur.

"That's twice I've saved you." He said. Arthur looked down at him in confusion.

"Twice?"

Will gave a jerky nod, grimacing again. Merlin felt a slither of ice go down his spine, and he realized what Will was about to do.

"It was me. I'm the one that used the magic." Merlin leaned closer, urgently.

"Will, don't!" Arthur looked at him, but Merlin didn't take his eyes from Will's. _Don't do this, don't take my place..._

"It's alright, Merlin. I won't be alive long enough for anyone to do anything to me." Merlin choked, trying to breathe through the lump in his chest. "I did it." Will gasped. "I saw how desperate things were becoming, and I had to do something."

Arthur was staring at Will in shock. "You're a sorcerer?" Will half laughed, half choked.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do? Kill me?" Will challenged, fighting even on his death bed. Merlin turned and exchanged a look with his mother, wanting her to stop this, to help. But as she'd said, she could do nothing. Then Merlin turned to look at Arthur, but he barely met his gaze.

"No." Arthur murmured, looking down at the wound. "Of course not." It was unspoken, that Will didn't have long for this world anyway, even if Arthur had wanted him dead. The worst he could do it speed up the process.

It seemed all the talking was doing Will more harm than good, for his face screwed up in anguish, and his breaths shortened to quick choked pants. Merlin looked down in mirrored pain, wishing with all his heart that Gaius was here, that he'd been quicker, that Arthur had made sure Kanen was dead. Something that would change the fact that his oldest friend was lying on a table, bleeding and breathing his last few breaths.

Arthur turned to go, to leave Merlin alone with him. He looked at Merlin solemnly.

"Do what you can for him." Merlin could not speak, but he nodded seriously, eyes shimmering with tears.

Before Arthur left, he laid a gloved hand on Will's shoulder, a steady grip the thank you he could not say. Then he left, drawing Gwen and Morgana with him. Hunith turned to follow, though she watched as her son wiped his eyes before turning his full attention back to Will.

Will was still struggling to breath, but he had enough to chuckle again, looking up at Merlin with a smile.

"Told you he was going to get me killed." He said. Merlin's breath caught, and he leaned urgently closer, laying a hand on Will's brown hair.

"You're not going to die." Merlin protested, even as his own thoughts told him he was a liar.

"You're a good man, Merlin. A great man." Merlin stroked his hair, his fingers barely feeling the soft locks. The cold terror seemed to permeate his entire body. "And one day, you're going to be servant to a great king. Now you can still make that happen."

"Thanks to you." Merlin could barely force out. Will looked at him, telling him no gratitude was needed. Then the pain increased, and his face spasmed in pain, his breath catching. New tears filled Merlin's eyes, and he stroked Will's hair some more, hoping it brought some small comfort.

"This place has been boring without you." Will said, "Good to see you again."

Merlin nodded, a weak smile turning his lips. "Yeah, you too." He breathed.

The pain was getting worse, and it became difficult for Will to even breath, he struggled to meet Merlin's eyes, twitching in the pain. "Merlin..." He ground out. "Merlin, I'm scared."

Merlin almost sobbed, choking, the words coming out without thought. "Don't be," Merlin put a hand to Will's chest, feeling it strain to force air in and out. "It's going to be alright."

"Merlin..." A few sob like sounds forced their way out of Will's lips, and Merlin gently moved the hand on Will's hair, his own face screwed up in pain and sorrow. He could barely see through his tears, though they had yet to fall.

Then, after one more breath, Will's face relaxed. No more air strained his lungs, and he stared at the ceiling unblinking. He looked calm now, as the life and pain fled his body.

By contrast, Merlin's face grew more agonized, his whole body shaking, as he looked at the body of his friend. He let out a gasp, then a sob. He was still stroking Will's hair. Then Merlin bowed his head and wept.

_Merlin was always careful with his magic. He had grown up keeping secrets, and it was almost easy to keep things, the biggest thing from people he was friends with. To him, friendship was almost one sided, they would trust him with their secrets (and really, people were always telling him their secrets) while no one ever got to hear his. _

_That is, until Will wriggled his way into Merlin's life. _

_He'd been a friend for years, and he always had a way of getting into places he shouldn't be. Merlin just never realized that would mean in his confidence. _

_It was a normal day like any other. How many times do stories begin like that? Merlin was humming, sitting under a tree, carving a little toy (a little boy down the road was having a birthday). He rubbed out the roughness of the wood with the edge of the knife, then, used magic to smooth it out completely. He didn't want the child getting splinters, after all. No one could have seen it, eyes flashed gold but had been downcast, and the trick was nothing at all. He didn't know any actual spells, but he could get certain things to do what he wanted, wood included. _

_That wasn't his mistake that day. _

_The next thing he did was set the small carving on the tree root next to him. The wooden toy soared around his head, while he laughed. It was a bird, and he made it do what birds naturally do, just for the joy of it. _

_However, wooden toys don't naturally fly around men's head, and Merlin's observer knew this. _

_Will stepped out of the forest, towards Merlin's tree, an unreadable look on his face. Merlin jumped at the interruption, and the toy fell, but nothing could change the fact that it fell from thin air. The other boy walked up, until he was standing in front of Merlin, glaring down at him. Merlin looked up at him, not daring to break the silence. Will bent, and picked up the toy, examining it from every angle. _

_"You're a sorcerer." Will stated, not looking up, and Merlin said nothing save for a slight shrug. He'd never really thought of himself as one, at least not like the ones in those stories people tell in whispers. Will nodded, still peering at the toy, as if it held all the answers. "My father says that we don't want that kind around here. That we're too close to Camelot, and King Uther, and that that kind will just get everyone around them killed." _

_The blood ran from Merlin's face, and he hung his head. Stricken, he watched the ground, and waited for Will to run, to get his father (who was a knight, and much bigger than Merlin, even if he wasn't as tall. Not many people were, for at Merlin's sixteen years, he'd passed almost every man in the village, save Conall the blacksmith). But Will didn't move, and daring a peek, Merlin met his eyes. They were twinkling. _

_"What? You're not going to..." Will caught Merlin up in a hug then, pounding him on the back, and laughing. _

_"What, tell my father?" Will returned, falling back and sitting on his haunches. He put one hand to his chest, and looked at Merlin mournfully. "What kind of man do you take me for?" _

_"So you'll keep my secret?" Merlin asked, almost in wonder. He'd never felt this free before. Someone else knew about his magic, and was promising to keep it a secret too. Will pretended to think hard. _

_"On one condition." Merlin looked at him, slightly worriedly. "Show me something!"_

_Merlin laughed, and blew up the leaves around them into a small whirlwind, Will's own laughter ringing in his ears. _

*~*~*~*  
>Hunith returned to find Merlin slumped, kneeling on the ground. His head leaned on the table leg, the table which bore the body of his oldest friend. He didn't move, or look up when she quietly entered the room, stepping up to the table. Will was dead, his eyes had been closed, and his face was peaceful. Hunith was grateful for that, she'd seen how painful Will's final moments were, and she was glad that a reminder of that did not carry on after his death. She placed her hand on his still chest, wincing at the arrow that still protruded, and then gave a heavy sigh.<p>

Will was dead, and however much she hadn't been particularly fond of him in later years, she was sorry for his passing, not only because of the pain it would cause her son. Allowing herself a small moment of mourning, she turned her attentions to the living.

Merlin didn't move as she came around the table, and knelt next to him. Close up, she could see that his eyes were dry, though his face bore traces of tears. He stared at the ground, unblinking. Gently she came closer, and lay a hand on his shoulder.

A great shuddering breath jerked Merlin's frame, and he turned his eyes to hers. The blue she'd passed down to him were rapidly filling.

"Oh, Mother..." He whispered brokenly. Hunith wrapped her arms around him, and he clung to her, sobbing anew.

Hunith's eyes filled as well, and she pressed kisses to the top of her boy's head, her heart aching with Merlin's pain. How long ago it seemed since the worst thing in the world was a scrape on the knee, and how she wished she could make this all better with an embrace. But, Merlin had grown since then, and the world was not an easy place.

"Oh, my Merlin. My sweet boy. I'm sorry, it will be alright..." She murmured to him for a long while, until his cries quieted, and he leaned limply against her.

A noise from the doorway drew her head up, though Merlin did not react. A very awkward looking Prince Arthur stood, watching the scene inside uncomfortably. Hunith hid a slight smile, for Arthur did not look like he came for any real purpose other than to see how Merlin was, and now that he'd come, he looked like he wished passionately that he was anywhere else.

Slowly, she withdrew one arm from around Merlin, and titled his head up, so his eyes could meet hers. They were so full of pain, so tired that her heart clenched again with her son's hurt, wishing she could take it for him.

"Merlin, dear. Why don't you go get a drink of water? I'll gather some women to prepare Will for the funeral." Her voice was gentle, but his eyes still closed tightly when she mentioned Will. But he nodded, and shakily got to his feet. Merlin barely seemed to notice Arthur, still standing in the doorway. He walked passed in a daze, heading to the well. Arthur turned to follow him, but Hunith felt a sudden urge to call him back.

"Arthur." She called, still kneeling on the floor. Arthur turned, coming closer, and lending her a hand to rise. Standing, she then faced the prince, unashamedly studying him. His face was pale, brow drawn. Hunith smiled, for this young man carried the weight of so many expectations, and responsibilities, and he carried it with grace and strength far beyond his years. He'd done well today, but lives had been lost, and Hunith could tell it sat heavily on him. When he was king, there would truly be a great time in the Kingdom. Who was she to witness such a great man, caring so deeply for her small village that his face grew pale with concern?

She looked to where her son had vanished, and saw Arthur's eyes flick that way as well. Some of that probably had to do with her son, who seemed to find a place in people's hearts so deeply. Arthur, she knew, cared for him, considered him his friend. She was not blind, even though her son denied he was anything more than a servant to the prince.

But it was more than just loyalty to Merlin that led Arthur to stay here, and invest his time, and heart in a people who were not even part of his own kingdom. He, himself, could not allow innocent people to suffer if he could help them. In that, he was so like Merlin.

She felt proud to know them both.

Arthur, who'd waited for her to speak, was now staring at her curiously.

"Merlin gives me just the same look," He murmured, and Hunith smiled. "Will you tell me what it means?"

"Perhaps you should ask him?" Hunith said, breaking her gaze, and brushing bits of debris off her dress. Arthur snorted, and rubbed his eyes.

"You're both impossible." He said mournfully. Hunith shrugged good naturedly. Then she sobered.

"He'll return with you to Camelot." She murmured. Arthur, who'd been turning to go, looked back, surprised.

"He said-?"

Hunith shook her head, "No, but he won't stay here. He needs to be in the city. He needs Gaius, and Gwen and Morgana. And you, sire, though he won't say it." Arthur didn't answer, but held her gaze. "And you need him."

A flicker of amusement passed over Arthur's face, and for a moment Hunith was sure he'd make some quip about getting dressed or doing chores, but it faded, and it was with a solemn look that Arthur simply nodded.

"Look after him?" Hunith asked.

"I will."

Hunith smiled back gently, and Arthur left silently.


	15. Chapter 15

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** So, I'm uploading tonight, instead of the planned tomorrow solely because of **ArodieltheElfofRohan, **who left me a plethora of reviews while catching up on my story, and made my night with her kind words. Shout out to her :D

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Arthur wasn't sure how he was supposed to "look after" Merlin if he couldn't even find him? He had wandered all over the town, and hadn't seen head nor tail of the errant manservant.<p>

He passed by Morgana and Gwen, who were milling around outside the centre building. They looked worried. He paused.

"Have you seen Merlin pass by?" Arthur asked, pretending, though to whom he did not know, that he'd not been looking for the boy the whole time he'd wandered the town. Morgana spoke in a low tone.

"He passed a while ago, but Arthur, he looked so upset. What happened to his friend?" Morgana asked, concern creasing her brow. Gwen echoed her look. Arthur sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He's gone."

Their faces fell.

"Poor Merlin," Gwen murmured, looking as though she wanted to give him a hug. Arthur nodded, not knowing what to say. They stood in silence for a moment. Then Arthur stepped away.

"I need to find him." He said, but Morgana put a hand on his arm.

"Arthur, he may only want to be alone. I know how he feels." Arthur frowned, remembering when Morgana had first come to Camelot, after her father had been killed. She'd indeed spent many hours alone, snapping angrily at anyone who came near her. But he couldn't picture Merlin like that. He pressed a hand to hers, and then pulled away.

"I'll ask him, and if he wants to be alone, then I'll let him. But I won't have him think he has to be alone."

Morgana tilted her head. "That's surprisingly perceptive of you, Arthur."

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Thanks," Gwen simply shook her head.

Arthur went to leave again, but this time Gwen stopped him.

"Give him our best wishes, Arthur?"

Arthur nodded, and they smiled at him as he walked off.

Of course, to do all that, first Arthur had to find him.

Arthur searched for a good few hours, during which time the injured were treated, the three people killed, including Will, were prepared for the pyres, and men started gathering wood. The village was proving their strength in putting their lives back together. Arthur still hadn't found Merlin, and he was getting annoyed. First he'd kept the true nature of his friend from him, and now he was hiding. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Arthur knew he was being unfair, that Merlin had just lost his childhood friend, no matter said friend's true nature, and to leave him be. But Arthur had told Hunith he'd look after Merlin, and how was he supposed to do that if he wouldn't let him, dammit?

Teeth clenched, suppressing his annoyance, he finally gave up, and went to help build the pyre for the bodies. Will's was the last to be completed. A completely inexcusable though came to his head, given the circumstances, that burning was appropriate for a sorcerer. It seemed to come in his father's voice. Arthur shook his head, feeling disloyal to Merlin, and then his father in turns.

At some point, Arthur was never quite sure when, Merlin turned up, lifting beams of wood in silence beside him. Arthur wanted to ask him where the hell he'd been, but no one else was talking, and so he kept his peace. He resolved to wait until later to speak to him.

After the pyre had been constructed, Merlin vanished again, heading into town. Arthur went to follow, until he realized that Merlin was walking with a few other men to collect the bodies.

The first to burn Matthew, killed before the fighting started while on sentry duty. He'd spent his last moments protecting his village, and Arthur felt true sorrow at his death, for he'd seen the man's bravery. Matthew's family watched in silence, his wife Brigid, and a small boy. The next was the blacksmith, a tall man named Conall, who'd fought bravely, and shown true skill with the sword. Arthur watched in silence.

Then they carried in Will, who'd been prepared and wrapped as the others, up on their shoulders. Merlin walked in the front, holding Will's head. His face was expressionless, but his eyes were red with recent tears.

The procession led the way out to the field, and the entire village gathered to pay their respects to the recent deaths. Merlin and the others lay Will gently atop the pile of logs, and stepped back. Silence fell. Then Merlin stepped forwards.

"Will was my best friend." Merlin's voice was quiet, almost choked. "And a good man. I'll miss him..." Merlin broke off, his head bowed. Others stepped forwards also, speaking of good times, but Arthur only watched Merlin, struggling to keep himself together. Shaking his head, he made his way through the crowd to stand next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, comforting him the only way he knew how.

Then, they lit the flames, and Will's body began to burn. Merlin had regained control, and simply watched as his friend was taken by the fire. Arthur stood beside him.

A while later, Arthur broke the silence.

"I'm sorry. I know he was a close friend." Arthur murmured, not knowing what else to say, and hating how formal his voice sounded. He knew not how to be comforting and calming like Morgana could be.

"He still is." Merlin said quietly. Arthur bowed his head a little. Then the question he'd been wondering all this time simply fell out of his lips, his earlier anger coming back, no matter how the rest of his brain told him that this was no proper time for this.

"You knew he was a sorcerer, didn't you." He remembered Merlin speaking when he'd asked who'd conjured that wind, how his heart fell to the bottom of his shoes when he'd said Arthur's name. He'd been sure that Merlin was about to tell him it was he who was the sorcerer. "That's what you were going to tell me." It wasn't a question, because it could not be.

"Yes." Merlin said, voice toneless. "It was."

Arthur frowned, even as relief filled his belly. Merlin wasn't the sorcerer, but his friend had been. Growing up, Merlin had been under his influence; he was definitely sympathetic to it. Arthur had seen the evils of magic, and it worried him that Merlin had accepted a person who practiced it as his best friend.

"You know how dangerous magic is." Arthur warned, worry warring with anger. "You shouldn't have kept this from me, Merlin."

Merlin didn't respond, staring into the flames. Arthur belatedly realized that perhaps he should have saved his anger, and spoken to Merlin later, not at Will's actual funeral. But the deed was done. The least he could do now was to leave Merlin alone with his thoughts.  
>Arthur turned, and walked across the crowd to where Morgana and Gwen stood. Their faces were sad, and worried.<p>

"How is he?" Gwen asked, eyes flicking to Merlin. Arthur glanced back, and saw that Hunith was talking to him now, and felt relieved. She'd know what to say.

"He's ...grieving." Arthur said.

"Understandably." Morgana said quickly. Arthur nodded, wondering if he should tell them about Will's magic. He decided against it, it wasn't his secret to tell, and it wasn't as if he'd be a danger now. He had a passing thought about what he'd do if Will had lived, and Arthur had learned about his magic. Will didn't live in Camelot, and Cenred had no such laws against magic, so legally he was bound to do nothing. But morally? Could he have left Hunith, and the rest of the village within the reach of a magic user, even one living in secret? He did not know.

People were beginning to leave, going back to their lives. This small village was strong, and wouldn't let death or trials affect them for long. Arthur turned with them; the men would need help putting the town to rights after the battle. Their work was not yet done.

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><p>After his words, Arthur left his side. Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. Though he didn't mean them to, Arthur had cut him to the quick, and he didn't know if he'd hid his wince well enough. <em>You shouldn't have kept this from me...<em> He was still keeping it. Arthur had not reacted as he'd hoped, and it wasn't even his magic that had been confessed. Will, taking his place, had given him a glimpse of how Arthur would react. If Merlin had told him the truth...he didn't want to think what would have happened.

No. Though it hurt to think of the lie continuing forevermore, Merlin knew he could not tell Arthur. It hurt, it crushed him, but there was no other way. To keep fulfilling his destiny was to keep himself a secret. That was that.

His mother walked closer, laying a hand on his back, and the other on his arm. Merlin didn't look at her, but leaned slightly into the touch.

"You'd better be going." Hunith said softly. Merlin felt her words rush through him, surprise, and then resistance filling him. He didn't want to leave. He'd intended to stay, even said goodbye to Arthur. But that seemed ages ago, and only moments before he'd been thinking of his destiny at Arthur's side. He couldn't have both. But, it was his mother. Now more than ever, he wanted to stay with her, to put his head down on her shoulder and never move.

"I don't have to go." Merlin murmured, still looking at the flames. Hunith moved her hand to grip his arm.

"Yes, you do." She said firmly. Merlin turned to her, seeing her earnest face. What would he have done if it were her who'd been killed today? She had been fighting too. He'd been here, and he'd not even protected her. He should have stopped her from fighting. And now, if he left her alone...

"If anything were to happen to you..." _I wouldn't be able to bear it. _

Hunith leaned closer, peering up at him.

"I know where to find you. She said, a watery smile gracing her lips. "You have to go, Merlin."

Merlin saw then that it was just as hard for her to let him leave, as it was for him to go. In a perfect world, they would not have to be separated. But that could not be. Merlin sighed in defeat.

"You belong at Arthur's side," Hunith continued. "I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him." Merlin glanced at the prince, standing a ways away and speaking with Gwen and Morgana. He couldn't imagine what his mother saw that would make her think Arthur needs him, (aside from saving his life, and destiny, which neither his mother nor Arthur knew about) but Merlin admitted that he rather liked having Arthur in his life. There had been genuine sorrow at the thought of leaving for good.

"You're like two sides of the same coin." His mother then finished, and Merlin looked at her strangely, hearing the echo of the Great Dragon's words in hers.

"I've heard someone say that about us before." A small incredulous smile spread his lips.  
>Well, then. He was leaving. Again it was deemed that Camelot was the better place for him, and who was he to refuse? Still...<p>

"I'm going to miss you." He leaned into her, smelling her familiar scent, hugging her tightly. She half laughed, half cried, smiling into his shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you too."

They stood embracing for another moment, then Hunith pulled away, fingering the lapels of his old coat.

"When you left, you were just a boy." She said, gazing lovingly at him. "Now look at you. I'm so proud of you."

Merlin smiled slightly, and then she tipped his head down to place a firm kiss on his forehead. Her love for him soothed his heart, and Merlin was able to smile fully when she pulled away.

"Now, you'll need provisions for your journey back." Hunith said, beginning to lead him away, back to town. He held back, and she looked at him questioningly. Merlin gave her a helpless half smile.

"I'll be along in a few minutes, alright?" Merlin said. Hunith's gaze softened, and she nodded gently.

"Of course, love." She turned to the village. Merlin watched her go, then turned back to the pyre, watching the flames. He didn't want to stay too long, but since there'd been so much talk after the funeral proper, Merlin wanted a moment to actually say goodbye.

Will had been his best friend, one of the few who knew his secret. They'd had so much _fun._

It hadn't lasted, and they had not parted on the best of terms. But there were years of fond memories. Before…

_Will's father, Wilbur, was a strong man, and had taught Will much, though he'd sloughed most of it off, preferring instead to make trouble. Wilbur was a knight, like his father before him, and he deeply desired Will to follow in his footsteps. Will wasn't interested. Will wasn't interested in much of anything, to tell the truth. Wilbur never knew what to do with him, especially since Will's mother had died when he was ten. _

_Then Cenred, the King went to war with a neighboring country. Wilbur didn't come back. _

_Merlin woke to frantic pounding on his door, and he quickly untangled himself from his blankets to get the door before it could wake his mother. He pulled it open to find Will, red eyed and scowling. He stepped out and pulled the door shut behind him. He shivered a bit, wishing he had thought to put on his coat, for the early spring nights were not warm. _

_"Will?" He asked softly, wrapping his arms around himself. He noticed that Will wasn't wearing his coat either. 'What's wrong"_

_Will seemed to be fighting for control, his fingers clentching again and again around a folded parchment. Merlin forgot his shivers as his concern increased. _

_"Will, what's happened?"_

_Will sucked in a shuddering breath, and rounded on Merlin. The intensity in his eyes startled him. _

_"I need you to use your magic, Merlin. I need you to bring him...back." Will voice cracked on the last word, and Merlin grabbed his friend's arms, forcing him to focus. _

_"Who back, Will? What's going on?" _

_Will swallowed, looking to the sky, where the stars were out with a vengeance. _

_"My father's dead, Merlin." He whispers, and then choked, his hand going to cover his mouth. Merlin looked at him in shock. Wilbur was dead? Then the rest of Will's plea registered, and Merlin realized what Will was asking him to do. _

_"Bring him back to me, Merlin. He's all I have." Merlin felt tears of sympathy fill his eyes, his __mouth twisted, but he made no answer. Will shook him, thinking he hadn't heard, or hadn't understood. _

_"Please Merlin, use your magic? Can't you use your magic to do this one thing. Bring him back for me, Merlin!" _

_Merlin closed his eyes, then opened then to look at Will in anguish. _

_"I'm so sorry, Will. I can't."_

_Will slumped, seeing the truth in Merlin's eyes, then perked up again. "You mean, you don't know how? Well, we'll find some spell books, something. I'll help you learn." _

_But Merlin was already shaking his head. _

_"I wouldn't, even if I could." Will stared at him. _

_"What do you mean?" _

_"It just...isn't right. The world doesn't work that way." How could Merlin explain the wrongness he felt when thinking about raising someone from the dead? About changing nature so drastically?_

_Will mouth worked as he shook his head, backing away from Merlin. _

_"No." He got out. "No, you're just too afraid. Afraid of your own power. You could do great things, and all you do is tricks. You could help people, help your friends, but instead you just hide away with your mother and let the world go by. I came to you, cause I thought that you'd help me. I kept your secret for all those years, and this is how you repay me?" Merlin winced at Will's words, and Will shot to his feet, pacing in front of the step they sat on. "You're a filthy coward, Merlin." _

_Will disappeared into the dark. Merlin jumped up, shouting heedless of the sleeping village. _

_"No, Will, please!" But what he was asking was a mystery even to him. Will did not return._

_Merlin stared after him, the place he'd vanished slowly blurring under the film of tears. Will's words echoed around his head. Then, the door behind him jerked open, causing Merlin to startle around, nearly falling over in fright. _

_"Mother!" He exclaimed. Hunith's face was impassive, and she beckoned him inside. Merlin walked past her slowly, feeling a cloud of tension in the room, even more than it had been on the step. Hunith shut the door behind her, and leaned against it for a moment, before turning around to face her son. _

_"So, Will knows about you?" Merlin realized with a cascade of ice down his spine, that his mother had heard their conversation. "Merlin, you know how important it is to keep your magic a secret!"_

_Merlin's hands were shaking, the combination of his argument with Will, and now his mother's lecture were making his emotions swirl uncomfortably. He fought the desire to run. _

_"He wouldn't tell anyone!" Merlin said sharply, while, feeling like he was betraying his only friend, the thought floated …_would he_? _

_"You don't know that!" Hunith nearly shouted, and then drew back, running a trembling hand over her brow. "What if he did tell? They'd come and take you away." She didn't specify who 'they' were. _

_Merlin bowed his head, guilt warring with all his other emotions. "Mother..."_

_"You throw away our life here, to play magic tricks with Will." Merlin jerked back at her accusation, shaking his head._

_"I wouldn't!" Merlin grabbed his hair, frustration mounting. "Do you know what it's like, to keep this secret from everyone? When Will found out, it was so...good to not have to hide anymore! To be who I am."_

_Hunith was turned away, trembling, and Merlin immediately felt guilty for shouting. _

_"I-"_

_"Oh, Merlin." His mother whispered, and turned around, grabbing him around the neck in a desperate hold. Merlin nearly fell backwards, surprised, but then his arms quickly came up around her. He realized she was crying. _

_"Mother?" He whispered. He'd rarely seen his mother cry. She was always so strong. "Mother, you're scaring me..."_

_Hunith sniffed and pulled back, her red rimmed eyes barely seen in the light of the moon, meeting Merlin's worried gaze. _

_"I'm so sorry you had to grow up this way. I wish that things were different." _

_Merlin felt his own throat close, and he nodded. "I wish that too." He said, voice rough. _

_Hunith hugged him again -without crying thankfully- and Merlin rubbed her back a little. _

_"I'm sorry I got angry." She said, but then she fixed Merlin with a strong gaze. "Will knows, but no one else. Don't you go getting careless, Merlin. The more people know a secret, the easier it is for it to be spilt." _

_Merlin frowned. "Will won't tell-"_

_"Promise me." Hunith cut in. "You won't tell anyone else."_

_Merlin looked to the ground, then back up at Hunith. _

_"I promise." _

_Hunith smiled then, and Merlin felt something in his shoulders relax. His mother cupped his face, tears still glistening in her eyes. _

_"Someday things will be different, my special boy. When the time is right, the truth will be known. Until then you must keep your talents hidden. It's better for everyone." _

_It was the next morning that Hunith told him she would send him to Gaius, in Camelot. He'd be able to help him learn, and keep hidden. Ealdor was too small. In Camelot, he'd be a face in the crowd. _

_Merlin had protested, and when he told Will, he was upset, but in his heart, he felt slightly excited. Perhaps things would be better there. Perhaps he wouldn't get so bored, so restless in the large city. Maybe he could do something with his life, with these powers. It was with these hopes that he went. _

It was with the same hopes that he decided to go back now. Nodding, Merlin turned away from the fire, and faced the town, and in the far distance, Camelot. He'd go back. Perhaps there would come a day when Arthur could know of his magic, when Camelot would be ruled with just laws, and magic would be practiced freely. Until then, he'd do what he always did. He just had to believe in their destinies.


	16. Chapter 16

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N:** So, I'm quite suprised to realize that this is the second to last chapter! Wrapping up things now, so I want to thank everyone for their support and help. It's been a blast!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>Gwen was silent as she helped Hunith pack a few bags of food for their journey. It was only a day after the battle, but Arthur wanted to get back. Morgana had been concerned that the village still needed help, but they were a sturdy people, and had gotten back into the routine of things relatively quickly. Even those who'd lost loved ones were working hard to make the village a home again; Gwen was impressed. Luned and Brigid had lost their husbands, but she saw them gathering food, and tending to children. The young Lily had lost her brother, Conall the blacksmith, but she wore a small smile as she played with Luned's child.<p>

And Merlin...

Gwen's heart tightened. Merlin was working with the men, and Arthur to restore the buildings of the village, and undo the traps that they'd laid. Not since he'd stumbled by so upset, and disappeared for hours before the funeral, had Gwen seen him anything besides busy, a determined look on his face. His bravery inspired her.

Hunith beside her, packed a few more items into the sack, and then tied it off.

"That's all I can spare, I'm afraid, but it should last you till you reach the city."

Gwen smiled in thanks.

"I'm sure it will be fine. Thank you."

Hunith smiled, and looked down. "Thank _you_. You all came, when you did not have to."

Gwen put a hand on Hunith's, looking at her earnestly.

"I for one could do no less. Merlin has done so much for all of us; we could not let him come alone."

Hunith gave her a watery smile, and nodded. Then, taking a breath, she turned and began to fold a flannel that sat on the table.

"He's lucky to have you all." Hunith murmured.

"As are we him." Gwen said, picking up the sack.

Hunith's hands stilled on the towel, and she looked up at Gwen worriedly.

"Please, watch over him. He's had a terrible loss.

Gwen, remembering Merlin's blank face at Will's funeral felt her heart constrict.

"Yes, of course."

Gwen left Hunith inside her home, while she took the bags of food towards the waiting horses. Arthur was planning on leaving as soon as everyone was ready and gathered, so the horses were saddled and patiently nibbling at the grass. Morgana was tossing her own bag over the saddle of her grey mare, murmuring to the horse as she rubbed her nose.

Arthur was pacing, and after a moment, Gwen realized why. Merlin was nowhere to be seen, and Gwen had a sudden fear that he'd decided to stay anyway. Then she saw his horse was saddled, and his bag strapped down; he would hardly send his supplies away.

"Where's Merlin?" Gwen asked, coming up to the others. Morgana glanced up, and over to Arthur.

"He packed and saddled his horse, but then left, a while ago. Arthur's getting upset." Morgana murmured to her, still rubbing the velvet of the mare's nose. Morgana's face was concerned.

Arthur did look upset, his face hard. Gwen frowned.

"I'm worried about him." Gwen said.

"Arthur?" Morgana asked, but Gwen shook her head.

"Merlin."

Morgana fell silent, nodding.

At that moment, Arthur turned from his silent pacing, and glanced around, an impatient look on his face.

"Where is that-"

"If you say 'idiot', Arthur Pendragon, I swear I'll run you through." Morgana cut in, her hand floating near her sword, strapped to her horse's side. Arthur started, looking at her sheepishly, before clearing his throat.

"Well, where is he? We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago." Arthur said, glancing upwards to see if the sun had moved as far as it felt like it had.

Morgana shrugged. "Perhaps he's saying good bye to the villagers."

Gwen glanced around at the bustling towns folk. "He didn't seem to have anyone else to say good bye to..." She murmured. "Only Will."

Arthur winced, but Gwen was thinking now. It was true, no one else in the village, though they'd been polite and helpful to them as newcomers, none had really gone out of their way to speak to Merlin, or welcome him back at all. It was like they were all glad he was gone. And now, as they prepared to leave, the only person to say goodbye to them was Hunith. Why were Merlin and his mother avoided by the rest of the village unless necessary?

It was a mystery for another day as the pair of them showed up, Hunith from inside the house, and Merlin from around the back of the cottage.

They waited in the street, while Hunith said her goodbye to her son, giving him a warm hug. Merlin clung to her a bit tighter than might have been normal, but when they parted his eyes were dry, if a bit red.

Hunith bid good bye to each of them, and watched as they mounted up, and moved out, and as they rode across the field towards the road, in what Merlin said was a short cut, she still waved.

* * *

><p>They rode mostly in silence until the prince put a hand up to call a halt. Arthur knew that the girls were tired, and he didn't want to push them too hard. Merlin too looked exhausted, though that was probably not from the riding today, Arthur thought.<p>

"We'll stop here for a mid day meal." Arthur called, and the others stopped their horses and dismounted.

Gwen pulled a few sacks of food out from her saddle bags, revealing bread, a bit of cheese, and some dried meat. Most were from their supplies they'd brought from Camelot, since Hunith's contribution to their stores for the ride home were more meagre, not having as much to spare. Arthur resolved to ask Merlin if his mother needed any help in the coming winter as a result of the raiders this year.

Gwen handed Morgana a bit of food, earning a murmured thanks, and then gave him some.

"Thank you." Arthur said quietly. They were all feeling subdued, not the least of which was Merlin, who had barely spoken a word all morning, not that Arthur blamed him. The servant's face was pale, and eyes rimmed in red; mourning his friend.

Gwen tried to give Merlin a bit of the food, but he shook his head, giving her a pained smile. Gwen looked sadly back, and moved away to eat her own share, leaving a spread out for Merlin if he felt like it.

He didn't seem too interested, however, moving off into the woods while the others ate. Arthur swallowed down his dry bread, watching where he went.

"I should go after him." Arthur said, moving to stand.

"He wants to be alone." Morgana said, wrapping her arms around her knees. Arthur thought she was thinking of her father again. But Merlin wasn't Morgana.

"I know he wants to be alone," Gwen cut in, and sighed. "But I don't think he should be."

Arthur needed no more provocation, so standing fully, he turned and followed after.

Merlin was no woodsman, and his trail was easy to follow. A while later, he entered a clearing, within which was the slumped form of Merlin, leaning on the tree.

He approached slowly. Now that his goal had been reached (namely finding Merlin), he wasn't quite sure what to do next. But Arthur was nothing if not brave, and he wasn't going to let his nervousness leave Merlin alone now.

Merlin only looked up once as Arthur came closer, before staring again at the ground. Arthur felt slightly relieved, though he was ashamed of it, that Merlin wasn't crying. He wasn't sure how to deal with that. Morgana didn't cry often, at least not in front of him, and the knights never did. He'd been deeply out of his depth yesterday in the house.

Arthur came abreast, and sat cross legged next to Merlin, placing his hands on his knees.

Silence fell, but it was only slightly awkward to Arthur. Somehow, he felt that being there was perhaps good enough, that he wasn't expected to comfort with words. Merlin knew he wasn't good at that anyway. So they simply sat beside one another, breathing gently. Then Arthur let out a sigh, and looked at Merlin.

"I'm sorry." It was all he could say. Merlin nodded.

"I know." Merlin's voice was ragged, but steady. "Thank you."

Arthur, who been staring forward again, peered out of the corner of his eye.

"For what?"

Merlin shrugged. "For coming, for being here, helping...for inspiring Will." The last words were said in a whisper, but it was enough for Arthur to raise his eyebrows, surprised.

"I ...inspired him?" Merlin nodded, rubbing his face.

"He's been...he'd been different since his father died...but at the last...I saw the old Will. You did that for him."

Arthur coughed, looking to the ground, and rubbing his neck.

After a moment, he turned again to Merlin.

"Are you ready to head back?" Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin breathed deeply, before nodding, and getting to his feet.

Arthur stood as well, and slowly they made their way back to where Morgana, Gwen and the horses were. Neither spoke, but it was alright.

It was slow going back to Camelot. Arthur seemed to be allowing them all to take it easy, with frequent breaks, and an early night. Merlin had to say he was grateful for it. His very bones ached with weariness, and Morgana and Gwen looked little better. Even Arthur slumped on his horse. Though they had been successful in their intent on helping Ealdor, Will's death cast a pall over them all, and most of all Merlin.

His thoughts as they rode were filled with past memories of his friend, the trouble they got into, the adventures they'd had.

Merlin remembered meeting Will, teaming up against the bigger boys of the village, Conall, Puck and some of the others who thought it fun to bully those smaller than them. Merlin refused to take the bullying, and Will fought back with everything they had, and together they protected the smaller ones. Eventually, the bigger boys got tired of it.

But worse was the whispering and gossip that followed Merlin through his life, whispers of _that strange boy, _ or _freak, _or worst of all _bastard._ Merlin hated to hear them, but Will got angry, and made sure they didn't speak like that again. Merlin had liked him all the more for it.

They got into such trouble; mischief and pranks had been Will's favorite thing, and Merlin had gone along with most anything Will wanted to do. His mother didn't approve, but she didn't understand how Will was his only friend. Merlin couldn't lose him.

Years passed, and he did lose him, if only slowly with the weight of secrets, and dead fathers, and distance. But seeing him again had been so _good_. Merlin had thought that things could go back to the way they were. Will had helped fight, just as he always did, and he stood by Merlin when he used magic in front of everyone to run the raiders off. Will was back to how he remembered him, and Merlin was glad. Then a cross bow bolt ruined everything.

And now he was heading back to Camelot again, back to living a lie, to hiding his true self from everyone and everything, for fear of death. Back to working to protect Arthur with no chance of acknowledgement or thanks. The thought caused him to sink further into himself, curling his free arm around his stomach.

Merlin was so…tired.

He remembered Arthur's face when he'd demanded to know who'd done the magic that had saved them. His anger, and betrayal in the split second when Merlin had said his name, but before Will had leaped forwards to his death. Merlin felt that he had gotten a glimpse of how Arthur would react to him admitting he was a sorcerer; it didn't feel good.

No, Arthur could never know. Merlin would take this secret to the grave, always fighting from the shadows, receiving no praise, and only ever being a servant to Arthur. For that's all he was, in the end. Just as Will had said, just as Merlin said to his mother. He was just Arthur's servant...and secret protector, but no one could ever know about that.


	17. Chapter 17

**Title: **Rarely Pure, Never Simple

**Author:** Arisprite

**Summary:** The moment of truth takes Merlin by surprise, but can he gather the courage to say it?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Merlin, BBC and Shine do, nor do I own much of the dialogue in this story. Lines will not be marked, but if your recognize anything, it comes from season 1, episode 10, **The Moment of Truth.**

**A/N: **I'm so terribly sorry! Many excuses could be said, such as school ramping up, a new fandom, and losing the file itself until yesterday...yikes. So here is the final chapter of this fic. Please enjoy!

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><p><em>"Truth is rarely pure, and never simple." <em>Mark Twain

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><p>They entered Camelot to the stirring of the crowd. Merlin cringed at the eyes on them, though most were looking at Arthur and Morgana. The murmurings followed them up into the citadel square, until they dismounted by the stables.<p>

"We better go to father, Morgana. He's sure to have heard we're back now."

Morgana nodded, dismounting, and brushing down her trousers. Then she turned to Arthur.

"I can say that it was all my fault, that you were following me to bring me back." Morgana's voice was even, but both Arthur and Merlin shook their heads.

"No, it was my doing that you even came at all." Merlin said.

"And I made my own choice to come." Said Arthur. Gwen stepped forwards as well.

"As did I."

Merlin frowned. "No one should take the blame but me."

Arthur shook his head firmly. "You will not be punished for going to visit your mother. Nor will you Guinevere, for accompanying a friend. It was I and Morgana who were disobeying the king."

"We shall have to bear the consequences." Morgana finished,

Merlin didn't like it, and he could tell that Gwen didn't either. He opened his mouth to protest, but Arthur cut him off.

"No, Merlin. It's alright."

Merlin sighed, rubbing his brow. It didn't sit easily on him, other people taking punishments or suffering because of him. "You wouldn't be in trouble if it weren't for me." He muttered.

Morgana laid a hand on his shoulder, and waited until he looked her in the eye.

"Merlin, whatever Uther does to us, it will be worth it." Her voice was earnest. Merlin blinked, but before he could respond, Morgana strode off, looking as regal in her travel wore tunic and trousers as she ever did in her fine dresses. Arthur also placed a hand on his shoulder, but said nothing, following after Morgana.

Gwen stood beside Merlin. She turned, and put a hand out, like the others had done, though her hand slid down his arm, and entwined their fingers together.

"Are you going to be alright?" She asked, her voice gentle. Merlin looked at her, and saw such caring there he was hard pressed not to break down in her arms right then. He swallowed hard.

"Yeah," Merlin rasped. "I will be." He squeezed her hand, before letting go.

"I should go see Gaius." Merlin said, turning to the horses, and grabbing both his and Arthur's bags, leaving the horses to the stable boys. Gwen watched him go, but he did not look back to see the look on her face.

The steps to Gaius' chambers had never seemed so steep, and it was a long while before he made it to the door, pushing it open just as always, and dropping the bags. He'd take Arthur his things later.

Gaius started up, turning towards the door. A smile lit his face when he saw who it was.

"Merlin!" Gaius came forwards, arms out, and Merlin nearly fell into them. Emotions he'd held back through the trip suddenly poured out in the warm embrace, and tears filled his eyes. He squeezed tighter as he felt Gaius pulling away, and a sob escaped him.

"Merlin?" Gaius asked, concern in his voice. Merlin couldn't answer, so Gaius simply wrapped his arms around his charge tighter, a hand coming up to cup his hair. Merlin buried his face in Gaius' rough clad shoulder, sobbing again. Gaius waited it out, letting Merlin cry against him until he was simply sniffling, tears having run their course.

Merlin pulled away, wiping at his face with his sleeve. "Sorry," He muttered, embarrassed. Gaius grabbed his arm to prevent him from turning away.

"Merlin, what's the matter? What's happened?"

Merlin bowed his head. "My friend Will is dead."

Gaius didn't know Will, but his face softened in sympathy. "Oh, Merlin,"

"It's fine." Merlin cut off his remark, moving past him, and going up into his room. Gaius stood below, and watched him leave.

* * *

><p>Morgana ignored the guards who tried to stop her, and Arthur following after her. If Uther wanted to see her, he could see her now. She swung open the big doors of the throne room, and strode in, Arthur seconds behind her. Uther stood from his throne, his face a mask without expression and watched them come in. They stopped as one before the throne and waited.<p>

Morgana kept her chin high; she had no shame in what she had done, and she wanted Uther to know it. Arthur stood tall beside her, also not looking ashamed, though he did look a bit more respectful. Their positions brought back memories of getting into trouble as children; they had always been making mischief when they were younger. She hid a smile.

Uther walked forwards until he was in front of the two of them, and his glare was powerful.

"Five days." Uther growled. "Five days you vanish into thin air. What do have to say for yourselves? Where were you?"

Arthur spoke up. "I'm sorry that we caused you worry, Father, but we simply went for a ride around the kingdom."

"A ride?" Uther echoed, his voice incredulous. Morgana stepped forwards.

"Yes, I wanted to see the countryside, and Arthur offered to take me," Morgana met Arthur's eyes. "And keep me safe."

Arthur nodded decisively. "Exactly. And as you can see, we're both safe."

"Why in heaven's name didn't you just say so. I would have authorized a trip." Uther said.

Morgana shrugged. "It was a rather spur of the moment decision..."

Uther still looked angry, but his worry was tempered by their lies.

"You know I cannot let this go unpunished. The prince and the king's ward cannot just vanish without permission."

"Of course not, Father." Arthur said. Uther looked over his shoulder, and snapped to the guards.

"Guards, take Prince Arthur and Lady Morgana to their respective chambers, where they are to be confined for as long as I see fit."

The guards came forwards, and took hold of Morgana's arms, and Arthur's. Uther turned to go back to the throne, but he looked back once.

"In the future, do not keep such things from me."

"Yes, Father."

"Yes, sire."

* * *

><p>Morgana was much more suited to confinement that Arthur was. According to Gwen, she was determined to show Uther that his punishments meant nothing to her, and she spent her days sewing, arraigning flowers and making paper crafts with Gwen. They passed their days with laughter, for in truth it was more fun than Gwen's normal duties.<p>

Arthur on the other hand...Arthur was a man of action, and being contained in his rooms was one of the worst possible punishments for him, at least in his opinion. Merlin came to Arthur's chambers on the first day, bag in hand, to find two guards outside the doors. They let him pass, and he entered Arthur's chambers with a confused look on his face.

"Why are there guards outside your door?"

Arthur was sitting in a chair at the table, scratching a pattern into the woodwork with the tip of a meat knife. Merlin winced at how much polishing it would take to rub that out.

"I'm being punished." Arthur said, matter of factually. Merlin's confusion cleared.

"Ah, right." Merlin set down the bag, but stood still. "Sorry," He muttered, and Arthur huffed, pushing away from the table to stride past him to the window.

"Nothing to be sorry for." He said brusquely, stopping to gaze out into the courtyard. "It was my choice, my punishment."

Merlin nodded, and lifted the bag again. He started unpacking quietly, and once the last item was put away, or piled in his arms for a wash, Merlin turned back to Arthur.

"Do you want me to bring you anything?"

Arthur glanced over, eyes roaming over him. Merlin was sure he looked tired, he felt like he could sink to the floor right that moment and not move for hours. His eyes were dry, itchy and probably blood shot. Something in his appearance, in any case, caused Arthur's eyes to soften.

"No, go get some rest." Arthur turned back to the window quickly. Merlin sighed, and nodded.

"Yes, sire."

Merlin moved slowly towards the door, glancing back to see Arthur moving towards his desk and picking up a book from a shelf. Merlin suppressed any amusement at Prince Arthur, great knight of Camelot deigning to read a book for an evening, or even having one in his room, and shut the door softly. His bed was sounding quite nice to him about now. He really hadn't enjoyed sleeping on the floor again.

Of course, the next few days were not as pleasant, and the novelty of being confined to his chambers quickly wore off for Arthur, even as Morgana took pleasure in proving to Uther that his punishments were ineffective. Merlin ran round for Arthur, bringing him things, and hoping that each requested item would be enough to hold the man's attentions. When that failed, Arthur fell back to bickering with Merlin, and there were some genuine laughs then.

After almost a week, Uther needed his crown prince back. They were let out, and life returned to normal. Arthur treated Merlin just the same as always. However, Merlin remembered the words of his dead friend, and the look in Arthur's eyes when his magic nearly came out. There was a new wall between them, one not from propriety, but was only of Merlin's making. It confused Arthur, to have that sudden distance, but with all things that confused him, Arthur ignored it, hoping it would go away on its own. Merlin was still himself, and there were times when he and Arthur acted the best of friends. But then Merlin had to remind himself that he was "just Arthur's servant."

Perhaps someday things would change, but for now it could not be, and Merlin was happy with that.

Really, he was.


End file.
